Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 28 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does this program work? I was just trying to get some feedback, as I seen the sticky above on the program and have check the website out, but seen no reviews/feedback about people using the program.
 

·
Forum Administrator
Joined
·
2,068 Posts
I like Mort's free advice but can't really evaluate the entire program well because my marriage isn't in trouble. I also haven't received much of the material - all I got was a book a few year's ago.

I have been hearing a lot of good things about Dr. Ellen's LightYourFire program lately. A few members have posted positive things about it. When Russell first signed up, he kept posting about how great it was, and I deleted his account because I thought he was a spammer! I felt bad, he really was excited about it I guess. (We get a lot of spam, so it's hard to tell sometimes). Dr. Ellen also sent me her CD's and I listened to one. It was really good, down to earth advice I thought.

Recently, I just started getting the free advice from Save My Marriage Today because I'm advertising it on the site, and so far it's pretty good, but I'm only on day 3.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
Reviews of any of these programs would be awesome. I have been considering purchasing one (I to get Mort Fertels free advice) but I am skeptical because if it sounds too good to be ture it probably is. So any input anyone has would be greatly appreciated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
Oh and I was thinking the the Mort Fertel might be better because you actually get to talk to someone...where as with the "Light my fire" program you are listening to the CD's and you have a workbook....sometimes not every situation is so cookie cutter.
 

·
Forum Administrator
Joined
·
2,068 Posts
I'm pretty sure Dr. Ellen (LightYourFire) offers some free advice through email. At least she told me she did a few months ago... maybe I can get her to post here...

The important thing to consider with any self-help program or marriage counseling, is that they're only going to work if you put forth the effort and are willing to change. You can listen to a therapist or CD all day long, but if you don't make changes in the way you deal with situations and people in your life, then nothing will change.

In other words, "if nothing changes, nothing will change." (popular saying in mental health field)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
I'm pretty sure Dr. Ellen (LightYourFire) offers some free advice through email. At least she told me she did a few months ago... maybe I can get her to post here...

The important thing to consider with any self-help program or marriage counseling, is that they're only going to work if you put forth the effort and are willing to change. You can listen to a therapist or CD all day long, but if you don't make changes in the way you deal with situations and people in your life, then nothing will change.

In other words, "if nothing changes, nothing will change." (popular saying in mental health field)
I agree.....but my concern is right now I feel like I am the one that wants it to work and my husband doesnt....according to the testimonials on her site and the others their motos seem to be "its never too late to fix it". I am willing to do whatever I have to do...but I am still skeptical thats why if maybe I could get some input from someone other than what is posted on their websites it might make my decision easier.

If she could post that would be awesome!!
 

·
Forum Administrator
Joined
·
2,068 Posts
I shot her an email, maybe we'll get lucky. I know she's a busy person, and it's a holiday weekend, so probably not a good time for me to ask...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
689 Posts
What I first discovered is to change MY attitude and by doing so your spouse will come around too. I just got the CD set and started listening today. So far I love it. It resonates with what makes sense and I think DUH! Why didn't I do these things years ago. After reading his free advice, something clicked, work on reconnecting. No accusations or having to work out issues. Mort said when you first fell in love did you have trouble communicating...Uh no...in fact words were not needed we just knew. I want THAT back. Yes, it takes work and its not overnight. Anway, I look forward to hearing the rest of this book. After reading the advice he had, I decided I would be positive regardless. In my case I think we were drifting and probably feeling much of the same thing. Neither of us talked about it we ignored it in our own ways. We don't fight, she still have sex (but it got a bit routine), and we still do nice things out of the blue but something was missing. Then I began to work on myself, I always wanted to get back in to shape so I threw myself in to it 100% and feel good about the changes so far and I noticed that boosted my positive attitude. That being done, I made some other changes around the house, dinner on the table every night by 6:30 (we live a crazy life so I would have thought impossible but it wasn't) which helps with getting in shape and no more 9pm dinners or figuring out what is for dinner at 9pm, dinner at the dinner table rather than in front of the t.v. (except once in awhile), more patience with the kids. Then I am doing some things just to put a little fun, spontanaity and mystery back in to our relationship. We had lunch today, and we both had a really good time. Just the 2 of us, no kids. We have a family day planned Saturday and I invited him on a date Sunday which I've kept a mystery and he texts me asking for hints. Its been only 2 weeks since we discovered we had an issue. After 20+ years together I am surprised it took that long, but then I look back at the things we used to do for each other and I know why...but when did we stop. Anyway so far its a 2 thumbs up but I'll get back to you when I read more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
148 Posts
What I first discovered is to change MY attitude and by doing so your spouse will come around too. I just got the CD set and started listening today. So far I love it. It resonates with what makes sense and I think DUH! Why didn't I do these things years ago. After reading his free advice, something clicked, work on reconnecting. No accusations or having to work out issues. Mort said when you first fell in love did you have trouble communicating...Uh no...in fact words were not needed we just knew. I want THAT back. Yes, it takes work and its not overnight. Anway, I look forward to hearing the rest of this book. After reading the advice he had, I decided I would be positive regardless. In my case I think we were drifting and probably feeling much of the same thing. Neither of us talked about it we ignored it in our own ways. We don't fight, she still have sex (but it got a bit routine), and we still do nice things out of the blue but something was missing. Then I began to work on myself, I always wanted to get back in to shape so I threw myself in to it 100% and feel good about the changes so far and I noticed that boosted my positive attitude. That being done, I made some other changes around the house, dinner on the table every night by 6:30 (we live a crazy life so I would have thought impossible but it wasn't) which helps with getting in shape and no more 9pm dinners or figuring out what is for dinner at 9pm, dinner at the dinner table rather than in front of the t.v. (except once in awhile), more patience with the kids. Then I am doing some things just to put a little fun, spontanaity and mystery back in to our relationship. We had lunch today, and we both had a really good time. Just the 2 of us, no kids. We have a family day planned Saturday and I invited him on a date Sunday which I've kept a mystery and he texts me asking for hints. Its been only 2 weeks since we discovered we had an issue. After 20+ years together I am surprised it took that long, but then I look back at the things we used to do for each other and I know why...but when did we stop. Anyway so far its a 2 thumbs up but I'll get back to you when I read more.
So you are doing Mort Fertels program????

I have been reading alot of your posts and it seems that you and I have some similarities in our situation. Let me know how it works for you =)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
689 Posts
Stumped,
Yes! I bought the Marriage Fitness CD set. I liked what I hear so far so I will keep you posted. But so far I'd recommend it for any couple, trouble or not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Hi Chris,

You can get me to respond anytime, day or night, holiday or not. I value your site and everything you are doing to support relationships. I want to respond to 2 things that “Stumped” has said. First, the belief that “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” I know that I would not be alive today if I had held that belief. When I was originally diagnosed with breast cancer in 1991, my surgeon said I would be lucky to live another 5 years because of the type of cancer I had and the fact that it had spread to my lymph glands. I went to 5 doctors to get more opinions. Each one, in their own way, told me that that I only had a 20% chance of survival and there was very little they could do. One of them told me straight out, to get my affairs in order as soon as possible. I kept searching until I found a doctor who had lots of success stories and told me that I was not a statistic and no one could measure the human will to live. I am still his patient 17 years later!

The next thing I would like to address is the fact that she said, “My concern is right now I feel like I am the one that wants it to work and my husband doesn’t.” I don’t think that is true. I believe that her husband does want it to work. He just doesn’t know what to do to make that happen and therefore feels helpless to change the way he relates to his wife. Most people do not realize that feelings can change in an instant. There is a saying, "If you are facing in the right direction, all you need to do is keep on walking." My life's work is to point people in the right direction so they can love, laugh and deeply connect with each other just like they did in the beginning.

In order to accomplish that, I have developed 2 very different programs, one for men and one for women. I personally feel that when you are both listening to the same information, it's always watered down so that neither of you gets embarrassed or offended. I don't have that problem. When I teach a woman exactly what to say and do to have her husband fall back in love with her, it's for her ears only! When I teach a man what his wife needs in order for her to respond to him again, it's for his ears only! I can be as honest and direct as I need to be.

After doing this for so many years, I really believe that no matter how cold, distant or angry a husband may be right now, deep inside, there is a warm, tender man with a heart of gold. I think that every woman just needs to learn how to bring out the best in him. If a woman is thinking, “Why do I have to do all the work?” she doesn’t! All she has to do is get her husband to commit to listen to his own set for 15 minutes each day on his way to and from work. Whatever she has tried to tell him, I will do it so that he really gets it! Once he understands how easy it is to give a woman the emotional support, understanding, tenderness she needs, he will become a man that is truly worthy of his wife’s love.

Warmest Regards,

Dr. Ellen
 

·
Forum Administrator
Joined
·
2,068 Posts
Wow, it's not too often we have a celebrity post on the site! Thanks for stopping by Ellen! Your products have helped a lot of couples, I know.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
295 Posts
I bought Dr. Ellen's tapes for both my husband and myself. I thought they offered really great advice and would recommend for anyone to listen.

Unfortunately my husband wasn't open to them and didn't listen to all of them. If he did I believe it would help us. Maybe it was the timing...ask your spouse first rather than just give them to him (especially a strong-willed male) But they DID help me to understand how men think and feel...gave me a whole new perspective.

I also called Dr. Ellen and talked with her. She was very good, and although I didn't heed her advice of how to deal with my cheating husband, she was still very helpful.

Thanks Dr. Ellen for your excellent advice!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
I'm pretty sure Dr. Ellen (LightYourFire) offers some free advice through email. At least she told me she did a few months ago... maybe I can get her to post here...
I emailed for some simple advice (should I share the program with my husband) and got an email response saying I could purchase counseling. :scratchhead: I purchased the cd's (both sets) and can't even get them to tell me if it would be wise to give my husband (separated/living in diff cities) the series since he is not interested in restoring the marriage. So I just listened to the cd's and made my own judgement. She talks (in the mens' section) WAY too much about how to please the wife or gf - and since mine has a gf I don't really want to help her get the best of him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Dear K'Lynn,
I do give advice by email if the situation is simple. In a case where a husband has a girlfriend and you are living in different cities, the situation is much too complicated to be dealt with in an email. When I feel that I can't give sound advice without asking more questions and probing deeper, then I let them know that I am available for a phone consultation. I have been doing this a long time and I can usually get to the bottom line in a half hour but always leave an hour open in case I need it.

Your husband has it in his head that he would be better off with this other woman, but as they spend more and more time together and you get stronger and more independent, he will regret what he is doing. The universe and God do not put an importance on time. We are the ones who want things to happen now without learning and growing. For now, use the information on friends, family, co-workers and even total strangers. I want you to use it on your husband when you know in your heart it is absolutely the right time. Your judgment was 100% correct. At this point he is not ready to listen to anything that will restore the marriage. It is you that has to come from a deep place of love and confidence and then your whole life will change. You are on a journey and you will have to see where it takes you.

I want you to know that 95% of affairs do not work out. I think you have been competing with a fantasy for a while now. When he confides in this other woman, there are no bills to pay and no daily responsibilities. There is only a sympathetic ear, listening to his problems and then validating his feelings. He has only been with her a short time and each of them is seeing the other's best behavior. An affair is only fun when it provides an escape. When there is no longer anything to escape to and they are together 24/7 for a long time, that's when he'll realize what a mistake he's making. Right now you need to take a deep breath, relax and keep concentrating on buying yourself time. The more time that goes by without him filing for a divorce, the angrier this other woman will become. Then he will see her true self. No woman wants to date a married man. She only dates him with the promise of him separating from his wife and then getting a divorce. The longer he postpones doing that, the more she will nag him. He certainly doesn't want to be with someone who will continue to question and pressure him.

Your story is not over by a long shot, but there is just no way to speed up time. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer and told that I only had a 20% chance of living in 1991, there was nothing I could do to change the diagnosis and no crystal ball on how much time I really had. I just did everything I could, like changing my diet, exercise, chemotherapy and radiation and then it was in God's hands. I hate to equate your husband to God, but it's up to him whether he changes his mind or not. All you have control over is what you do and don't do.

So no matter how you feel right now and I know it's the fear of losing your husband, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Listening to the program is a giant first step. Also I believe in the power of prayer so if you haven't already done so, sign up on my site and thousands of people will be praying that your husband has a change of heart.

Warmest Regards,
Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Thank you so much for that heartfelt reply, I apologize for being misunderstanding the situation of the email. Your words have given me encouragement and hope, and I have begun to listen to the audios again - for a refresher - and apply what I am learning with my children and friends. The affair supposedly ended when they were caught - she is also married and afraid of getting found out. But I believe they are still talking (they live in separate states) and texting. She is separated, but I don't know if she really wants a divorce. ? Who knows...I am just working on me and seeing where that takes me for now.

Thank you again for your kindness and encouragement!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
I was just wondering if there's anyone out there who has tried either Mort Fertel or Dr. Ellen's programs, but was not actually married. My fiance said he needed "space" and walked out suddenly on a long-term (more than 8 years) relationship. I am trying to work on myself, but I really love him and want to us to give it another go.. but I don't know which programs would be appropriate in my situation..
 
1 - 20 of 28 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top