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So I personally try to treat everyone with the respect that I want to be treated with. My husbands mother and I have never really got along, she has told me in the past that she is always for the under-dog but I am not a underdog... I was blessed with 2 loving parents that have the ability to share their wealth with me and my family and she doesn't agree with it. She has always had some pretty underhanded comments about the gifts our kids get and how lucky we are. In the past I let them roll off because it doesn't really matter in the long run. So I went onto my H's facebook page to play games and I thought that I was on mine and I checked his messages and back in September she wrote him a message about how she tried to call his old work and they told him that he no longer works there and that she can feel in her stomach that there is something wrong with him (he works at a place where the guys get transferred frequently so he didn't even think of telling her or anyone for that matter). He e-mailed her back saying everything is fine and that he was transferred and we are all ok and for her to call him at home. in reply she sent this message about how she knows things are not ok and has known since we moved and that he should just drop his pride and talk to her. She also stated that she doesn't like to phone him at home because she would rather do it with-out me. So H told her to drop what ever problem she has with our extended family and myself and to get over it... She spouted off some really mean things talking about how he insulted her integrity and how there is tension when I am around and some things that he knows would really hurt me to hear (he hasn't told me about the e-mails) Now this all came to the point of her saying that he made his choices and he has to live with them now. SO, now I am at a crossroads on weather to talk to him about it or not. I know that he didn't tell me because I am very sensitive about this kind of stuff and it would hurt me, but I want to be there for him:(:confused::confused::confused:
 

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Wow-I can totally sympathize-dealing with in-laws can definitely be challenging! In one sense, you want to respect them and have a good relationship with them, but sometimes it's vital to lay down some boundaries for the sake of your family. Of course, that's easier said than done!

But, personally I think you should discuss your concerns with your husband. Then, if he would agree to it, perhaps you can both sit down with his mom and let her know that the comments she's making are hurtful and not appreciated? I think it would definitely help if you present a united front when talking with her-and let your husband take the lead.

And, I'm not sure if you're a reader, but I've found two books called The Mother-in-Law Dance and In-Law Relationships to give some really good tips on dealing with these tricky issues. So, just a thought!

I hope things improve with your mother-in-law. Hang in there! :)
 

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thank you! I really want him to engage in a healthier conversation with her instead of just shutting it down because it is not good for any of us. I am going to check out the book you recomended!
 

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Sometimes you have mother-in-laws who can be a little bit of a bully. My mom can do that and be tough.

Try to avoid fights with her, but don't be overly flattering or deferential. If she gets in one of her moods, try to avoid the problem. Try not to get your husband in the middle of the fight.

My wife did this and she and my mom are now pretty close. Actually at a recent family gathering when I did something, mom said to my wife, I' don't know how you deal with him" My wife has sometimes said your mom had her hands full dealing with you all.
 
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