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Keep the momentos?

  • BURN IT!

    Votes: 10 37.0%
  • I'll let them keep it as long as they don't look at it and over it.

    Votes: 3 11.1%
  • I'll let them keep it, it's part of their life, I respect that.

    Votes: 6 22.2%
  • Meh, I keep my momentos too!

    Votes: 8 29.6%
  • Other...

    Votes: 0 0.0%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Curious, if you found a box with your partner's ex's photos and momentos, including for example; love notes, a love book, love boxes, photos, messages in bottles, souvenirs, stuffed toys, how would you react?

Do you think it's ok to be fond of such memories even if the love is gone? Or should it burn?
 

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I have a box of mementos that I started keeping when I was in the 7th grade, and kept adding to it until I was a senior in high school. I’m 57 now, so I started it about 45 years ago. It does have notes, cards, candles and other little mementos from old boyfriends, but it also has notes, cards, and little gifts that I received from my best friend, who is still my best friend to this day. It has some of the school papers that I wrote and kept, because I got really good grades on them, and the awards, trophies, and certificates that I earned for various accomplishments. And, finally, it has my diary that I wrote in from about the 4th grade, until my senior year of high school.

So, even though it has some mementos from old boyfriends, it isn’t about them as much as it’s about me. It’s a box filled with all kinds of memories from my life. It has all of the cards, letters, movie ticket stubs, concert ticket stubs, etc., from my husband, as well, who I started dating the summer before my senior year of high school began.

I might go through the box about once every five to 10 years, if that often. It’s a cardboard box, with no lid on it, and it’s currently sitting on a shelf in the garage. It has never been hidden from my husband or the kids. If anyone ever wanted to go through it, it wasn’t hiding, or kept in secret.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I have a box of mementos that I started keeping when I was in the 7th grade, and kept adding to it until I was a senior in high school. I’m 57 now, so I started it about 45 years ago. It does have notes, cards, candles and other little mementos from old boyfriends, but it also has notes, cards, and little gifts that I received from my best friend, who is still my best friend to this day. It has some of the school papers that I wrote and kept, because I got really good grades on them, and the awards, trophies, and certificates that I earned for various accomplishments. And, finally, it has my diary that I wrote in from about the 4th grade, until my senior year of high school.

So, even though it has some mementos from old boyfriends, it isn’t about them as much as it’s about me. It’s a box filled with all kinds of memories from my life. It has all of the cards, letters, movie ticket stubs, concert ticket stubs, etc., from my husband, as well, who I started dating the summer before my senior year of high school began.

I might go through the box about once every five to 10 years, if that often. It’s a cardboard box, with no lid on it, and it’s currently sitting on a shelf in the garage. It has never been hidden from my husband or the kids. If anyone ever wanted to go through it, it wasn’t hiding, or kept in secret.
Hmmmm, maybe I should keep it in a box alongside the rest of my crap too. It'll look less special lol

Did you already get a new partner, or is this strictly hypothetical?
Strictly hypothetical in my case. Still in day 7, archiving FB messages, saving photos/videos, boxing momentos. I mean, it's quite a bit to box, got a copy of the very first love note I gave her. Plenty of her handwritten notes, some with stickers one letter at a time. She poured her love in these, so hard to just throw it away in fear of my future partner's reactions, but I have to move on.
 

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Not every breakup is horrible. You can walk away from someone because you no longer want to build a life together but that doesn't mean you didn't make some good memories together. I think there is nothing wrong with keeping a box of mementos. I have such a box myself. I think it becomes a problem if your new guy/girl is going through that old box of memories often because it could be a sign they are living in the past or not happy with you. If it's just a box that sits in a closet somewhere, no harm in it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Not every breakup is horrible. You can walk away from someone because you no longer want to build a life together but that doesn't mean you didn't make some good memories together. I think there is nothing wrong with keeping a box of mementos. I have such a box myself. I think it becomes a problem if your new guy/girl is going through that old box of memories often because it could be a sign they are living in the past or not happy with you. If it's just a box that sits in a closet somewhere, no harm in it.
It was four years of my life, with some of the most fondest memories of a love shared but was never meant to be forever. And hell 1/5 of her life :LOL: !

Just thinking because with her, it was so easy with other exs, I never loved them, I kept a few photos of fond times but everything else is like whatever. I think I still do have a few souvenirs but forgot where they are. Maybe lost now, meh. I dunno, this one quite a tad more important than the others.

I dunno, ex wasn't happy whenever she even saw the photos of my previous ex. Just imagining my next one seeing all the love notes and what not lol the FK am I gonna say?
Is "Look, she was an important part of my life, just as I'm sure others in your life were important in yours, you need to accept that she played a part in who I am today, and I have no shame when I say it's a good memory" enough?
 

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I dunno, ex wasn't happy whenever she even saw the photos of my previous ex. Just imagining my next one seeing all the love notes and what not lol the FK am I gonna say?
Is "Look, she was an important part of my life, just as I'm sure others in your life were important in yours, you need to accept that she played a part in who I am today, and I have no shame when I say it's a good memory" enough?
If you try hanging those pics around the house, you are gonna have a problem. If you put all that stuff in a box somewhere and leave it there, then you shouldn't have any issues. If you meet a new partner that has a problem with your box of stuff, then they are likely not very emotionally mature. As long as your past isn't out there looking them in the face every day, they should be able to let it go.

You are still fresh from a breakup man. One day, you won't care as much about all this stuff. I have a bix of stuff but I don't even know what is in there anymore. I don't think about the past so much because I think about the person I am with now. You'll get there.
 

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This may go against the norm here but if your relationship is over then it’s over. Memories are in your head and the sooner you get them out of your head the sooner you can move on.
My previous dating life amounted to a hell of a lot of exes.
Pictures or letters from exes. Zero.
I don’t live in the past and neither should anyone else if they really want to move on.
By the way I seen your breakup thread but I didn’t read it. If you’re still grieving then just ignore what I wrote.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
If you try hanging those pics around the house, you are gonna have a problem. If you put all that stuff in a box somewhere and leave it there, then you shouldn't have any issues. If you meet a new partner that has a problem with your box of stuff, then they are likely not very emotionally mature. As long as your past isn't out there looking them in the face every day, they should be able to let it go.

You are still fresh from a breakup man. One day, you won't care as much about all this stuff. I have a bix of stuff but I don't even know what is in there anymore. I don't think about the past so much because I think about the person I am with now. You'll get there.
Hahaha nah I'm not that stupid :LOL: !
True, I guess it's still fresh but fk... she glued each letter one at a time...

Admittedly I'm likely going to compare. Like how not?

This may go against the norm here but if your relationship is over then it’s over. Memories are in your head and the sooner you get them out of your head the sooner you can move on.
My previous dating life amounted to a hell of a lot of exes.
Pictures or letters from exes. Zero.
I don’t live in the past and neither should anyone else if they really want to move on.
By the way I seen your breakup thread but I didn’t read it. If you’re still grieving then just ignore what I wrote.
Still grieving mate, not for the person screw that but the memories. It's like having H in my system 4 years straight with no side effects.
 

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If my partner had to keep a whole large box(es) of love letters, souvenirs, a "love book" and "love boxes" -- whatever those are, stuffed animals, messages in bottles, etc. from an ex, and was still keeping them in the event OUR relationship was very serious, I'd be perturbed. The sheer volume. And he's gotta keep stuffed animals?

At a certain point I think that stuff should be let go.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
If my partner had to keep a whole large box(es) of love letters, souvenirs, a "love book" and "love boxes" -- whatever those are, stuffed animals, messages in bottles, etc. from an ex, and was still keeping them in the event OUR relationship was very serious, I'd be perturbed. The sheer volume. And he's gotta keep stuffed animals?

At a certain point I think that stuff should be let go.
Yeah, this is exactly what I'm afraid of.

How about a box with the rest of my junk to make it less special?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
That would be much better.
What if one day you look through it and with handwritten notes says sh-t like

"can't wait to continue growing together through good and bad until we're old old"
"I hope you feel special on your birthday because you do mean everything to me"
"and I wouldn't trade any moment we had for anything else"
"I know you hate this day alot because it officialy means you're 1 year older so 34!"
"8 years until 40!"
"^ why does look like 8 but you're still a smexy young man to me"
"I promise to always love you with everything that I have"

Etc etc
 

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When my wife of 11 years died; due to medical negligence; in 2002. She had so much stuff that was very important to her. Clothes Christmas decorations, collectibles, photos. There was no way to keep it all. I cherry picked a few to keep; the rest I took pictures of to remember & then got rid of. It was at times soul crushing doing this & I may have been too eager in my pain to push through it. I have small mementos of some of the gals I dated after she died as well, a bracelet, blanket, coffee cup & tea pot. I keep these as though these relashinpes failed because I did my best. In the end we all must make these choices . here is a pict from my late wife’s collection I photo’ed and dumped
78287
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
When my wife of 11 years died; due to medical negligence; in 2002. She had so much stuff that was very important to her. Clothes Christmas decorations, collectibles, photos. There was no way to keep it all. I cherry picked a few to keep; the rest I took pictures of to remember & then got rid of. It was at times soul crushing doing this & I may have been too eager in my pain to push through it. I have small mementos of some of the gals I dated after she died as well, a bracelet, blanket, coffee cup & tea pot. I keep these as though these relashinpes failed because I did my best. In the end we all must make these choices . here is a pict from my late wife’s collection I photo’ed and dumped View attachment 78287
Damn man... for me it's like I'm grieving too for the death of a loved one, as the person she is now isn't her.

With dates did they say anything about it? Did you show them or tell them?
 

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What if one day you look through it and with handwritten notes says sh-t like

"can't wait to continue growing together through good and bad until we're old old"
"I hope you feel special on your birthday because you do mean everything to me"
"and I wouldn't trade any moment we had for anything else"
"I know you hate this day alot because it officialy means you're 1 year older so 34!"
"8 years until 40!"
"^ why does look like 8 but you're still a smexy young man to me"
"I promise to always love you with everything that I have"

Etc etc
Which of you couldn’t count?
 
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