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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband is irritating me. When it comes to money, we usually split things up. He works as a contractor so sometimes there are weeks at a time where things are very slow.

I work full-time and am starting a business. When things are slow, he has no problem spending all of my money, however, doesn’t help me much with my business. There are plenty of things he could do, but just doesn’t. I mean, he will do a couple things here and there, pass a few business cards out, but that’s about it.

This pisses me off and I feel like I’m being taken advantage off. He says we “are one” so has access to everything of mine and vice versa. That’s fine. It just pisses me off when he has a month off so I’m paying for everything AND not getting any help from him.

If he would help me out with the business, clearly I wouldn’t mind paying for everything. But this just pisses me off. I tell him this, but he continues to do everything the way he has been doing it.

I wonder if we should separate all the money and split everything equally and just basically say screw you when he has no money. Then, I feel I would be paying ½ the bills and the other half just wouldn’t be paid. This is so irritating. I don’t want to feel like a mother to him. I don’t want to make him do anything. However, I don’t like getting a call from him at the beach after he’s had a month off as I’m working reminding me to pay the rent.
 

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I think taking things over financially will put you in that motherly role as you fear and cause you to resent him even more. It doesn't sound like you earning more money is the real issue. It sounds as though you resent him not working as hard as you. He wants the money to be pooled as if you are "one" but to really live as "one" you both need to tend to each other's needs. Tell him how you are feeling. Tell him you are overwhelmed and feeling unappreciated when you work full-time and are starting a business to better you both and he is not being supportive. Come up with some realistic ideas that would make you feel better...if he took temporary work during down times, took over paying the bills or whatever it is so that you can at least discuss it. I know some men in seasonal lines of work and it can be depressing for them when they are not working/providing because when they are working they are very dedicated and hard-working, so be sensitive to how he is during his time off as well.
 

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Yeah unfortunately, your man has already lost your respect as a "man" in your mind, so the best thing to do is to have a talk with him about maintaining his half or him taking a long walk off of a short pier while he's on that beach waiting for you to pay the rent.

I'm a guy and for fairness sake in the greater scheme of things I usually love it when a guy gets away with stuff that women normally get away with, like letting the other person pick up the tab and just lounging around the house, but I'm on your side on this one.

Tell him that for the sake of you even wanting to keep him as the man in your life/future,whatever, he needs to "man up" and take care of his end if not making things easier for you at least not making it harder, right...
 

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Nothing will cause more problems in a relationship faster is money issues now i think women are all for equal rights which is great but why are you fighting over money you are married and everything should be equal all choices made and all finances should be shared also.The whole his money and my money thing just pisses me off it should be equal contributions to the relationship and who cares who contributes more money to the relationship you are both striving for the same things arn't you?? When you start with mine and his you are opening up a can of worms
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks guys - I appreciate your input. I don't care that I make more money, it's just that I don't want to work all day and then clean the house as he watches tv and has done nothing all day.

Definately 1/2 of this problem is me. I let this happen. I think that I should not come home and clean when he's had a week off. He clearly doesn't understand how this is upsetting me because I keep letting it happen.

Also, yes, I should have a discussion with him on this.
 

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You should talk about all these that bothers you, openly and honestly. He might not be aware of those things, and it is making you get angrier. Unfortunately the money issues are more common than you think. But you both have to work at it.
 

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I know how hard it is on the finances when the husband doesn't bring in a steady amount of money, or gets paid irregularly. My husband is paid once a month, and that is one stretch to get to payday every month. However, I have to say, my opinion, that you are married,and there is no 1/2 and 1/2. You guys need to communicate better, I'm sure you know that. As has been suggested, you need a heart to heart and you need it now. As was said before, there's nothing like money to mess up a relationship. It'll be hard work to get this sorted out, but I think you can do it.
 

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I say you should keep the business completely separate from your married life. For liability purposes and whatnot, that is the smartest move.

To that end, I agree with what was said earlier about finding other things for him to do. It really does sound like your issue is with him "relaxing" while you are working so hard. Seeing as you never complained about the amount of money he brings in, and never said you were in dire straights, I am doubly convinced of the above conclusion -- you hate that you are in the office while he is on the beach.

Attacking his profession won't do you any good -- it is part of who he is. If you want to be manipulative and negative you can go that "I don't see you as a 'man' I see you as a child" route and combine that with withholding sex, but that will only help in the short term and cause damages in the long term.

So if you just need to see him busy because you are busy, I think you have a self-imposed mental block that you need to get over. Is your husband REALLY a lazy man? Is he a worthless layabout using you as a sugar momma?

Orrrr.... is he a partner who makes his living in a field that is sporadic. Does he love what he does? Trust me that is worth it. If you make him get a 9-5 job he hates just so he has a regular paycheck, he will be so miserable that you will YEARN for these days.
 

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This is a division of work issue as much as it is a division of money thing. whatever you decide to do, I think you need to do it and clear the air before your own business takes off any further as it'll only get worse & you'll feel more resentful.
 
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