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My husband and I have known each other for 17 years. We dated in HS, hooked up breifly in our early 20's and now have been together 5 years, married for 4. I brought 3 children to our relationship and he brought one. We since have had two together making 6 total. Now that u have an idea of where we stand I'll get to the issues.
He hates kids. He is a dictator. Control freak. Selfish over-grown only child. He picks at everything we do wrong as a whole for the family. Why r there shoes in the kitchen, why are the toys not picked up outside? Did u brush your teeth enough? Let me see them? Show mom? Go do it again? He expects everyone in the house to be perfect all the time. He cannot stand the older 2 children (14yr old boy and 11yr old girl) always saying he wants to smack my son and "won't deal with" my daughters "drama bull****" She is very sensitive and going thru puberty.
We work great as a family when he is not home. When he walks in the door u can cut the tension with a knife. Everyone is on pins and needles and almost every evening ends with the kids running for their beds and me fuming mad at how stupid he is behaving.
I don't know what to do. We have tried counceling, nothing we try to change lasts. He makes excuses "well I'm just so mad" and does what ever he wants. Slams doors, yells and cusses at me, or them.
I feel like a bad mother for staying with him because of how he treats the kids, his included. He is a great provider but is that enough? He will provide a stable home for them until they leave the nest? We have a 5mo old, the prospect of 18+ years of buffer and insanity for me is not that appealing. Help!
 

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Honestly? I would kick him out. Tell him that, unless he goes through intense, weekly counseling and/or anger management, he is not welcome back. It will NEVER get better, only worse. Unless you set some boundaries.

And your own kids will soon be getting into drugs, sex or worse because of him.
 

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you gave the Mr Horrible for them but what is the Mr Wonderful for you part.. sounds like if he is ripping into the kids and tenstion level is high where is the good part for you?

sounds like he needs a dose of reality, we all have that moment where toys are around and life is not as clear as we want it but does he instead of yelling clean it up>>> just a thought do it to him... like did you brush your teeth let the kids see... na go do it again and did you wash enough in the shower today... treat him that way and see if he likes it. i bet not.

but if he is not willing to change then you have to make a choice your kids or him... or it sounds that way anyway his kid is the mom in the pic?
 

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OP, one thing you CAN do for the immediate future is set up some safety boundaries. When he's in a good mode, say 'it scares the kids when you yell, and it hurts their self esteem. I won't let that happen any more, so if you choose to yell at them or criticize them, I will take them out of the room. If you follow us, I will take them out of the house until you can calm down and treat us all with respect.'
 
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