Talk About Marriage banner
221 - 240 of 289 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,567 Posts
"Trust" and "verify" are mutually exclusive. Reagan assumed people who heard the comment would understand that. That being said, I don't think I trust anyone. Completely.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,949 Posts
I´ve never, not once in my life, took a look on the private communication of a woman at my side and never would.
I´ve never, not once in my life, voiced my oppinion on how a woman at my side choosed to dress, exception made when explicitely asked for or to compliment her.
This as part of a wider respect for her own choices.
Even so that focus on individuality, her´s.
Is that relevant enough to become the last word about a relationship? Hardly.

I´m a self confident man. Individually, so if single as if not.
So that focus on individuality, mine.
Is that relevant enough to become the last word about a relationship? Hardly.

Why?
Cos IMO (just IMO) relationships where individuality concerns, being them important, are the Holy Grail of it all are not at all worth my hopes and wishes.
And also IMO (just IMO) those concerns miss the intrinsic nature of relationships (at least the ones I find of value) to focus in what is not in the core of their meaning.
Like a good grip, needed but far from being the defining side of a (let´s say) knife.

But there is another also significative point.
Some argue on what is a "red flag" and what not.
Both red flags and trust are related to what is not known.
This assumes that what is known, some facts and behaviours as they are and while don´t lead "further" should be acceptable. And what we should trust is about "intentions".
Not necessarily or not for me.

That is, some facts and behaviours as they are visible would be the end of the involved relationship.
That without objecting the individual right to choose them.
And neither as mainly my own right to choose, although implied.
But cos I may find them, regardles the intentions and in itselves, not merely red flags of a potential something, but stuff not compatible with the kind of relationship I want.
Even if socially accepted as "harmless" for the sacred sake of sacred individuality.
I like your Greek style of prose.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,949 Posts
I agree with you. I never understood VS to be a "sex clothing" manufacturer. They are a women's undergarment, lingerie and sleepwear company. Several of my female friends, who are not married, all love VS because the company makes very high quality clothing. One of my lady friends wears only VS bras because she says they last 3x as long as other bras she has worn in the past AND they are beautiful. I have seen her in them, have taken them off of her many times, and I agree VS makes nice stuff. :)

Now... Adam and Eve? THAT is sex clothing.
My wife will soon be wearing only teddies, thigh high stockings and heels and the like to work.

She does however work from home, on the phone/computer. When son leaves for college, she is gonna wear a teddy or bustier with thigh highs and her heels while working, to torment me on breaks and just knowing she is in our bedroom dressed that way will make me go insane. We both work from home. My office is in spare room.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
Isn’t one of the things to watch for when someone suspects infidelity, new sexy underwear that isn’t worn when at home? On its own, it doesn’t really mean anything, but I’ve read so many stories citing underwear as one of the things that tipped off a BS to an affair.

I agree that being a marriage warden isn’t a recipe for success in a marriage, but damn, I wish I had found TAM or other relationship boards long ago. I would have taken action had I known what to be suspicious about. However, a BS will see infidelity everywhere after finding out your partner has betrayed you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,329 Posts
If you could quote the OP, specifically where you found that any owner of a thong was suspected of cheating, I will heartily jump on board with you.
It's a red flag, implying it's a sign of potential cheating. You don't see this? Maybe I should have said what I said now? It was very clear to me. I'm surprise you don't read that in the post.

Also, I would appreciate it if you didn't drag the conversation to a personal level all the time, because I very much dislike it and it's getting very tiresome. Thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,035 Posts
Respectfully, I just want to clarify. The TITLE included the words JUST IN CASE. The two behaviors given for a friends wife and another friends girlfriend were “wearing VS and having male coworker friends” and no further details except his wife’s affair came out of nowhere which riled his friends up a great deal (if you read the thread and believe it, his wife’s affair did not come out of nowhere she exhibited glaringly obvious behaviors). The underwear and coworker details as mentioned in that post, could easily mean looking for things where nothing exists. The story was then expounded to include far more devious things later. Which isn’t “JUST IN CASE”, and the woman as obviously ALREADY being monitored by GPS so what, we needed to figure out more and better ways to spy? Nobody is going to touch on the creepiness of stalking girlfriends now either?

Let’s be even more clear, any and every behavior including “being nicer to your spouse” and “having more sex” can be a red flag for cheating. Also, tracking people, monitoring their texts and accusing them of inappropriate behavior and cheating… is a sign of cheating too!! So maybe these women will then decide these guys are the ones cheating on them and the stalking can be returned in kind or just do the thing people with balls do (I’m not one of those) and kick their butts to the curb. Who knows what that behavior could cause.

I don’t think the intent of this thread was created for blaring red flags and gut instincts, I think it was created and worded for things that paranoid people could see everywhere and to monitor JUST IN CASE. And believe me, if you’re actively looking for cheating behaviors…you will indeed find them whether there is cheating or not. I’ve been accused of cheating (by the cheater) more times than I can count. It doesn’t feel great.

Anyways. I’ll back off the thread, it seems to be instigating some tension amongst people and I don’t like to see good people go at each other like this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #237 ·
This here is the sentence some are focused on, whereas the rest of your post covers a friend's wife and some suspicious circumstances.

IMHO, I would not ever suggest monitoring your SO's behavior if everything is OK, because really, it's just looking for things that aren't there. Why cause a problem when one doesn't exist? It just makes no sense.

Now, with that being said, the meat of your post discusses a friend of yours, whose wife is exhibiting some concerning red flags. Putting the two together in one post creates opposing opinions over two different subjects. I can understand why both sides have very different views regarding your initial post, because normal people don't monitor their spouse if everything is OK, and most normal people would probably offer similar advice to a friend whose spouse was behaving suspiciously. Using your friends circumstances are quite different than monitoring even if everything is OK.
Again, did you read any of my comments after the original post?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
689 Posts
Well, supposedly he’s caught her lying before. According to him she would tell him that she was going to the local Whole Foods to get the groceries for the week and that it was going to take her “a while.” All of a sudden HE would get a phone call from the Whole Foods to let him know that his order was ready for pickup (meaning she was somewhere else). Or that she was going to TJ Max to get an article of clothing he’d already seen hidden in the back of the closet.

The main issue is that us guys NEVER talk about this kind of stuff. He’s most likely too late as is, although I didn’t have the heart to tell him. He’s going to have a fire pit get together soon, so I’ll know if he took my advise and, if so, if he found out his wife is cheating on him. Once I know that I’ll let him know what to do next (shut up and hit the record button so he can get a much better divorce outcome).
ummmm...these lies are not good.
 
221 - 240 of 289 Posts
Top