[involedfather]

Father here, and mine is a blended family. 1 girl, 2 boys from first marriage and I've adopted 2 girls in the present marriage.

About 7 months ago the youngest 4 (2 adopted girls(5/6) and 2 sons(5/10)) decided to start 'pantsing' each other. On a visit to the MIL's house one of my adopted girls told her about my eldest son pantsing her. We were informed of this and took what we feel is appropriate action on the issue. Despite that, we've received continual harassment from MIL about the issue.

Tensions hit an all time high this week when MIL called my wife and told her that she is compelled to call CPS because she believes our 10 year old son is molesting, even raping, my adopted 6 year old daughter. There has been nothing said or indicated since April about anything remotely inappropriate going on.

So we've cut off the MIL. We're not accepting phone calls from her and the girls will not be spending any time with her for the foreseeable future. I have to prepare for CPS involvement at this point and am asking for any insight/experience/advice as to what I'm up against and what to do. Some friends of mine went through a related issue and it literally tore their family apart and has had disastrous ramifications on the accused son. I fear the worst.

Thank you!

 

[underwater2010]

If CPS shows up then answer any and all questions honestly. CPS tends to hear all type of complaints.

I can just imagine the worker's eyes rolling when they ask what type of behavior she has seen that warrant her claiming sex abuse from a 10 yrd old. "Well, my granddaughter told me that he depantsed her."

That being said make sure that your house is prepared. That includes working fire alarms, age appropriated child proofing and clean. They might want to talk to everyone as a family. The good news (don't take this the wrong way) is that she is accusing your son and not you. You can at least satisfy them by having you son and daughter seperated for awhile, if she had accused you then they probably would take your whole family away.

 

[Thor]

Call a lawyer. Protect your son's rights. Protect your rights. Don't answer here but is there any chance it has been more than a silly de-pantsing? If so get your daughter to a qualified child psychologist.

Your MIL may be overly sensitive due to being abused/assaulted herself. If so she will never be an objective observer.

Child protective workers are not your friend. I would not say anything or let them in the house until getting legal advice.
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[involedfather]

If CPS shows up do we have the right to refuse their entrance until we can confer with our lawyer?

Well in tandem with this post I called a counseling service my company offers as part of our benefits package. I spent about 20 minutes explaining the issues our family is going through, the CPS threat and scenario related to it. After a while I kinda felt like I was being interrogated then the counselor laid it on the line and said that she was obligated to report any suspected child abuse/neglect to the state. She followed it up though by saying she didn't feel like there was any such issue going on here and that CPS would not take any action on a simple 'pantsing' issue.

We then discussed the specific issues with the MIL (whole gory history that I haven't bothered you all with) and that we felt we needed to distance ourselves, at least for the time being, and spend some time with a counselor to help my wife deal with the emotional ramifications of cutting her mother out of her life. My wife is considerably co-dependent on what I view as an abusive relationship but seems finally ready to do something about it.

I would like to say that despite my feelings toward the MIL I have tried very hard not to press my 'just disown the b___' agenda but rather support my wife in what she felt like she needed to do and hope for healing this relationship and turning it into what my wife really wants.

That being said, this attack on my son and continual harassment of my wife has pushed me over the edge. Not in a black and white controlling my wife way (I don't feel like I've ever been or could be that way) but in being more direct and ernest about my belief that we need to sever this relationship for the time being. It sounds like we have support of the FIL and my wife's siblings in the matter, so that's good too.

 

[Thor]

That is why you need legal advice before saying another word to anybody. The legal system is not fair nor logical nor kind nor just. There are serious ramifications to saying anything to anybody. The counseelor yoou thought was in a private therapist relationship may be reporting you right now!

Small children can be easily EASILY led to making false allegations. We have all seen the news storiees. O erzealous undereducated agent questions the child in a way to elicit false statements.

I would exercise my full rigjts to stfu and not let the govvernment agent in my home or talk to my children until I have gotten good legal advice.

Search youtube for "don't talk to the police". A seminar by a law professor and a former police officet runs abput 15 minutes. Sorry but I am stuck with only phone access today and can't give a link
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[costa200]

Meanwhile be sure to teach your 10 year old not to do that crap. He is old enough to not be doing that kind of stuff to a much younger kid. If it was my daughter i wouldn't be happy learning that either. Remember that your kids are not real siblings. In fact, given their relative ages it is unlikely that they will behave like they are either.

I'm a teacher, have had to deal with that kind of situation (only worse).

 

[F-102]

Any updates?

 

[Bobby5000]

I am not sure the mother-in-law is completely wrong. Apparently your 10 year old was taking the pants off his sister, which is certainly wrong. You were not particularly upset about that (took unidentified action) but quite severe with your mother-in-law as if she was the one doing something very wrong. Maybe she felt that you were doing little and seemingly accepting this.

It was not clear why you decide what happens rather than this being a joint decision between you and your wife. I did not understand the statement "We're not accepting phone calls from her." Your wife has every right to speak with her mother when she wants. While I recognize and have sympathy for fathers facing false claims of abuse, that does not seem to be what is happening here. Instead, a grandmother with legitimate concerns about a problem, perhaps something that is not abuse but is nonetheless a problem, mentions it, is rebuffed, and then is ostracized for expressing her concerns and apparently the husband unilaterally decided who can see the children and what is wife can do.

This could have been handled better on all sides.