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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband's parents divorced when he was 13. He stayed with his mother and helped her through her recovery, which never really happened. She has remarried since but she is obsessed with what happened to her. My husband's father cheated and left her for a younger woman. She claims to be over it all but brings it up in conversation every single chance she finds. I know that she and my husband are close because of what they have been through "together" however it is becoming strange. It seems as if she is in love with her son. She acts one way when he is not around....like an adult. And when he is there she tries to be one of the guys so to speak. She flurts with him all the time. It's nothing sexual but it's still very strange. She has had phsylogical problems in the past and I was just wondering if this is common or not. It has gotten to the point to where it really bothers me. I joke around and say they should run away together, but I honetly think she would love the idea. I believe that she is in love with him because he is the last thing she can hold onto that has to do with the father. But I don't know....Someone help....
 

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I wonder if she looks at her son as her white night, there for her when she needed him most. I think the word love in that respect might be a bit far out there but she might look at him as her best friend. The one person that never left her side through everything. The one person she feels confrotable telling anyting to. I know that has to be hard on you because in a marriage you want to be that person to your spouce. I would sit down and talk to him about it. If he sees it then no big deal, let her have her confort and you knowing he loves you.
 

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Hi, that has to be really frustrating and awkward, especially if there are little comments made about it by you and her (which probably don't help). She might also feel like he's "left" her for a younger woman (you) just like his father did, and that might hurt a little even though she knows that he's still her son. Maybe you two could hang out without him and she could come to see that she's gained a daughter, not lost a son.

I would think that it might be a good idea to let your husband know that it feels uncomfortable sometimes, as long as you can say it without making it sound like an accusation.
 

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Does her son look like the father?

My father died when I was 1 and I grew up to be a "carbon copy" of my father look wise. Which turned outt o be a problem.

My mother re-married when I was 14, but my step father had to compete agaist a "ghost" which is tough, and I being the carbon copy...my mother would say how much I was like my father constantly, and brought tension in the family as in My step father was jealous of me and resents me to this day.

Your hubby needs to pull away slowly, not completely, but he needs to live his own life.

I wouldn't worry to much about your mother in law, as long as she is not mean to you or try to get in the way of your marriage, let her be her flakey self. All depends really on if your hubby can handle it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Oh thank you! It seems like you really understand. It's hard I think for people to see that this is beyond a wife not getting along with the mother in law or being jealous of the mama's boy relationship. It is much deeper and much more sensative to handle than that. He looks exactly like his father. They have the same body language and everything. But she sees my husband as the "pure version" of his father which he is very far from. We have had problems before we were married with faithfulness and trust and he chose to discuss these issues with her recently. She turned right around and brought them to me. When she heard my side she refused to believe that her son would do anything like his father did. It was crazy. These are things that happened between my husband and I and have been over with for years. She really wanted to dig it up. She was crying saying, "why did he do this to me?" This is when I noticed the problem. He didn't cheat on her, but because the father did she sees our problems as her own. However it's not like she has taken the burden of another as a way of support. It's more like her mind cannot seperate my relationship with him from her own. Listen to this...this is the kicker! We are having our first baby any day now. Sooner than later I hope! :eek: She seems to feel like she and my husband are having a baby. She has named the baby something different. She will not budge or listen to reason when we discuss it. She breaks down and cries to try to get him to change his mind. It's pathetic. She says that she has never had a girl before so this is her first. WOW! It's my first! She tells me the temperment of the child and the things that the child is going to like. I just let her talk. Everyone knows that children pave their own way and find the things they like on their own...but whatever. It's like she wants a perfect little princess and somehow this child is going to make everything better in her life. What a burden for an unborn baby! I'm sure all mother in laws do this, but she tells me how to care for the baby. For example....how to feed her, clothe her, not to use a passy. Things like that. Recently she told me that she may not be at the hospital right away. I'm wondering if she wants to see the baby with just my husband. Part of the fantasy? Who knows. I am just trying to make sence of it all. My husband is not 100% innocent because I'm sure he does things to encourage her, like sharing too much information with her about our life. But in his defence I have not shared any of this with him and I don't think he sees it the way I do. For all I can tell they have always been this way and he doesn't see it as unusual. I know I have to be very careful in how I present it when I do. For now it's harmless but I can see it developing into a problem. There has to be a diagnosis for this sort of attachment.
 

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yea sounds a little deeper then I first thought, My mother wasn't that deep into me, But I was also a very independent person, she would complain I didn't visit her enough (Irish mother) I was like what ever.

Anyway, yea sounds like she has some disorder there, your hubby doews need to pull away....slowly.

As you said, he is the "pure version" he can do no wrong in her eyes....Ever.

It's her son, she raised him and that is all she has.

Best of luck, the mother and son should seek counseling.
 
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