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Was she originally from the West Coast? What was her reason for wanting to move there? Have you ever been out there before?
 

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Same one. I realize I’m a moron who thought maybe I was doing something good for her because that’s what a caring spouse would do.

the idea of having to live here broke(financially)and isolated from everyone and everything that matters in my life kills me. It makes me question doing things for others, and just looking out for myself.
The point is not to be an even bigger moron. Sort your life and move on. Don’t ever take her back.
 

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I just looked back over your past threads. Wow. She has played you over and over for the last eight years and you allowed it. You need to figure out why you thought her behavior was acceptable. If you don’t, and she’s really serious this time, you’ll just make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
 

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It won't be the same but you can zoom & facetime your kids. You can fly out to meet them & be the fun dad, taking them to the beach. Maybe you can get big chunks of holiday time -- mid December to mid January & all of the summer. But you should not have to be miserable.
Plus they are old enough to fly in their own to see you for holidays. Airlines have people who look after unnacompanied minors.

What she did was just disgusting.
 

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fast forward 6 weeks from the date we moved and I’m told she is no longer happy and that she wants a divorce. Now I’m stuck in a city I hate, with no friends or family. Its Honestly crushing. Now comes the kicker…. Because I willingly moved my children here and enrolled them into school. at First glance from a conversation with a lawyer friend I may have screwed myself by doing so.
I need to go back and read your other posts.

But based on reading just the paragraph above and knowing nothing else about your situation, I think she was planning for this for a long time. You know the old movie trope "It was with you all along". The depression was with her all along and wherever she went the depression went with it. I don't know if moving to the west coast would have change that.

I think she had planned to divorce a while ago. Since then she's been working on getting all her ducks in a row and I strongly feel that she has/had expert guidance on subterfuge and deception. She made it sound like it was a joint decision to go to where she wanted to go and take the kids with you. She probably railroaded your objections to this move. Now that you are on the west coast, it is going to cause a problem if you try to take the kids back to your original state.

As of right now, I have no suggestions for you. I'll read your other posts to see if I have any.

One thing I'd suggest is to hire a competent attorney in the west coast state and work with this person to untangle this mess. And mess this is, that your wife has created.
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
Was she originally from the West Coast? What was her reason for wanting to move there? Have you ever been out there before?
Both of us are from the same area in the midwest. Her reasoning was to try something new and the break out from the “winter depression”. I’ve never been to the coast myself, but she had traveled there once for a vacation as a teen.
 

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Both of us are from the same area in the midwest. Her reasoning was to try something new and the break out from the “winter depression”. I’ve never been to the coast myself, but she had traveled there once for a vacation as a teen.
I see on a past post where you had moved with her once before so she could take a job. Does she really think she can make a living by herself out there?
 

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Discussion Starter · #30 ·
I see on a past post where you had moved with her once before so she could take a job. Does she really think she can make a living by herself out there?
She actually can. She accepted a job a week after we arrived making a 6 figure salary. Which may have helped her finally cut the cord. We now have similar incomes but I also have student loans and maintenance costs to deal with pertaining to the family home(family member is renting it while I’m away, but only covering 80% of the costs). She doesn’t want to keep it and wasn’t able to be on the loan anyways due to credit. I’ve also just had a terrible string of luck with issues at the house the last 3 weeks with roof and plumbing. This will also need to be taken care of from my income.
 

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She actually can. She accepted a job a week after we arrived making a 6 figure salary. Which may have helped her finally cut the cord. We now have similar incomes but I also have student loans and maintenance costs to deal with pertaining to the family home(family member is renting it while I’m away, but only covering 80% of the costs). She doesn’t want to keep it and wasn’t able to be on the loan anyways due to credit. I’ve also just had a terrible string of luck with issues at the house the last 3 weeks with roof and plumbing. This will also need to be taken care of from my income.
I think that the laws about moving away like that are different in different states so you need to make sure that your attorney is looking into that. My understanding in Texas is that you would have to somewhere for 6 months after moving. I mean definitely divorce laws are different from state to state so if I were you I would certainly check both the state you're in and whatever state you moved to laws on that subject just to see if there's a difference in it. I do know the longer you stay there the less chance you'll have of being able to move back with any kids.

You might well be able to work out some sort of arrangement where you get the kids all summer and on all their school breaks. And that might be okay at the age the kids are at, particularly if they have friends they'll miss where you just moved from, but eventually the kids are going to start kicking back on having to spend any summers away from wherever their friends are. And if you can't afford to stay in the west coast then don't know if it would be you who would have to pay for all the flying or if that might be part of the deal that she would have to pay. But I do know you're going to need a really good attorney and if you don't have faith in this one that you've got who's already telling you you're up the creek, I'd go talk to a different family law attorney.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
Ive spoken with a lawyer back home and will be speaking with a west coast lawyer as well.

The lawyer from home needs to do so some research and look at it in greater detail. I have a few things going against me, but may have grounds based on the timing of the divorced relative to the move. Likewise with have kept the family home AND having a family network.

but it’s still an up hill battle given my prior consent and enrollment of school. My daughter is also coming up on 12 and judges will take her opinion into consideration. She has told me today she wants to stay. This could put a judge in a position to also keep my son on the coast to not split the children.
 

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I know that it’s split 50/50. My 10 year old would go back tomorrow if I offered. But my 12 year old has grown attached to her new friends. She does NOT want to move back.
The idea of splitting the children up is something I don’t know I could do, or that it’s even right. But the wife came back to me and said I could take the kids home for summer, but they are coming back for school no matter what. “She’s the mother and has there best interests in mind”. Better opportunities here and school. Which I strongly disagree with. Both locations have top notch schools and universities.
I’m not sure I’d even win a custody battle considering I agreed to move, and enrolled the children here.
Oh please, smashing the bottom out of their world? Breaking up their family is in the childrens best interests? Lol.

Tell her she can damn well move out of the house, and get an apartment close by. Tell her it's in the childrens best interests.

The only thing you did "wrong" here OP was trusting your wife, I'm so sorry.
 

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Discussion Starter · #36 ·
I’ve kind of lucked out a bit and she has come to her senses that moving back home is the right thing to do for the kids.
As far as what she did to convince me and how long, maybe 3-4 weeks. We were already selling our home and we’re going to be moving anyways. I most likely wouldn’t have done it had those circumstances not lined up.
Good luck!
 
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