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Okay so my husband had an affair last year. We were able to reconnect and have since become stronger as a couple and know what we need to pay more attention to/work on. Well, the affair ended with her being pregnant and I have decided to still stay by his side and be with him through this. My question now is this: A little over a year ago she lost custody of her two children, now ages 6 and 3 because she was caught cooking meth with them in the house. She also has been going to court for a DUI and is on corrections. She is currently 19 weeks pregnant. My husband has tried several times to get along with her for the sake of the baby but they cannot get along. She lives in a little duplex, sleeps on the couch because she does not have a bed, she does not own a car, or a stove for that matter. She is a waitress who barely makes any money and what she does make the state takes a big chunk for child support on her other kids. So we are wondering, since she does not have custody of her other kids, is there a way that they will grant my husband full custody when the baby is born?? He does not want to take the baby completly away from her but he wants the baby to live here with us and to ensure that the right decisions are being made because he doesnt feel she is situated enough to care for the child. Does anyone know anything about this??
 

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Are you guys in the US? If so what state? You might want to try googling custody laws for whatever state you live in and read up on it.

I think it depends on if his name is on the birth certificate after the baby is born. If it's born while she's incarcerated they're obviously not going to let the baby stay in prison/jail. They'll most likely look to relatives and if that doesn't pan out then the baby will be a ward of the state I believe. Does she have any siblings/parents who might try to get custody?

If your husband can prove paternity if the baby is born while she's in custody that might help. But I'm not a legal expert.
 

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It's a matter of lawyers/ Child services. Talk to them, explore the potential scenarios.
There are legal websites, maybe you can get an idea before actually lawyering up.
 

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Usually very little. She could abort the child and there is nothing you can do about it. Regardless of state law, your first hurtle would be proving the child is his. what highens that hurtle, is that they are not married. So, you must enter into an expensive legal process to establish your husband's paternity. Even if it looks like you're going to be successful, it is easy enough for her to pick up and move to another state, thus wearing you out with legal bills.
 

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Jeffrey Leving out of Chicago is a great attorney if you have the means. I believe his website is dadsrights.com . Well published attorney! He, as stated earlier, is Chicago-based but isnt necessarilly bound to IL. This guy got Ilian Gonzalez's father reunited with his son who was kidnapped from Cuba and brought to Miami (story sound familiar). Great resources on his site and maybe you could contact his firm for a referral to a good Kansas father's rights attorney?
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Get a lawyer. You may be able to get a court order allowing you to seize the child when it is born. However you may have to intervene sooner if she's also a methhead.
 

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i don't know what kind of laws you'll be facing, but being caught cooking meth does not bode well for her. especially if her other kids were taken away for this very thing.

i'm sure you're husband can petition the court for full custody. if he can prove the child will be provided with a safe and stable environment, instead of the alternative, i don't see why the courts would deny him that.

no matter what the outcome is regarding custody, this toxic woman will forever be in your lives. that's the real kicker here.


good luck.
 

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If she's a meth head there is probably a good chance that your husband is not the only contender for bio-dad here.

See an attorney now so that your husband is ready to take the moves that are needed when they are needed.

As an unmarried mother, she will have sole custody when the baby is born.

Your husband will need to establish his paternity. If she will allow it, maybe he can get his name on the birth certificate. Otherwise he will have to go through the process in your state to establish his paternity. Once his paternity is established he has as much right to custody as she does. Although babies tend to be given to their mother due to bonding, nursing etc. Then the relationship with the father is phased in.

There is a paternity test that can be done using the mother’s blood. You might want to look that up. If the OW will agree to do this during her pregnancy you would know for sure that he’s the bio dad and plan for it. If you want to save the baby no matter if he’s the bio-dad, he could just claim he is and maybe it will just be assumed as she might go along with that.

You might want to find out as much as you can about the case with her children. You will need that.

Also she might do meth during the pregnancy. Find out what that will do to the baby . The thought is very scary.
 

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Here are some helpful links for you:

Father's Rights to Child Custody in Kansas

The Rights of Unmarried Fathers

Kansas Statutes: Ch 38 Article 11: Determination Of Parentage

Kansas Paternity Forms, Documents and Law

In a summary, read! The more you are informed, the wiser decision you can make about your situation. NO ONE knows all the ins and outs of your situation like you and your husband, so no one can advocate for you like you can...even a lawyer. The more informed you are, the more you can help your lawyer do a good job representing you by giving them the information they need to do a good job!!

My layman's advice would be to start an "establishment of paternity" case in court, and have the court order her to do a DNA test to see if he's the father. If he is not, you're off the hook and outta there. If he is, then he has some reasonable evidence to put his name on the birth certificate and to get custody before or shortly after the birth of the baby. But NONE of that can be done if he does not establish that he is the father.
 

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Your husband had unprotected sex with a woman who has a drug problem. I hope you went and got tested for stds and hiv.
 

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If she's a meth head there is probably a good chance that your husband is not the only contender for bio-dad here.
Yea. This.

Was he doing meth too? This baby could have all sorts of issues. :(

Check with a lawyer about rights, but usually when not married, etc, it's all in the hands of the mother....meth-head or not.
 

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At this stage I think it might be more useful to the baby to try to get urgent help for its mother, rather than worrying about custody... Unless the mother can be got safely off drugs, I would be more concerned right now about the damage being done to the unborn child.

Custody etc can be revisited once the child has actually managed to make it into this world.
 
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