[Kekela]

My STBXH is very much a mommas boy. He was the baby of her two children. He wanted this divorce and currently is staying in our house with all of our items. I went to the house to collect some personal items to find that he has blocked the driveway with our car for fear of me bringing in a truck and "robbing him blind". I'm getting used to this behavior as it has been the case since we first separated 2 months ago. I parked in the street and made my way inside the house to find him very irritated that I'm there. At 37 years old the first thing he did was call MOMMY who of course immediately came to his rescue. What kills me the most is he has put such a negative image of me in his mothers/family's heads. To her I have been the most evil negative "thief" of a wife who was unable to take care of her baby's needs. I have been tempted to email her to let her know my side of what is going on and to let her know what is REALLY going on with her son. My STBXH has a history of very heavy drug abuse and gay tendencies. There was an issue when he was a child to where they did find out about his tendencies but to them it all stopped at that moment. Little do they know he continued his gay tendencies through his twenties and early thirties even going so far as to answer Craig List ads to meet up with random men hes never met. SCARY!!! He came out and told me all of this 2 1/2 years into our marriage and said he still has urges but he is not gay. He claims it is 100% physical and no emotion what so ever. He does claim he has NOT done this since he and i started dating/ got married. But the day before we separated i was on our computer and found a lot of gay porn. He has NEVER shared this with his family. I know it should be up to him to tell them but he is never going to find peace or happiness until he figures out who he is and what he wants. He refuses to listen to me when i say maybe you should discuss this with a therapist. He accused me of mental cruelty and insisted that im trying to convince him that he is crazy. He is quite the spoiled brat when he doesn't get his way and I'm then accused of not trusting him, loving him, or being there for his needs. To me, i was in a no win situation. I did everything i could and over the years actually believed i was at fault for his misery. The more time I spend away the more I realize that i am not the reason. Only he can create his own happiness and he depends way too much on others to create it for him and blames others for all of his problems. He refuses to see that he has any deeper internal issues. To him "I" am the problem so that is why I am being tossed to the side. I know I need out of this toxic relationship and this truly is a blessing in disguise but i do still love my husband and do want him to be happy no matter what happens. His family can guide him there where as I could not. Do i explain this to them?

 

[BigMac]

He is gay. Period.

Divorce him and move on !

I'm straight guy and I doesn't watch gay porn. How does he found those gay ads on Craig List ? He was looking for them . I'm straight and I don't search for such a ads ? Why did he ?
Because he is gay but doesn't have the balls to make this first step and/or he is afraid of his mom/family reactions.

Divorce him and move on ! You can win him back , he is interested in boys !

 

[Kekela]

I agree. He is kidding himself. I know he fears shame from his family as it has hurt them in the past. But do I tell them so they can move him in the direction he needs to be whole and happy??

 

[Kekela]

His mother would be much more open to helping him through it than his father. She would definitely be the one that i would inform, if i even should. More than likely its not my place but he will never come to terms with it on his own.

 

[BigMac]

NO! It is not your story ! Let him do it on his own .

If you do that they all will hate you , even if you don't care why do you need the negative energy towards you ?

 

[Kekela]

HA! They all already hate me. He has filled their heads all full of BS and half truths to make him look like the innocent victim. You should see my previous post about the death threat.

 

[BigMac]

I saw your previous post

If you tell them he is gay , what will be your benefit ? More hate . Why do you need this ? You're getting already enough crap .

Most probably In the past they suspect/accused him oh gay tendencies and he married you to prove them he is not. This is maybe why it never worked .

I think you should move on , to me he is clearly gay . Straight guys doesn't watch gay porn nor answer gay ads

 

[Kekela]

My favorite warm and fuzzy of the day from my STBXH.

"You can steal power cables and phone chargers and dysons but you will never find someone that could love you like i did when you were so undeserving of love. So be it. You want a battle you got it
You will regret all of this
But it was all your choice
I hope you cry yourself to sleep every night"

I think ill have this embroidered on a pillow. I did take the power cable to the tv to be a beeotch the others i do not have. I will be moving stuff out tjis weekend. Talked to my lawyer and the sheriffs dept. he is going to be VERY upset when half of "his" house is gone.
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[BigMac]

Don't answer such e-mails/texts no matter what ! Just document it.

 

[Kekela]

Oh i dont. Its not worth it. Looking from the outside now hes lost control of me and is trying to gain it back through his standard verbal/ emotional abuse. I see a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is relief and happiness. Im on my way.
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[BigMac]

Oh i dont. Its not worth it. Looking from the outside now hes lost control of me and is trying to gain it back through his standard verbal/ emotional abuse. I see a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is relief and happiness. Im on my way.
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I'm very happy to hear that. So 180 works for you right

Keep doing it and don't talk to him. Show him that you moved on and can't wait to get rid of him. His insecurity will kill him and he'll change to "nice" guy . I bet my cat he'll change within a week

 

[Kekela]

The 180 is working amazingly. I am done. Even if he is "nice" i know it will be 100% manipulative. This marriage is over and not soon enough! We haven't spoken in almost a week and it has been heaven.

 

[EleGirl]

Well they already hate/dislike you. So why would you care if they end up hating you for telling them the truth... the rest of the story?

I would be tempted to tell because to its' about honestly. They can hate me all they want. But I'd make sure they at least know that their 'little 40 some year old darling" is a drug abuser and a liar.

The issue of his sexuality should only come up in response to things he has told them in his attacks on you.

In our society it's ok to be gay. It's not ok to marry a streight woman to use as a cover for being gay or to get strange men on craigslist for sex and thus expose his wife to STDs. That is all called infidelity.. not OK either. That is the context from which I would tell them if you do.

If he is using drugs heavily his family should know so that someone who cares about him might be able to help him.

But me.. yea I'd tell. But that's me.

I'm a pretty easy going person. But DO NOT mess with me ... do not spread lies about me.