Talk About Marriage banner
261 - 280 of 289 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,933 Posts
I agree 100% if boundaries are not there and are not followed it doesn’t matter how much policing you will be doing, they will find a way you just won’t know about it
I think that from the beginning boundaries have to be said personally I made a mistake not to give a specific outline of the boundaries that ought to be there because you know you assume these are common knowledge for most but no they are not so please be aware of boundaries let your other person know so that it is clear and there is no confusion, just my opinion
Anyone with half a brain knows what it takes to have a safe marriage. If you have to tell them what their boundaries need to be you probably shouldn’t have married them in the first place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Hi all!

Had a guys-night-out last night with 3 friends. Two of them are single and the other one is married. All were very concerned about my divorce and how it basically came “out of nowhere.” Although I wanted to spend ZERO time talking about it, they kept asking questions about the circumstances so I basically told them everything. What was really revealing is that one of the single guys and the married dude have a girlfriend/wife that is in constant contact with coworkers of the opposite sex. The married dude even mentioned that sometimes his wife comes home and heads straight for the shower (he says she blames COVID-LOL) and goes to work wearing Victoria Secrets’ thongs. In a nutshell, I saw red flags everywhere. So, being that they are my friends and I do not want them to go through the same sh-t I did, I gave them a guideline as to what to do (obviously told them to check out TAM so that they could see I wan’t bluffing).

I basically told them that they ought to monitor their SO even if all is ok. I suggested they monitor their 1) texting/calls, 2) their internet activity (facebook+instagram included), 3) their social interactions, 4) their traveling and 5) their nights out. I also told them to do this right after their nights out or after they noticed a subtle change in behavior or if they see their SO deleting texts.

Was I out of line? Did I miss anything? Doing some preventive monitoring isn’t going to kill their SO.
Your use of "SO" is not listed in https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
794 Posts
Not trust yourself? That is seriously low moral integrity if you can't even trust yourself not to commit adultery. Me becoming a serial killer is more likely, that me committing adultry.
In other words, "check yourself". Is that better?

You're more likely to become a serial killer than cheat on your partner? Is that supposed to be a good thing? LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
Hi all!

Had a guys-night-out last night with 3 friends. Two of them are single and the other one is married. All were very concerned about my divorce and how it basically came “out of nowhere.” Although I wanted to spend ZERO time talking about it, they kept asking questions about the circumstances so I basically told them everything. What was really revealing is that one of the single guys and the married dude have a girlfriend/wife that is in constant contact with coworkers of the opposite sex. The married dude even mentioned that sometimes his wife comes home and heads straight for the shower (he says she blames COVID-LOL) and goes to work wearing Victoria Secrets’ thongs. In a nutshell, I saw red flags everywhere. So, being that they are my friends and I do not want them to go through the same sh-t I did, I gave them a guideline as to what to do (obviously told them to check out TAM so that they could see I wan’t bluffing).

I basically told them that they ought to monitor their SO even if all is ok. I suggested they monitor their 1) texting/calls, 2) their internet activity (facebook+instagram included), 3) their social interactions, 4) their traveling and 5) their nights out. I also told them to do this right after their nights out or after they noticed a subtle change in behavior or if they see their SO deleting texts.

Was I out of line? Did I miss anything? Doing some preventive monitoring isn’t going to kill their SO.
So wearing VS thong to work is nothing to jump to conclusions about! Now if she only wears VS thongs when going out or when it’s date night (she’s trying to be sexy for significant other) and is all the sudden wearing to work Then worry and start investigating. My wife only wears VS Thongs and Bra‘s but that is everyday but that is her preference in being comfortable.
If she is showering as soon as getting home huge red flag if she don’t do it everytime she goes out.
the lies just add to all his other problems and she needs to be his ex wife!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Hi all! Had a guys-night-out last night with 3 friends. Two of them are single and the other one is married. All were very concerned about my divorce and how it basically came “out of nowhere.” Although I wanted to spend ZERO time talking about it, they kept asking questions about the circumstances so I basically told them everything. What was really revealing is that one of the single guys and the married dude have a girlfriend/wife that is in constant contact with coworkers of the opposite sex. The married dude even mentioned that sometimes his wife comes home and heads straight for the shower (he says she blames COVID-LOL) and goes to work wearing Victoria Secrets’ thongs. In a nutshell, I saw red flags everywhere. So, being that they are my friends and I do not want them to go through the same sh-t I did, I gave them a guideline as to what to do (obviously told them to check out TAM so that they could see I wan’t bluffing). I basically told them that they ought to monitor their SO even if all is ok. I suggested they monitor their 1) texting/calls, 2) their internet activity (facebook+instagram included), 3) their social interactions, 4) their traveling and 5) their nights out. I also told them to do this right after their nights out or after they noticed a subtle change in behavior or if they see their SO deleting texts. Was I out of line? Did I miss anything? Doing some preventive monitoring isn’t going to kill their SO.
Nope not out of line at all. If there’s nothing to find there’s nothing to worry about !
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
WOW so much analysis over a woman's choice to wear a thong, yikes!
I have no idea if this guy's wife is cheating on him or not BUT wearing nice underwear being seen as a sign of cheating is.just.bizarre!! I love wearing pretty lingerie/clothes because it makes me happy not because I am cheating on my husband??? Do you honestly think the entire industry of sexy lingerie is based on women buying them for the sole purpose of us wanting to dress sexy for men?! No 🙄
Also, my husband sometimes dresses extra nice for work, should I be seeing this as a sign that he is cheating on me? Or maybe he just feels like dressing up some days and I should let the poor man be?
Women wear thongs for a bunch of reasons - no visible panty line under tight pants/skirts being one of them which is why someone might wear a thong to the office/outings but not wear them at home.
Micromanaging your partners' activities to that extent doesn't sound healthy for either person IMO, if you think your partner is cheating isn't it better to just talk to them about it? If they lie and you're sure they are lying then maybe it's better to do whatever is needed to end that relationship. What is the point of living in misery & stress every single day?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,999 Posts
WOW so much analysis over a woman's choice to wear a thong, yikes!
I have no idea if this guy's wife is cheating on him or not BUT wearing nice underwear being seen as a sign of cheating is.just.bizarre!! I love wearing pretty lingerie/clothes because it makes me happy not because I am cheating on my husband??? Do you honestly think the entire industry of sexy lingerie is based on women buying them for the sole purpose of us wanting to dress sexy for men?! No 🙄
Also, my husband sometimes dresses extra nice for work, should I be seeing this as a sign that he is cheating on me? Or maybe he just feels like dressing up some days and I should let the poor man be?
Women wear thongs for a bunch of reasons - no visible panty line under tight pants/skirts being one of them which is why someone might wear a thong to the office/outings but not wear them at home.
Micromanaging your partners' activities to that extent doesn't sound healthy for either person IMO, if you think your partner is cheating isn't it better to just talk to them about it? If they lie and you're sure they are lying then maybe it's better to do whatever is needed to end that relationship. What is the point of living in misery & stress every single day?
In a vacuum with no other potential red flags wearing a thong is not a issue, not a sign of cheating, or anything nefarious. That is not what is being talked about. It is when someone changes their behavior. Like suddenly wearing a thong, only to work, and after you've told your husband numerous times that you hate thongs. Taking a shower after work is no big deal, unless it is an unexpected change in behavior. Like 10 years at the same job, never showering after work and suddenly having to shower the minute you get home. Combine that with suddenly wearing those thongs you previously hated and you have to start scratching your heading. Now throw in lying about where you are and the alarm bells should be going off. Sometime a thong is just underwear and nothing to worry about, until it isn't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,914 Posts
so what have I learned from this topic ,

WOMEN that buy VS knickers are into cheating , So all I now have to do to know if my wife is a cheater is look in his knickers shelf ,
so before VS women never cheated ,

Cheaters lie I bought a dog not long ago the woman selling the pup said she is used to cats and chickens and gets on fine with them , NOW I know my new dog likes cats ONE BRESTFAST, DINNER, AND SUPPER .

So i think when she said loved cats was not in the same way I WAS THINKING

SO now I have to rethink my Christmas gift for my wife , and all the girls that grow up in the 10 years from was it 2000 up to 2010 when thongs and g strings were all the go they are all the cheating generation and now that styles have gone back to granny knickers cheating is not as common High Waisted Knickers - Granny Panties just Upgraded!
 
  • Love
Reactions: TexasMom1216

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,914 Posts
so should I tell the husband of the woman that sold me the dog because I now know she lied that he needs to look in her knickers box ?

is it ok the next time I want to get a new dog if I want to know if the dog is friendly with cats I have to ask to she what knickers she has on

must try that next time I buy a car
 
  • Like
Reactions: TexasMom1216

·
Registered
Joined
·
86 Posts
Only two red flags to look for if a girlfriend or wife is suspected of cheated.
1. They have to be in contact with their APs.
2. They have to go out to meet them.
Any other signs can be forgotten
If a spouse is constantly on her phone, doesn`t want anyone to hear her conversation or see her texts and guards her phone as if it`s surgically attached to her and/or tries to hide her activities on her laptop and starts pass wording everything.
Begins getting home later.
Goes out to events with people or a person that does involve her male partner.
Puts on sexy attire and more makeup when she goes out. Makes more effort to keep fit and with her appearance.
If any of this is happening, then is the time to start investigating a spouse activities.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,914 Posts
Makes more effort to keep fit
my wife is gone big time into keep fit , she used to walk a few km every day until the day some strange guy was coming in the other direction in his car he stopped and then backed up and the more she walked away the more he backed up then she started to run , so that put her off the walking but now she does keep fit every night before she gets in to bed , do you think there is any chance , lol

was it here we had someone tell us their husband would not let any near his phone as he was MI5
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
674 Posts
, if you think your partner is cheating isn't it better to just talk to them about it?
That's like the #1 thing NOT to do....if your spouse is not cheating they will likely get upset, etc... and if they are cheating you just gave them a good reason to hide it better.....i just have never heard or read about asking ones spouse about cheating leading to anything good.

Sent from my SHT-W09 using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,557 Posts
This thread has been redirected, misdirected, changed to fit narrative, and twisted so much that by the end I’m going to either agree with everyone, disagree with everyone, or just plain forget what I was thinking about in the first place.

So yeah ….. if you have to verify to trust …. You chose wrong to begin with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21,556 Posts
This thread has been redirected, misdirected, changed to fit narrative, and twisted so much that by the end I’m going to either agree with everyone, disagree with everyone, or just plain forget what I was thinking about in the first place.

So yeah ….. if you have to verify to trust …. You chose wrong to begin with.
Since poor behavior is so rampant, it's hard for many to have a solid partner to begin with.

A lot of men, maybe women too, have been hammered down so much as to be second guessing themselves when disrespect and infidelity would be obvious to a healthy individual.

There were also, as you alluded to, some individuals who totally ignored the details of the OP and made up there own stories and then started commenting on their own fantasies.

I'm not sure what the medical term for that behavior is but it is definitely a mental illness.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,670 Posts
Since poor behavior is so rampant, it's hard for many to have a solid partner to begin with.

A lot of men, maybe women too, have been hammered down so much as to be second guessing themselves when disrespect and infidelity would be obvious to a healthy individual.

There were also, as you alluded to, some individuals who totally ignored the details of the OP and made up there own stories and then started commenting on their own fantasies.

I'm not sure what the medical term for that behavior is but it is definitely a mental illness.
Psychotic. We all know the individuals you are talking about.
 
261 - 280 of 289 Posts
Top