More likely she was subdued because your temporary replacement was not willing to make it permanent. Separations are for the wife to explore her new relationship and reach a decision as to whether you or the new guy is going to win the prize (her). Time to investigate. Check the cell phone records.She just called and seemed kind of bumbled after I talked to my kids. I read the 180 marriage advice and followed suit. I was nice and wished her well but was not groveling at the thought of life without her. It was hard to do, but I think she felt a change in me. Or maybe she got the first card. Dunno.
I agree. There's a fox in your henhouse.More likely she was subdued because your temporary replacement was not willing to make it permanent. Separations are for the wife to explore her new relationship and reach a decision as to whether you or the new guy is going to win the prize (her). Time to investigate. Check the cell phone records.
I am a military wife and I was wondering is this your first deployment? She may be scared of how this deployment has changed you. I think what you should do is while respecting her wishes at the same time, but still do things to woo her. Suggest starting over by still being married but starting at the dating stage. Giver her time to where you guys can reconnect and get to know each other again. Go on dates, do things on them dates that had her fall in love you the first time and remind her why you guys got married to begin with. Deployments can change both sides of marriage and sometimes it needs reconnection in a slow manner. Don't bomb bard her with your emotions but at the same time tell her enough to let her know she is still the one for you.My wife of 6 years + 2 baby girls has just told me she want a separation. I already have been gone for seven months handling our country's dirty work, but now I'm facing coming home to an empty home. I admit that I was not the most romantic guy for a portion of our marriage, but I made some changes, and she became more receptive to my new approach to making her feel like I truly desired. Well, she even told me she improved. But, this week in the snap of a finger, I was placed in an awful position. She calls and lets me talk to the girls,but our convo is short and cold. I really want to do whatever it takes to save my marriage, but I've been shut out. She tells me she needs time and space which she has had for some time now. So, what should I do? Give her what she asks, or try to sweep her off her feet via telling and showing her how much I need her? Thank you for any and all imput.
No offense Nina, but I am going to go completely opposite of your advice.Iron i really don't think she probably have someone else, she is probably want you to pamper her more and let her know that you appreciate her taking care of home while you are gone. She is stress i can relate because i am a military wife and i am currently looking into a separation from my husband. Regular people can not relate to this unless they are military spouses, we are lonely and we want you guys to love us unconditional and our expectations are so high when you come back home and if you do not meet them this brings depression all kinds of stuff. Be patient with her at least she probably want you to fight to keep your marriage to see if that is what you want. Give her time.
I'm curious what your response would be though Dawn if you had never been AD yourself. You have the benefit of knowing what it's like on his end. We haven't had our deployment yet but he has gone on State Active Duty last year for flooding and now for Sandy. It's not a deployment but I get lonely even after a month, I can see myself feeling somewhat how nina describes.I can understand needing to feel appreciated, but that is a two way street.I do have an advantage of knowing what the other side is like, but I also ASK my husband. Do I know the food is terrible on his deployment? Not until he tells me. I don't need to be pampered but it is hard to understand what they go through being away from home if you haven't done it. I know whenever my SO calls me when he is gone I always her people laughing and joking in the background. He always talks about the people he is with and the things they did and what they talked about. Which when you look closely is a coping mechanism. They are trying to form a social bond in order to cope with the facts that the miss their families. Can you imagine not seeing your kids for a year? Doesn't it sound horrible? Can you imagine how it would FEEL if you came back and the family had moved on without you for a year and you don't even know what to do or where to start? Yet I'm sitting at home with the kids, no one to talk to and keeping on with daily life without him.Why is that? Why do you have no one to talk to? I get kind of envious that he is out of the house experiencing life other than the daily grind and it's all without me. And on that flip side he is jealous that you see and participate in your families life daily. You are sleeping in your house, in your bed, with your kids, a bathroom just for you and your family right down the hall. (probably LOL) It's just hard to see it from that side if you haven't walked in their shoes and that goes both ways.I agree. But you have to try. You have to talk and realize that you are NOT overseas, thousands of miles away from home, eating crap food with no other options to eat, sleeping in a tiny worn out bed in a tent with 10-20 other people in it on a good day, and wondering if your family even misses you.
