I agree.....but my concern is right now I feel like I am the one that wants it to work and my husband doesnt....according to the testimonials on her site and the others their motos seem to be "its never too late to fix it". I am willing to do whatever I have to do...but I am still skeptical thats why if maybe I could get some input from someone other than what is posted on their websites it might make my decision easier.I'm pretty sure Dr. Ellen (LightYourFire) offers some free advice through email. At least she told me she did a few months ago... maybe I can get her to post here...
The important thing to consider with any self-help program or marriage counseling, is that they're only going to work if you put forth the effort and are willing to change. You can listen to a therapist or CD all day long, but if you don't make changes in the way you deal with situations and people in your life, then nothing will change.
In other words, "if nothing changes, nothing will change." (popular saying in mental health field)
So you are doing Mort Fertels program????What I first discovered is to change MY attitude and by doing so your spouse will come around too. I just got the CD set and started listening today. So far I love it. It resonates with what makes sense and I think DUH! Why didn't I do these things years ago. After reading his free advice, something clicked, work on reconnecting. No accusations or having to work out issues. Mort said when you first fell in love did you have trouble communicating...Uh no...in fact words were not needed we just knew. I want THAT back. Yes, it takes work and its not overnight. Anway, I look forward to hearing the rest of this book. After reading the advice he had, I decided I would be positive regardless. In my case I think we were drifting and probably feeling much of the same thing. Neither of us talked about it we ignored it in our own ways. We don't fight, she still have sex (but it got a bit routine), and we still do nice things out of the blue but something was missing. Then I began to work on myself, I always wanted to get back in to shape so I threw myself in to it 100% and feel good about the changes so far and I noticed that boosted my positive attitude. That being done, I made some other changes around the house, dinner on the table every night by 6:30 (we live a crazy life so I would have thought impossible but it wasn't) which helps with getting in shape and no more 9pm dinners or figuring out what is for dinner at 9pm, dinner at the dinner table rather than in front of the t.v. (except once in awhile), more patience with the kids. Then I am doing some things just to put a little fun, spontanaity and mystery back in to our relationship. We had lunch today, and we both had a really good time. Just the 2 of us, no kids. We have a family day planned Saturday and I invited him on a date Sunday which I've kept a mystery and he texts me asking for hints. Its been only 2 weeks since we discovered we had an issue. After 20+ years together I am surprised it took that long, but then I look back at the things we used to do for each other and I know why...but when did we stop. Anyway so far its a 2 thumbs up but I'll get back to you when I read more.
I emailed for some simple advice (should I share the program with my husband) and got an email response saying I could purchase counseling. :scratchhead: I purchased the cd's (both sets) and can't even get them to tell me if it would be wise to give my husband (separated/living in diff cities) the series since he is not interested in restoring the marriage. So I just listened to the cd's and made my own judgement. She talks (in the mens' section) WAY too much about how to please the wife or gf - and since mine has a gf I don't really want to help her get the best of him.