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I rarely know when she's happy or content. I ALWAYS know when she is angry, frustrated, upset, *fill in negative feeling here*. That is exhausting by itself. I have no problem listening and apologizing when I'm wrong or when I'm the reason for the negative feelings, but when they are almost constant, it makes me want to just stop.
What attracted you to this woman in the first place? Your ex wife had Borderline Narcissistic Personality? That tells you something about the type of people you are attracted to, need to work on that issue with a therapist to avoid issues in the future.

How did you guys get together, were you both out of your prior marriages/divorced, etc?

Put your kids first (every time) it is good you are leaving her. Now get it together, get a lawyer, get alternative accommodation for your kids, sort out the finances and move on.
From what you are saying there may be signs of BPD if she is constantly not happy and harassing you?
How is her relationship with her own kids?

Blending families is not easy at all but if you are she are not getting on it will make it more difficult esp with teenage kids. Sounds like you guys rushed into this arrangement.
 

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Discussion Starter #122
Actually, the law might not see it her way. If your pay was also going in to it, then the court might declare it as a joint account, no matter what she might want to believe.
Yes, my pay and her pay all went into the same account. I have not spoken to a lawyer yet.
 

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Discussion Starter #123
What attracted you to this woman in the first place? Your ex wife had Borderline Narcissistic Personality? That tells you something about the type of people you are attracted to, need to work on that issue with a therapist to avoid issues in the future.

How did you guys get together, were you both out of your prior marriages/divorced, etc?

Put your kids first (every time) it is good you are leaving her. Now get it together, get a lawyer, get alternative accommodation for your kids, sort out the finances and move on.
From what you are saying there may be signs of BPD if she is constantly not happy and harassing you?
How is her relationship with her own kids?

Blending families is not easy at all but if you are she are not getting on it will make it more difficult esp with teenage kids. Sounds like you guys rushed into this arrangement.
We had a lot in common when we first met, including our divorces from our first spouses. I guess you could say we kind of bonded over the trauma of the loss of those relationships in a way, among many other things. I've touched on the narcissism that I seem to be attracted to in therapy sessions in the past.

I see so many varying opinions on whether or not you should "protect" your children in situations such as these. At what point do you do so? At what point is normal conflict and not? Should they see some amount of conflict AND see you repair said conflict?

I've had a suspicion about the BPD thing for a while, some things fit and something do not. Everything I've read says that even if you suspect someone is BPD, never bring that up to them directly.

Her relationship with her children is mostly good. She's always been a yeller with them, so they expect that from her when she does that. It has gotten better since I've known her, but her anger is such a hot button issue that it's scary. I've told her that if she speaks to my children like she speaks to her own sometimes, it's an immediate deal breaker and I'm gone fast than you can blink, and she never has. It's just that my wife seems to have no filter at times. When she thinks of something, it comes pouring out when she's angry and cannot stop herself.

I've felt for a while that we rushed many things about our relationship, yes. I completely agree with you there.
 

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I see so many varying opinions on whether or not you should "protect" your children in situations such as these. At what point do you do so? At what point is normal conflict and not? Should they see some amount of conflict AND see you repair said conflict?
My mother was your wife. Please protect your children and start doing so now by getting an attorney. To this day - about a million years later - there are still things that can trigger me regarding the damage my mother doled out. Granted, the triggers aren't as strong now, but certain things can still take me back. I went through YEARS of therapy to heal from the damage.

Your conflict with your wife is not normal. You know it. Your children know it. Worse yet, your children are being damaged by this.

Do the right thing. Your children deserve nothing less.
 
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