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I have been so-called married for four years to an undocumented Mexican man who's 19 years my senior. I'm 32 and he's 51. I'm also African-American. We have a two-year-old son together. Before we married, he came over every day without relent. We would go to restaurants every night. After a little bit, I could see what it was doing to my waistline and also, how I wasn't able spend time with my family nor be myself. I told him that we shouldn't see each other everyday. At first, it seemed easy to handle that situation. But, he only stayed away for 2 days. After that, it was back to the same old thing. But it (sadly) didn't change how I felt about him, though. He made himself seem like the one because of how he dressed, how sought to behave. He opened car doors/doors for me. Told me that he was wanting to be a pastor and that he had studied at Moody Bible Institute.

What should have been HUGE red flags were his lies! When I asked him his age he told me he was 33 (By the way, this was in 2007 and I was 26 almost 27). I asked him if he had ever been married and he said, "no.'' I asked him if has children and he told me, "no." After we got married in 2008, I ended up looking through some of his things and found birth certificates of 4 children and one grandchild. The older children are close to my age. When I confronted him about it the first time, he told me that they were certificates he bought to file claiming more dependents. I also asked him was he really married and if so, was there any divorce. He made me feel like I was intruding into his privacy. The second time I confronted him was last year when I found the package of certificates in a closet but kinda out in the open. It stayed there for a while and I thought that he could've seen it. I told my mom about it that time and she confronted him about it and I took the baby and was staying at her place.

That was just the background story. When we were so-called dating, he seemed to be tender and caring, but now he's the opposite. Has even called me names at times and had threatened divorce if things didn't go HIS way. I had thought that we have some things in common; we don't. I like talking about ideas, politics, the Bible/spiritual things, as well as trivial stuff every once-in-a-while. He likes talking about his work (mechanics) and people. He's also prejudiced especially against black men. He likes flirting with the hispanic ladies. When he has invited people to church, they have mostly been women. Men were only included if they were married or in a committed relationship. There was one lady that he had invited to church as well, where I wondered if he was having an affair. But what I really need to know is, if he is married in Mexico. I tried finding out online but to no avail. I had put my academic career on hold for him. Now I have a reason to wait a little while because I'm raising my son. I want OUT!!!!!
 

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I think you need to start saving money, and get a divorce started. There is no reason to stay in this kind of relationship. If he is not in an affair, he is wanting to be.
 
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