I will repost what Bandit posted at the end of that other thread.
You shouldn't care ONE BIT what she is going through right now.
mom losing custody
I have a large discussion in the divorce section you can read but my wife really screwed up and lost custody to me of her three beautifull children, feel free to read it it was a long struggle, i was wondering what its like for a mom to lose custody of the little children she loves, what is my ex going thu because she acts like she is fine but I know it is not true anyone else had this situation???
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If I were you I'd be more worried about what your children are going through with the loss of their mother.
My husband won 100% custory of his children.
The children suffered horribly for the loss of their mother. I spent night after night holding my 10 year old step-daughter in bed while she cried her eyes out. Later I sat suicide watch over her. Couple that with cutting.
Then in high school we lost her to drugs and a bad crowd. For about 2 years we thought we got her back. But in the last few months we found out that she was hiding a lot from us and lying. She's only 23.
She's now lockup and is facing 22 years in prison.
I'll spare you the horrible high lights of my step son's suffering and acting out. Writing about both of them is more than I can handle today.
You see the thing is that children love and need both of their parents. No matter how bad a spouse the other parent might have been.. they are still in the child's heart.
You might have won the battle. Now make sure you do not lose the war.
My husband won 100% custory of his children.
The children suffered horribly for the loss of their mother. I spent night after night holding my 10 year old step-daughter in bed while she cried her eyes out. Later I sat suicide watch over her. Couple that with cutting.
Then in high school we lost her to drugs and a bad crowd. For about 2 years we thought we got her back. But in the last few months we found out that she was hiding a lot from us and lying. She's only 23.
She's now lockup and is facing 22 years in prison.
I'll spare you the horrible high lights of my step son's suffering and acting out. Writing about both of them is more than I can handle today.
You see the thing is that children love and need both of their parents. No matter how bad a spouse the other parent might have been.. they are still in the child's heart.
You might have won the battle. Now make sure you do not lose the war.
EleGirl was about to post something similar. There is just something so deeply scarring about kids losing their mother.
Yes there his. I just read on his other thread that their mother tried to commit suicide. She's obviously in pain.EleGirl was about to post something similar. There is just something so deeply scarring about kids losing their mother.
My sympathy goes to the children.
Well I can tell you that i am raising these children with confidence so far. They barely ever mention there mother and that scares me too. Their mother is trying to undermine me by telling children things they shouldn't hear and making promises but I cut all contact and referred her to my attorney. Unfortunately she made a bed of nails that she has to lay on now, her own doing to her children
My daughter will always have both her parents no matter what happens between my STBX and I, thanks to my STBX being very cooperative with that. Besides we have both broke our promises to her already, we have to regain her trust in us.
Personally I feel it's really fked up when children are pulled into spouse warfare when they can avoid it
When my parents divorced at 7 I was used as a weapon against each other and when I was abandoned at 12, it only elevated the hate against both of them which drove me to psychopathy. I'm glad my STBX has decided against that route.Their mother is trying to undermine me by telling children things they shouldn't hear and making promises but I cut all contact and referred her to my attorney. Unfortunately she made a bed of nails that she has to lay on now, her own doing to her children
Personally I feel it's really fked up when children are pulled into spouse warfare when they can avoid it
Does your ex use drugs? Is she a prostitute? What does she do that is so damaging to your children that she must be cut out of their life?Well I can tell you that i am raising these children with confidence so far. They barely ever mention there mother and that scares me too. Their mother is trying to undermine me by telling children things they shouldn't hear and making promises but I cut all contact and referred her to my attorney. Unfortunately she made a bed of nails that she has to lay on now, her own doing to her children
I'm assuming by his post; poisoning. That is very damaging and I know that from experience.
bcc...
I would suggest you reach out to a family counselor. Just go by yourself and explain what the kids are dealing with and ask for some parenting advice. They can give you great ideas for books to read and discuss, conversation starters, age appropriate ways to explain things... a good counselor can be a lifeline.
I left an abusive ex when my daughter was 4 and she never saw hitting - just heard yelling and breaking stuff... she was dealing with dad telling her lies like I cheated or never talked to him about what bothered me... My counselor helped me figure out what was OK to discuss with her, how to do it, movies we could watch and discuss that had parallel themes to our life and what kind of open-ended questions were good to ask.
Also things to do with her while talking - boys like to do something physical like throw a ball while talking about stuff. Girls tend to like to do things like play with dolls or do crafts while talking. Puzzles are good for both genders, all ages... Makes it easier for them to open up.
My relationship with my counselor was helpful as she got older and I had to deal with pre-teen stuff, too. Sometimes I'd see her every month. Sometimes once a year for something. But it can be an excellent resource when you need a little objective, professional guidance.
Start now - don't wait for the kids to start showing signs of distress. It's nearly too late by then as Elegirl has attested.
I would suggest you reach out to a family counselor. Just go by yourself and explain what the kids are dealing with and ask for some parenting advice. They can give you great ideas for books to read and discuss, conversation starters, age appropriate ways to explain things... a good counselor can be a lifeline.
I left an abusive ex when my daughter was 4 and she never saw hitting - just heard yelling and breaking stuff... she was dealing with dad telling her lies like I cheated or never talked to him about what bothered me... My counselor helped me figure out what was OK to discuss with her, how to do it, movies we could watch and discuss that had parallel themes to our life and what kind of open-ended questions were good to ask.
Also things to do with her while talking - boys like to do something physical like throw a ball while talking about stuff. Girls tend to like to do things like play with dolls or do crafts while talking. Puzzles are good for both genders, all ages... Makes it easier for them to open up.
My relationship with my counselor was helpful as she got older and I had to deal with pre-teen stuff, too. Sometimes I'd see her every month. Sometimes once a year for something. But it can be an excellent resource when you need a little objective, professional guidance.
Start now - don't wait for the kids to start showing signs of distress. It's nearly too late by then as Elegirl has attested.
Bringing a convicted felon into the home and said felon harming one of the children, then swallowing a bottle of pills qualifies in my book for wanting to limit interaction with such a person. She is a danger to them, and herself, at least for the foreseeable future.Does your ex use drugs? Is she a prostitute? What does she do that is so damaging to your children that she must be cut out of their life?
The kids are better off with your stability, than to be with their mother, at least for now. And who knows what she's thinking? She's crazy.
I agree.Bringing a convicted felon into the home and said felon harming one of the children, then swallowing a bottle of pills qualifies in my book for wanting to limit interaction with such a person. She is a danger to them, and herself, at least for the foreseeable future.
I was not aware, that's why I asked about what had gone on. Do not recall reading that about the pills and harming one of the children. Being a felon is bad enough.
But it's still true that regardless the children are going to suffer for a long time. I hope that their mother gets her head screwed on streight sooner than later.
Whole thing is tragic. Nobody wins.But it's still true that regardless the children are going to suffer for a long time. I hope that their mother gets her head screwed on streight sooner than later.
I agree. He has a lot of work to do now to help his children through this.Whole thing is tragic. Nobody wins.
My wife is a recovering drug addict and I still trust her with the kids so far. However, I do keep them most of the time. She sees them every other weekend and on wed 3-7. They love their mother so much and cannot see the mistakes she has made. They are also too young to learn about them. Worked so far except for emotional kid switches.
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