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Keep the momentos?

  • BURN IT!

    Votes: 10 37.0%
  • I'll let them keep it as long as they don't look at it and over it.

    Votes: 3 11.1%
  • I'll let them keep it, it's part of their life, I respect that.

    Votes: 6 22.2%
  • Meh, I keep my momentos too!

    Votes: 8 29.6%
  • Other...

    Votes: 0 0.0%
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Hahaha nah I'm not that stupid :LOL: !
True, I guess it's still fresh but fk... she glued each letter one at a time...

Admittedly I'm likely going to compare. Like how not?
The comparisons happen at the beginning when you first meet someone new. They should stop eventually.
Damn man... for me it's like I'm grieving too for the death of a loved one, as the person she is now isn't her.

With dates did they say anything about it? Did you show them or tell them?
Man, you don't SHOW this stuff to new women. You don't tell them about it. We are all allowed to have some small measure of privacy. If you one day get with someone new and you move in together, she might ask about the box one day. Just say it is a box of old memories and leave it at that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #22 ·
The comparisons happen at the beginning when you first meet someone new. They should stop eventually.
True, I'll probably learn to appreciate the stuff they have that my ex doesn't have.

Man, you don't SHOW this stuff to new women. You don't tell them about it. We are all allowed to have some small measure of privacy. If you one day get with someone new and you move in together, she might ask about the box one day. Just say it is a box of old memories and leave it at that.
True until they start digging :LOL:
 

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True, I'll probably learn to appreciate the stuff they have that my ex doesn't have.

True until they start digging :LOL:
If you find yourself comparing your new girl to your ex and she doesn't measure up then you should walk away. Trade up.

If she starts digging through your stuff then you have another problem and that is your new lady doesn't respect your privacy. That stuff is really none of her business.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
If you find yourself comparing your new girl to your ex and she doesn't measure up then you should walk away. Trade up.
If she starts digging through your stuff then you have another problem and that is your new lady doesn't respect your privacy. That stuff is really none of her business.
True (y)

Ah fk it, boxing it with the rest of my crap.
 

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OP i did the same thing except the photos were stored on my amazon photos account. Well, we got a fire stick for our TV, and the screensaver syncs to your amazon photos and goes through a slideshow. One day the wife and I were looking at pictures on the slideshow and lo and behold soem of me and my ex started popping up. My daughter was like "who is that daddy?" lmao. Luckily that relationship was way before the wife but so we got a good laugh out of it
 

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Discussion Starter · #26 ·
OP i did the same thing except the photos were stored on my amazon photos account. Well, we got a fire stick for our TV, and the screensaver syncs to your amazon photos and goes through a slideshow. One day the wife and I were looking at pictures on the slideshow and lo and behold soem of me and my ex started popping up. My daughter was like "who is that daddy?" lmao. Luckily that relationship was way before the wife but so we got a good laugh out of it
LOL!

Well glad that wasn't too awkward. Yeah, maybe that's it, just a good memory, part of our lives as we move on.
 

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i suppose it depends on how poorly the breakup went, and how personal the momentos are.

If it was like the War of the Roses, just throw them all away.
if it was somewhat amicable...why not just put them all in a box and mail them to the ex? that way they are no longer on your mind, and if someday you DO want to reconcile, you have not burned your bridges behind you.
 

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It depends.

I remember packing a box of all the stuff an ex gave me and giving it back to him. I also got rid of all the love letters he gave me. This guy dumped me and broke my heart.

Getting rid of his stuff helped me move on.

You can pack everything in those big Rubbermaid storage boxes and put them away. Later you can decide what to do with those boxes.
 

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I have saved one thing in 45 years, other than some pictures that just kind of chronical my life.

When in highschool the girls had to take a semester of wood working shop and my girlfriend made me this little love box. Turned out very nice and she even did some carving on it. She put some little trinkets in it and coupons for some "favors". These days that box has some silver coins in it, a two dollar bill that was in my brothers pocket when he died, an old watch that was my dad's, couple of other family keep sakes. It's one of those things I just have never considered throwing out.

When my marriage broke up and my ex moved out I went on a massive purge. Part of it was finally being able to clean and organize the house but I think I was also trying to erase her scent. lol
 

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I have a box full of random mementos, including some old letters from exes, some from friends, cards from family members, etc. I don't consider that a big deal because it's a bunch of random memories of different people with exes mixed in. But I think having one box devoted just to keepsakes from one particular ex is a little different.
 

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Not sure there's a right answer to this, as everyone is different. I can only say what we do in our relationship, and neither of us have any mementos from ex's. I do still have old letters from my school best friend, and certificates/assignments etc. But got rid of everything from my ex's. Not straight away, but once my husband and I became serious and decided to live together, it just didn't seem appropriate somehow to bring those things with me so I ditched them. I came across some small trinkets of his from his high school ex while clearing out a closet to make room, and asked him what he wanted to do with them and he didn't hesitate to say to toss them (good answer husband 😂 )

These were ex's though, we broke up. In the case of someone who's spouse has died, that's a different ballgame altogether. They didn't choose to leave them, they died, and the reality is that had they not died, they wouldn't be with their current partner. One of many reasons I wouldn't get involved with a widower, I just couldn't handle it, takes a very special person to do that I think.
 

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Discussion Starter · #32 ·
Not sure there's a right answer to this, as everyone is different. I can only say what we do in our relationship, and neither of us have any mementos from ex's. I do still have old letters from my school best friend, and certificates/assignments etc. But got rid of everything from my ex's. Not straight away, but once my husband and I became serious and decided to live together, it just didn't seem appropriate somehow to bring those things with me so I ditched them. I came across some small trinkets of his from his high school ex while clearing out a closet to make room, and asked him what he wanted to do with them and he didn't hesitate to say to toss them (good answer husband 😂 )
LOL! :LOL:

These were ex's though, we broke up. In the case of someone who's spouse has died, that's a different ballgame altogether. They didn't choose to leave them, they died, and the reality is that had they not died, they wouldn't be with their current partner. One of many reasons I wouldn't get involved with a widower, I just couldn't handle it, takes a very special person to do that I think.
I guess for me it's weighing on my mind because I did truly love for the first time. And the effort she made, little pegs, little photos, letters pieced together one at a time, little strings with messages in bottles attached, sweet soft words handwritten. A love book detailing everything she loved about me, I mean, I never got such before. It was raw and real just not meant to last.
 

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I've kept some things I really should have deleted long ago. They're mostly screenshots from text/emails or whatnot from happier times when I had thought I'd found my special someone. And these were recent. But you seem as if you're doing much better than you were, RD.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
I've kept some things I really should have deleted long ago. They're mostly screenshots from text/emails or whatnot from happier times when I had thought I'd found my special someone. And these were recent. But you seem as if you're doing much better than you were, RD.
Yeah, day 9 right now. I'll get there :)
 

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I have a box that has stuff like the letters that we sent back and forth when I was in boot camp and other similar stuff. My current girlfriend is well aware of my exwife and our coparenting relationship. She is in no way threatened therefrom. She's still kind of bitter about her ex husband (cheated on her and was acrimonious during the divorce) and there's still stuff associated to him in her house (she kept the marital home) but she's basically just not dealt with the volume of crap yet rather than saving for sentimental reasons. She kind of kept the step daughter (has a better relationship with her than her ex husband from what I've gathered). I support that.
 

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I don't see any harm in holding on to momentos. Some people are very sentimental. I'm guilty of this. I have things from my very first ballet slippers to movie ticket stubs and everything in between - including old love letters. The last time I went through my box was with my youngest daughter, she wanted to see my HS year book. We ended up going through everything and had a lot of fun doing it.
 

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Curious, if you found a box with your partner's ex's photos and momentos, including for example; love notes, a love book, love boxes, photos, messages in bottles, souvenirs, stuffed toys, how would you react?

Do you think it's ok to be fond of such memories even if the love is gone? Or should it burn?
I think it's fine to value your past life. To me, it means at least that everything you lived you don't regret and wasn't a total lost cause. Anyone burned my momentos, the whole house would be up in smoke, and so would their backside.
 

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Discussion Starter · #38 ·
Curious question, because up until the day of the breakup of my relationship, she was in tears non-stop, wanted hugs, pinned herself against me. She kept delaying what she wanted so I just helped her carry her stuff out the door and drove her home. She took her time leaving the car and was in tears. I offered her solutions but she would have none of it so ok.

After she left though, and I swung around, realising what I had actually lost, she had already changed. The tears were gone, face was different, hands, voice and tone cold as ice. Even a smile and smirk. That's when I realised she was gone. But looking back it sure makes me wonder though...

Has anyone else encountered this switch? When someone can do that, does this mean everything was fake, the entire relationship? I'm questioning everything now, how real was everything really? In fact, I may dig up everything just to chuck it if that's the case and don't want to remember how I was blindsided.
 

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Curious question, because up until the day of the breakup of my relationship, she was in tears non-stop, wanted hugs, pinned herself against me. She kept delaying what she wanted so I just helped her carry her stuff out the door and drove her home. She took her time leaving the car and was in tears. I offered her solutions but she would have none of it so ok.

After she left though, and I swung around, realising what I had actually lost, she had already changed. The tears were gone, face was different, hands, voice and tone cold as ice. Even a smile and smirk. That's when I realised she was gone. But looking back it sure makes me wonder though...

Has anyone else encountered this switch? When someone can do that, does this mean everything was fake, the entire relationship? I'm questioning everything now, how real was everything really? In fact, I may dig up everything just to chuck it if that's the case and don't want to remember how I was blindsided.
If it makes you feel any better, I think there are probably as many or more fake relationships than real ones these days. As you say, if someone's confessed feelings are actually true, then how do they just turn them off the way they do? I've seen people do some really, really crappy things to the people they swore they loved just a few short weeks or even days ago.

Keep in mind I am a cynical guy but my theory is that most people aren't really in love, they just get their needs met from someone else. In many cases, once they feel they can get their needs better met elsewhere, or if you slack off for any length of time, all that love talk goes away and your partner will bail.
 

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Discussion Starter · #40 ·
If it makes you feel any better, I think there are probably as many or more fake relationships than real ones these days. As you say, if someone's confessed feelings are actually true, then how do they just turn them off the way they do? I've seen people do some really, really crappy things to the people they swore they loved just a few short weeks or even days ago.

Keep in mind I am a cynical guy but my theory is that most people aren't really in love, they just get their needs met from someone else. In many cases, once they feel they can get their needs better met elsewhere, or if you slack off for any length of time, all that love talk goes away and your partner will bail.
My ex isn't super vicious, but yeah I do question how one minute she was all pinning herself against me and the next minute who is that in my car?

Been reading this thread again and again and again: His needs, her needs, not good enough...
I just can't stop reading it, we should have ended there and then. That was 2 years ago.

I don't know anymore really, it's like I've been living in a fantasy world for 4 years. Is this the reality of love and promises?
If so, I'm not even so sure if I really want to be vulnerable again anymore, it was great sure, but it's like I'm coming out of a high from a drug that just isn't reality.

I was FAR more in control in relationships where I was not in love with them.
 
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