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I have been married for 17 years. At least half have been happy years. My husband is a wonderful father and at times can be a wonderful husband. The problem is its his way or no way. We have been at battle for the last serveral months. I was getting tired of the same old same old. Our sex life was dull and almost no existant. My husband has always had a lower libdo then me. This is the only thing we ever argue about. I was brought up in a very conservative home we never talked about sex and anything. My husband and I addressed this problem years ago and I really had to step outside my comfort zone but I did and things improved greatly. I was needing the love and affection outside as well as in the bedroom. For a long time we were connecting. However our bedroom activity was on his say so and I admit I just got tired of it so I played tired way more. It didn't take long but so did the love and affection leave our home on a day to day basis. I realized this so I told my husband that I really hadn't been very attentive and my reasons why but I was going to try to get us back on track. Good Right?!? Wrong total system shut down. He told me I put to much pressure on him to perform. I am hurt because of his rejection. In an argument he told me he doesn't love me anymore. He says he is lost and he decided to go for counseling. In the meantime, he is telling me that he wants more from me in the bedroom when we do have sex because that's the reason we don't have sex very often. I told him that I am an emotional person you can't expect me to perform after you told me that you don't love me. His response was I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you. But If I loved him I would do what makes him happy. What about what makes me happy?

It had been months since we contacted, one night we made love and I felt a real connection. We had been at odds for weeks so it felt good. I sent him a text message that said "last night was wonderful it has renewed my conviction to making us better" He never replied. When I got home from work he was a jerk all night. He accused me of wanting sex and I was putting pressure on him again.

I told him that I am more then willing to look after his needs but I need for him to acknowledge mine too. I have told him how I feel and he gets mad instantly. So I just shut up and do and try to move forward...but this time its harder.

Any advise would be helpful.

Thanks
 

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I don't have any good advice to offer unfortunately, for you see, I am in the same boat as you are. My Wife, for more reasons than I care to acknowledge anymore, makes me go months without and then only wants it how she wants it, no oral at all, only missionary position, etc. I have tried to reason with her or appeal to her reasonable caring side but have had not been able to make her understand or even care.

I am a "normal" guy I think and so sex is very important to me. In the relationship I had before I got with my Wife, I was with a woman that rocked my world when it came to sex, and now I have next to nothing and I'm very depressed about it. It seems that I am going to have to go elsewhere for satisfaction and to be honest I don't really want to have to resort to that. I feel like I am being forced to become a bad person, a cheater, all because my Wife is selfish and uncaring.

I hope you find a better way out of your situation and don't have to end at the same conclusion I have arrived at.

Good luck...
 

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It almost sounds like emotional blackmail on both of you. Sounds like sex has become the thing to hold back when there are other issues. People forget that a relationship is give and take, it is not easy but takes work and giving and takeing. You said he has decided to go for counceling. Do you go with him? I have never seen counceling work when only one side goes. If only one side goes then that means that person has or has created all the problems in the relationship and that can't be so. Takes two to make one and two to mess it up. I know you said you have stepped out of your shell but maybe you need to step out more and he defently needs to take care of your needs and wants also. Have either of you ever just sat down and wrote out on a peice of paper what you want from your sex life. Not what the other wants but what turns you on. What your fantisies are, what touch makes your heart still flutter. I think it would be a good idea to do that seperatly and then give each other the paper to read at the same time. I think you would be amazed at how much you both want the same thing but do not know how to tell the other one. Ok I'm rambling on and on. Hope things work out for you.
 
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