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Mixed Messages

1194 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  almostsingle30, 
A
Hi...My husband told me he is unhappy and not IN love with me..This was about a month ago. We started MC and it was going ok, until the 3rd session when I melted down emotionally. After he saw so hurt I was he realized how genuine I was about saving our marriage...

Well, he started being nicer and really trying, but he is SO up and down. He told me he loved me about 2 weeks ago, but nothing since. He will talk about our future, ect, but then say other things that really hurt me. He is SO up and down. He also said that if he is "messing" with me that things are good with him, that when he stops "messing" with me I should no things are not good...I have thick skin, but when we aren't in a good place it really affects me when he says mean things...Examples are..

He will say to me.. "You don't love me"
I will tell him to be nice to me, and he will say "that ship has sailed"
I told him I was buying sexy bra's for him and said "I'm Good"

It is almost like he wants me to prove to him I love, but he is the one who started this whole mess..It is alot of mind games, but it is making me so sad and not wanting to even try sometimes..Very confusing..BLA

Also, his work has been VERY stressful the past few weeks, so that does not help and I think he takes some of his frustration out on me...BLA
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Working on a marriage is hard, and you should expect a roller coaster.

Ask yourself, "do I feel more positive about my marriage than I did a month ago (or 3 months ago, or year ago)." If, on average, you think that your husband is communicating better and that you are making progress, then keep going. If not, it might be time to try something else -- I don't mean filing for divorce or separating, just a different strategy.


Also, read up on the 180.
It sounds like you are doing things (like buying a sexy bra) for your H, rather than doing things for YOU.
Don't tell your H to be nice to you. Instead, when he is rude or messing with you, say "I'm not okay with <insert specific action>" and walk away.
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You are right, I need to stop doing things for him and do what makes me happy!
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