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Yes Michelle is my wife and that is the reason why I titled the thread mother-in-law. My wife and I are two years apart and again I admit to getting sometimes over bent on scenarios. However many of the scenarios could've simply been avoided. Example, if my boys are outside playing baseball and just by pure accident one of them hit the ball and broke my window I would not get super mad only because I know it was simply an accident.but if you look at all of the incidents at hand that took place just before the Fourth of July weekend they could've been avoided. One throwing bottles and coolers covered with drywall. 2, leaving gain DVDs on the floor knowing that one just broke a few months prior costing us $50. 3,at first yes I fussed that my wife for putting the blanket on my kids because I was in disbelief that my mother-in-law would do such a thing. I did not fuss though my wife intentionally however why did my mobile ball put blankets on the summertime? And why did she put balloons on top of the China when she was at out with us at dinner a few months back and balloons triggered our house alarm? Think of this scenario, at dinner alarm company calls, have to leave restaurant, go home fined by village for false alarm, and find balloons triggered. So yes, when this happened, I was not a happy camper a second time around to find out balloons were purposely put on the china cabinet. Again, something that could of been avoided if people just sit back for a moment and thing versus just doing.
So, the real question is, what is meant by "fuss". I know what a fuss is in my circle, but I don't know what it was in this one.

I agree with @EleGirl we should address these one at a time. Starting with #1, I'd simply ask: How did you handle this, when you caught your Wife putting dusty bottles in the cooler? What did you say to her?

Drywall isn't going to make anyone sick, and I guess I'm a country bumpkin because if I were working in an environment that would get drywall on my beer, I don't think I'd worry too much about the dust on the cap--it's coming off before I drink it anyways.
 
Discussion starter · #22 ·
Blondilocks... I really can't believe your answers. First of all, what is the problem with ice being contaminate? Simple, look up the dangers of drywall and sheet rock. If it's on the ice, that means it's in the water which sticks to the bottles. Since it's bottles of beer people are not clean each bottle before they consume it because the beer will get them buzzed. So people will drink from bottles consume the sheet rock particles and possibly have health issues. Do I really want that on my conscience?

Secondly it blooms her problem I have the house?… I've been in the house for 15 years and balloons are not a problem in the house however if they trigger the motion detector when left downstairs then it's very simple. Don't ban balloons from house just don't leave them on the bottom floor with the house alarm system armed.

my kids left the game DVDs on the floor. My problem was this, as I assumed because my wife was in the same room as the DVDs why didn't she tell the kids to pick them up off the floor. Again very simple solution versus leave them on the floor and a break and it cost $50.
 
Discussion starter · #24 · (Edited)
To answer your questions no not abusive however when they say fuss I do get pissed off at times. I don't think this is out of the norm since I am 40 years old and have observed many people around me professionally and personally that get pissed off at their spouses as well. So yes definitely I am not a saint and don't try to paint myself as one. I know like other people I can definitely be out of line and occasionally get loud. Is my MIL sticking up for her daughter yes, without question. Of course she's going be be biased, it's her daughter. BUT, I'm a very logical person, keep things simple. Again, not perfect when I do act up I apologize to my wife and I feel guilty. I know I can be a better person in that respect however if the same incident was a happen again tomorrow like DVDs being left on the floor and balloons being left on the bottom floor knowing what the consequences are I'm going to get ticked off again.

Think about this one,this is not a real scenario but an example. If you have a car and somebody scratches it with keys and you get it fixed. You're going to be mad first time around. And if it happens again and again get mad second time around. If you don't then you are better person than me.

EleGirl, him and it really doesn't make a difference if my house is being remodeled or not or how much sheetrock/drywall was on the bottles are how cloudy the cooler was. The point is there is sheetrock particles on the bottles that were later put into the cooler. If I were going to my friends house it wouldn't make a difference to me what the situation was with him remodeling or not, at the end of the day the only thing that matters is me possibly can sick because my friend was too lazy to clean the bottles.
 
Discussion starter · #25 ·
At spinsterdurga. no I don't find them seem exact DVD again however I do buy them games in the future because of maybe their birthday.so when you say you need to teach them to me that is like yes that's what I do. Therefore it frustrates me if I teach in and then I find the DVDs on floor again. This is purely logical and common sense.

Controlling perhaps at times but not all the time. Abusive no. I'm definitely not a person that stands idly back and just let things happen willy-nilly if I can prevent and control the scenario. Depends how you define controlling. I went to school, and work every single day. So in that regard yes I'm controlling because I want what's good for my family and me. I would hope to hear most men provide that same answer except for some men that don't give to arms about the family or the kids and only care about themselves. There are many men out there don't even marry they simply knocked up women and MoveOn.
 
To answer your questions no not abusive however when they say fuss I do get pissed off at times. I don't think this is out of the norm since I am 40 years old and have observed many people around me professionally and personally that get pissed off at their spouses as well. So yes definitely I am not a saint and don't try to paint myself as one. I know like other people I can definitely be out of line and occasionally get loud. Is my MIL sticking up for her daughter yes, without question. Of course she's going be be biased, it's her daughter. BUT, I'm a very logical person, keep things simple.
You have not yet answered what your behavior was like when the bottle/dust/ice incident occurred. Instead you go on a rant about how it’s normal to get irritated/angry with your wife. Well yea it’s normal if it happens rarely and if your response is very mild.

What did you say to your wife?

Did you yell? Throw, or slam anything? Or did you do anything else that was a demonstration of your anger?
EleGirl, him and it really doesn't
Why is the language so odd in your posts… for example the work “him” makes no sense here. There is a lot of this sort of thing in most of your posts.
EleGirl, him and it really doesn't make a difference if my house is being remodeled or not or how much sheetrock/drywall was on the bottles are how cloudy the cooler was. The point is there is sheetrock particles on the bottles that were later put into the cooler. If I were going to my friends house it wouldn't make a difference to me what the situation was with him remodeling or not, at the end of the day the only thing that matters is me possibly can sick because my friend was too lazy to clean the bottles.
Actually, yes it does matter much sheet rock dust was on the bottles.

Sheet rock is gypsum plaster pressed between two thick sheets of paper. It is not toxic. There is a disorder called 'Pica' that causes people to eat dirt and rocks. One of the things they often eat is sheet rock. The only real health hazard is if they consume a lot of sheet rock and get an intestinal blockage from it.

However, there is the cleanliness and aesthetic issues to consider. A lot of people would not drink anything that comes out of a cooler that has water that is contaminated with a lot of sheet rock dust. Most humans are trained from an early age not to eat and drink from dirty things.

So the reason I asked about how much sheet rock dust was on the bottles, and thus potentially in the ice water is to get a clear picture of what the issue was.

If the dusting was very light, then the sheet rock dust should really not be an issue.

If the dusting was very heavy and turned the water in the cooler white, you had a good reason for cleaning the bottles before putting them on ice.

I asked about the remodeling because you brought up fixing damage to the walls having something to do with metal cars. It was not clear what you were talking about… except that I think you meant that you kids are damaging your walls, you need to fix the walls and you are getting rightly irritated by them damaging your walls. If this is going on, it would definitely contribute to your attitude about the dust on the bottles.

One thing I’m noticing in as you post here is that you seem to be in a generally irritated mood and are a bit snippy. You also seem to assume that you know best… demonstrated by you not answering my question about why there was dust and instead writing out a rant about why it does not matter. Well, I’m not a stupid person. I had a reason for asking the question. If this is how you approach things with your wife, I can see why your MIL is concerned.
 
At spinsterdurga. no I don't find them seem exact DVD again however I do buy them games in the future because of maybe their birthday.so when you say you need to teach them to me that is like yes that's what I do. Therefore it frustrates me if I teach in and then I find the DVDs on floor again. This is purely logical and common sense.
How many children do you have and how old are they?
Yes, it is completely logical and common sense to want your children to take care of things like the DVDs.

The issue here is what is the right way to act when you see them not take care of the DVDs? You are an adult. You noticed it. You do not want them to mishandle the DVDs. Thus YOU should have been the one to gently, but firmly, gone to your children and told them that what they were doing would damage the DVDs. And then YOU get them to pick up the DVDs and put them in the proper place. And you do this without anger, without irritation.

It is not only your wife’s responsibility to do these things.

Controlling perhaps at times but not all the time. Abusive no. I'm definitely not a person that stands idly back and just let things happen willy-nilly if I can prevent and control the scenario. Depends how you define controlling. I went to school, and work every single day. So in that regard yes I'm controlling because I want what's good for my family and me. I would hope to hear most men provide that same answer except for some men that don't give to arms about the family or the kids and only care about themselves. There are many men out there don't even marry they simply knocked up women and MoveOn.
If you see your children doing something like not taking care of the DVDs, it is controlling (and a bit abusive) to get angry at your wife and fuss at her for this. You say it. You take care of it. Instead you are trying to control your wife's actions and even the way she does things.
 
The ice thing...really. are you using the ice in your drink or to chill the drinks?

The balloons, fix the problem yourself if you don't like it, blankets on kids again fix the problem if you don't like it and stop picking on Michelle.

If you don't like something simply fix it yourself.

The CD thing. On your side for that one. Can't stand lack of respect for other people's things. It's a pet peeve of mine.

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Blondilocks... I really can't believe your answers. First of all, what is the problem with ice being contaminate? Simple, look up the dangers of drywall and sheet rock. If it's on the ice, that means it's in the water which sticks to the bottles. Since it's bottles of beer people are not clean each bottle before they consume it because the beer will get them buzzed. So people will drink from bottles consume the sheet rock particles and possibly have health issues. Do I really want that on my conscience?

Secondly it blooms her problem I have the house?… I've been in the house for 15 years and balloons are not a problem in the house however if they trigger the motion detector when left downstairs then it's very simple. Don't ban balloons from house just don't leave them on the bottom floor with the house alarm system armed.

my kids left the game DVDs on the floor. My problem was this, as I assumed because my wife was in the same room as the DVDs why didn't she tell the kids to pick them up off the floor. Again very simple solution versus leave them on the floor and a break and it cost $50.
OK, what county are you from? What country do you live in now? Maybe that would give some cultural context. Your posts seem confusing due to some language issues. Is English your primary language?

FYI drywall is harmless unless it is inhaled deeply into the lungs in significant amounts over long periods of time.
 
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"You are fussing with my daughter "

Says the woman who thinks that it is entirely appropriate for her to send fussy and bossy emails to the husband of her daughter?

Would it be remiss of me to wonder if your wife somehow seems to act as if she needs constant guidance and checking on?

If so then I think your mother-in-law's controlling and meddling email might go some way to explaining why that might be?
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How many children do you have and how old are they?
Yes, it is completely logical and common sense to want your children to take care of things like the DVDs.

The issue here is what is the right way to act when you see them not take care of the DVDs? You are an adult. You noticed it. You do not want them to mishandle the DVDs. Thus YOU should have been the one to gently, but firmly, gone to your children and told them that what they were doing would damage the DVDs. And then YOU get them to pick up the DVDs and put them in the proper place. And you do this without anger, without irritation.

It is not only your wife’s responsibility to do these things.



If you see your children doing something like not taking care of the DVDs, it is controlling (and a bit abusive) to get angry at your wife and fuss at her for this. You say it. You take care of it. Instead you are trying to control your wife's actions and even the way she does things.
I wonder if it is the case that he gets home and finds that the kids have been allowed to run riot whilst his wife, in effect, just let it all happen without doing anything concrete to stop them?
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I must be weird...or maybe it's because we bush camp and survival camp 30 clicks or more off the beaten path in the true wilderness every summer and multiple times a summer.

Drywall on a drink bottle doesn't bug me in the least. There are worse things than that or murky water.

While the mother in law was tactless in sending an email to gripe about the OP griping...and the CD/DVD thing I agree with. Honestly, if something like drywall dust and balloons are causing such highly charged fussy moments may it's time to evaluate which battles one wants to be a right fighter for and which ones can be conceded and compromised on.

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I wasn't aware that people used ice from a cooler to chill their bottled drinks. I just assume the bottles are dirty from handling and don't have my mouth come in contact with the outsides of them or anything that touched them. That said...

I'm getting the impression that you were "correcting" Michelle in front of her mother, not that you yelled at Michelle, then she told her mother, then her mother emailed you. If you do things in front of people, you can expect them to comment on it, period. If you don't want them to, do it in private. You sound controlling, and it sounds like your mother-in-law is worried that you are or may become abusive, or that she just sees that her daughter is unhappy being demeaned in front of company, and is trying to let you know (privately, which is more consideration that you gave Michelle) that your behavior is causing harm or offense.

Over 4th of July my husband and I visited some of his friends. The husband was like you. I was shocked because he was doing it in front of us! He'd correct his wife over the smallest, most insignificant details. He treated her with contempt, like she was stupid just because he had a sharper memory than she does. I didn't think, "gee she's dumb for not remembering these tiny detail that don't change the content of the stories at all," I thought "how the hell can she stand being married to him? He treats her like she's mentally challenged servant." By the end of the night, I wanted to deck him, and not just on her behalf. My husband has said things to him about it before, so he's aware of it. We all have flaws, but you should work to correct this one, as it's very damaging, and is doing no favors to your family or to your reputation. My husband's mother even said "I don't understand why she takes it," about their relationship. Other people are talking like this behind your back, trust me. And they're not saying that your wife is inconsiderate or irresponsible.

I definitely agree that if your children break CDs they should pay for them out of their allowances. You can't watch children every second, but you can teach them that their actions have consequences. Stop being so controlling. Children can and will make mistakes and be careless. Yelling at their mom for not watching them, then buying them a replacement item is teaching them a terrible lesson. Stop it.

Additionally, are your children paraplegics or toddlers or somehow unable to remove a blanket from their body if they get too warm at night? If so, this detail is important to include. Are they checked on in the night, so that someone else may remove a blanket from their bodies if they are too warm? Then let it go. Michelle is capable of parenting correctly without your constant overseeing. I hope you apologized for blaming her for something her mother did.

You need to learn how to say these things (and variations on them):
-Thanks for your help! However, I prefer to.../ Next time, could you...?
eg, "Thanks for (putting the beer in the cooler / putting the kids to sleep). However, I like to (wipe the bottles off first in case people want to use the ice / make sure they won't get too warm since it's summer). Will you please (pick up some more ice / leave the blankets off during warm weather)? I'll (wipe the bottles down / take the blankets off) this time. Thanks (again)"
Or even just "Let's get the balloons off the floor. Remember last time? We might get fined $200, and nobody wants that!"

Fine, you're type A, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. Even if you're "right," your tone of voice and word choice can make you wrong.
 
I wasn't aware that people used ice from a cooler to chill their bottled drinks. I just assume the bottles are dirty from handling and don't have my mouth come in contact with the outsides of them or anything that touched them. That said...
.
My take on what the OP said is that the bottles were being put in the cooler and then ice would be put in the cooler, around the bottles to keep them cold. So the ice, and water as the ice melts, would have gypsum dust dissolved in it. So it would look murky.
 
It wouldn't have looked particularly appetizing but that's what paper towels are for.

Have you seen the Corona commercial where a can of beer makes its way through the city to wind up at the beach where a guy picks it up and puts it in the cooler? That would have a far more 'ewww' factor to it to me.
 
I had an awful mother-in-law like this to and I know how it feels to constantly get picked at during family events for the smallest of stupid things. When you try to defend yourself of those things you still are the bad guy, even if you did nothing wrong. I found that defending yourself and responding to bull**** like this never does any good. Your MIL will still have issues with you no matter what you do. There was always one constant in life, I was always Mr. ******* when she was around.
 
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