[HmaeC]

@Affaircare
You’re not missing that, I’m speaking about my husbands mother basically chooses his baby mama over him and myself (his wife). She thinks we are making her choose between us or his kids mother but I really don’t care (it’s not my business) she has a relationship with her or not. I would just like to have a relationship with my mother in law and do family things.

I like the quote “not my circus, not my monkeys”! I will repeat this!


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[She'sStillGotIt]

Which I guess that’s great but it hurts me (too much) to think she has a relationship with all her grand kids and step grandkids and my child doesn’t seem to matter.

I'm confused.

Are your stepkids your MIL's BIOLOGICAL grandkids? What "step-grandkids" are you talking about?

I'm lost.

 

[Openminded]

She’s made her choice and apparently it’s the hill she’s willing to die on — for now. Things could always change down the road. Let it go.

 

[jlg07]

He doesn’t seem to get bothered or he at least doesn’t let it bother him. Which I guess that’s great but it hurts me (too much) to think she has a relationship with all her grand kids and step grandkids and my child doesn’t seem to matter. Yes he has plenty of others to love him. So I’m happy for that. But what happens when he’s older and his siblings bring up time with their grandma and he questions why he isn’t apart of that?


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Look even your husband can't control his mother/ex. YOU need to get across to HIM how much their attitude and actions hurt YOU. Doesn't HE see that his mother ignores your child together?
THAT he can at least spell out to his mother.
Make sure that they do NOT come between you -- be open, communicate, and stick together. Let THEM feel like the outsiders. If needs be, none of you should attend family gatherings if you are treated this way and HE needs to back you.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

The mother in law has chosen a side. Not sure I'd even want her around your baby. I wouldn't keep making the effort. It's really up to the husband to navigate this, and not you. But I wouldn't okay it for him to go to things over there with the baby without you either. It's your baby.

 

[HmaeC]

I'm confused.

Are your stepkids your MIL's BIOLOGICAL grandkids? What "step-grandkids" are you talking about?

I'm lost.

My step kids are her first biological grand kids (my husband is her only biological child). His step dad (my mother in laws husband) has an adopted son who has kids that she has great relationships with- the step grand kids.


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[HmaeC]

The mother in law has chosen a side. Not sure I'd even want her around your baby. I wouldn't keep making the effort. It's really up to the husband to navigate this, and not you. But I wouldn't okay it for him to go to things over there with the baby without you either. It's your baby.

This is how I feel. I don’t really care for her to be around MY baby when she’s that way towards me and her son! But is that fair to my child?


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[HmaeC]

Look even your husband can't control his mother/ex. YOU need to get across to HIM how much their attitude and actions hurt YOU. Doesn't HE see that his mother ignores your child together?
THAT he can at least spell out to his mother.
Make sure that they do NOT come between you -- be open, communicate, and stick together. Let THEM feel like the outsiders. If needs be, none of you should attend family gatherings if you are treated this way and HE needs to back you.

He says he understands it hurts me but there’s nothing he can do. He doesn’t invite them anywhere and does not respond if they invite him or let’s them know he doesn’t care to be around them since they can’t respect us. I guess that’s the best he can do.
What sucks is when she’s been to our home with my baby she seems to enjoy it, but she never asks to see or be around my baby.


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[jlg07]

Unfortunately, NOTHING you can do to change her attitude about you or your child.
Just let this go -- your H is doing the right thing and supporting/defending you and your child.
just ignore her.

 

[joannacroc]

Had to make peace with this with my ex-MIL. I had my ideas about how much time was normal for a grandparent to spend with their child. She lived close by. But she rarely saw him - pretty much at holidays and maybe twice a year to hang out. After the divorce, it remains about the same. She did step up when asked, when I had a work situation and his dad couldn't take him, and looked after him for a couple of days. Every year or so she'll ask to take him for 3 days to hang out. I can't complain. Growing up it was normal for my grandparents to come and stay so I saw them probably every month, and had a good relationship with them. In the end, he will likely be closer to my parents, not through any intervention from me, but because they see and speak to him more often despite living in another country. He is a priority for them and not for XH's mom.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

This is how I feel. I don’t really care for her to be around MY baby when she’s that way towards me and her son! But is that fair to my child?


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I don't see that it matters much. But really this is your husband's responsibility. If it matters to him he needs to fix it. Kids can do just fine without seeing their grandparents. I know my own grandparents didn't even live anywhere near and I only saw them once or twice a year at most. I mean if they're toxic then they're better off without them. I'm worried about your relationship with your husband because he's not being a man and either taking care of this or letting his mom know she won't be seeing the other kids on his time either.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

He says he understands it hurts me but there’s nothing he can do. He doesn’t invite them anywhere and does not respond if they invite him or let’s them know he doesn’t care to be around them since they can’t respect us. I guess that’s the best he can do.
What sucks is when she’s been to our home with my baby she seems to enjoy it, but she never asks to see or be around my baby.


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That's not too bad the way he handles it, but it is too bad they can't all be adults. Yeesh. Sorry for you. The baby will be fine, I think. Once old enough you can explain it's because granny is a contrary ahole who resents you, though by then they likely will have figured it out from the other kids. So just be sure you let your baby know it's her problem and not anything wrong with your baby.