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I have met someone online, I play a bit of online games in my spare time and I met a girl whilst playing. I bit of background on me, I'm 26 and I have just come out of a long term relationship in the past couple of months. I have been enjoying my new single life. I started talking to a girl I met whilst gaming, basically some mild flirting like you always get with members of the opposite sex.

We were talking for a few months when she suggested we meet up, so I thought why not? I really liked talking to her, had a good laugh, but I wasn't attracted to her. We did however continue to meet up, about once every couple of weeks, we live a few hours train journey apart. We became very close, would talk every day and try and meet up whenever we could.

After one of these meetings when we had both returned to our respective cities, she sent me a text asking if we could be more than friends. Truth is I did have a bit of an emotional attachment to her by now, although she wasn't really my type physically, i agreed that we could see if we could have a relationship.

We started dating, and things actually went really well. Fast forward 4 months and we got pregnant, She was on the pill but I guess it's not 100% . To say this was a shock would be an understatement. At this point the relationship is quite new, we havnt spent a lot of time together really, she wants commitment now, and thinks we should get married before the baby is born. Its all gone so fast, what should I do? Do I have a choice? I have a responsibility to her now, but its a huge step.

Any advice would be great, thanks for reading
 

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If you are not ready to get married, then don't. You can be a good parent to your child without getting married. Getting married "for the baby's sake" isn't a good idea if you are not ready for marriage. Really, it's not a good idea to get married PERIOD if you are not ready for that step. Don't just jump into this without thinking it through. Sad to say, if you do, you could end up resenting each other...and be on here in a couple years because you feel like she trapped you (even if this is NOT the case, you could still feel it.). Think long and hard about whether marriage is what you want right now.
 

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It comes down to choices, so is she choosing to be pregnant because in this day an age it doesn't have to be, morning after pill, chemical abortion before so many weeks.

You chose to trust and not use protection have you thought about why?

If she isn't physically your type now god help you after babies maybe.

You can choose to not commit ;) i vote for this as you are way out of your depth and all to soon.

You have to really think about what you want.
 

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If you are not ready to get married, then don't. You can be a good parent to your child without getting married. Getting married "for the baby's sake" isn't a good idea if you are not ready for marriage. Really, it's not a good idea to get married PERIOD if you are not ready for that step. Don't just jump into this without thinking it through. Sad to say, if you do, you could end up resenting each other...and be on here in a couple years because you feel like she trapped you (even if this is NOT the case, you could still feel it.). Think long and hard about whether marriage is what you want right now.
Thanks for replying, I am doing a lot of thinking about this. Its scary for both of us, I can understand that she wants some commitment, she dosnt want to feel alone in this. She dosnt work, so she would move to be with me, she said a big wedding isn't important to her, just that we get married. It's a huge step, and my feelings are a bit all over the place right now.
 

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It comes down to choices, so is she choosing to be pregnant because in this day an age it doesn't have to be, morning after pill, chemical abortion before so many weeks.

You chose to trust and not use protection have you thought about why?

If she isn't physically your type now god help you after babies maybe.

You can choose to not commit ;) i vote for this as you are way out of your depth and all to soon.

You have to really think about what you want.

She's dead against abortion, and if I'm honest, so am I. So thats not an option. I don't know, the fought of having a baby is scary but also exciting, and I don't want to miss out on anything, being a weekend dad dosnt appeal to me. I won't see her again now for 2weeks as I'm busy at work, shes a nice girl, I don't want to mess her about.
 

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Thanks for replying, I am doing a lot of thinking about this. Its scary for both of us, I can understand that she wants some commitment, she dosnt want to feel alone in this. She dosnt work, so she would move to be with me, she said a big wedding isn't important to her, just that we get married. It's a huge step, and my feelings are a bit all over the place right now.
Well, if you if you WANT her to move in with you, then do it. But if you are all over the place about getting married right now, I don't think you are ready. But that's JMO. It doesn't mean you will NEVER be ready, nor does it mean you will never be ready to marry HER. If you aren't ready, then don't do it. And tell her honestly that you are not ready to get married.
 

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I see you are in a " catch 22". Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Whatever you do, do not get married to this girl at this point.
You have some feeling fro her , and obviously , she has a lot of feeling for you.
But marriage is an entire different matter.
Tell her that you will continue supporting her during the pregnancy,and stick to your word.
Tell her you stance on marriage and that you need time to sort it out.
If she's mature enough,
She will understand.
 

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What do you want to do? Do you love her? Want to spend the rest of your life with her? If either answer is no...don't get married cause she feels " its the right thing to do". The right thing is be the best father you can be and let the relationship develop. If in time the answer becomes yes to those questions then you get married.
I know you want to do the right thing but the right thing to do for you might be different then the right thing for her.
Why is she not working?
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Thanks for the advice, just to answer a few questions brought up, she dsont work at the minute because the shop she worked in closed, and unfortunately she lost her job.

I've always been a bit confused about what love actually is, I know that I care a lot about her and enjoy her company. I could imagine us living together.

Shes a very shy person, it took a lot out of her to ask me out, she hasn't had a boyfriend before, she is 28. Next time I visit her she wants me to meet her family, which is another big step, its a bit like "hi, you've never met me before but I'm the guy who got your daughter pregnant" I don't know what their reaction will be to that.
 

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Do NOT get married under these circumstances. Just don't do it. Tell her you will support her and the baby but that you're not ready to make a life long commitment after just a short time dating. I'm with CM if she's mature she will understand.
 

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Since she doesn't work, at 26 can you support a newborn, her and yourself? That's a lot to ask to do for something that before the pregnancy seemed casual at best.
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So much good advice here for you rainyday. Focus on being as supportive of her as you can during the pregnancy and allow the relationship to develop. Meet her family, be a good partner and help where you can. When the baby is born, focus on being the best daddy you can be. There is no rulebook on how to handle this situation. You know deep down that you don't want to get married right now. All of these folks have confirmed that and so am I. It would be a huge mistake and when you finally realize that you don't want to be married, it will be much harder to leave with a ring on your finger.

Take a deep breath. Do the right thing. Don't get married.

Keep asking for support here.
 

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Wow, your story sounds very similar to mine. I have to agree with mostly everyone else here that says that you shouldn't get married. Trust me man if you conscience is telling you to not get married or to wait, PLEASE LISTEN TO IT! I learned the hard way because I too had those same thoughts when I found out that my x who was my g/f at the time was pregnant and she begged and pleaded me to get married because she was so worried what her parents and family was going to think of her. After so much begging and pleading I finally gave in and I sold my soul to the devil at that point :( If I only had the ability to go back in time and tell myself back then to not do it but you have a golden opportunity now. Just wait and she should understand and if she doesn't that should be a red flag for you. You'll avoid a serious heartbreak which is what happened to me. Best of luck and make a decision that best fits you because you feel that way and not because she or anybody else is telling you to do something.
 

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You were too trusting that she was on birth control. Did you see her take the pill everyday? No. She was looking for a man to take care of her (no job) & have a baby with.

In walked you.

You are not physically attracted to her. You don't love her. A baby is not a good enough reason to get married.

My advice is not to let her move in with you. You have to help support the baby but not her.
 

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You were too trusting that she was on birth control. Did you see her take the pill everyday? No. She was looking for a man to take care of her (no job) & have a baby with.

In walked you.

You are not physically attracted to her. You don't love her. A baby is not a good enough reason to get married.

My advice is not to let her move in with you. You have to help support the baby but not her.
I didn't see her physically take the pills no, but I don't believe she would be so deceitful, I know enough about her personality that I really don't think she would do that. She seemed genuinely shocked as well at the time.

I do care about her very much, so I don't know what way to go on this, it would be smart to wait and see how I feel further down the line.
 

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It takes two to tango so I won't be in the camp of those saying she "tricked" you into getting pregnant, she wanted a "rescuer to move in with" and she "lied to you" about being on the pill.

Nope. The thing is: you made a choice to have sex with her and have a relationship for 4 months, too. She happened to fall pregnant. It happens. It sucks but it does happen. And that is correct: the pill is not 100% full-proof for preventing pregnancies. In fact, the only thing that is 100% full-proof (fool-proof, heh) is NOT having sex.

You played with fire and got burned.

But enough of my lecture (hee).

You aren't 100% sure on getting married to this chick. That is the bottom line. So I will tell you straight up: DO NOT GET MARRIED JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET MARRIED.

Marriage is a major life decision. Do not just do it because one party thinks it's the thing to do. No no no.

You were already wishy washy on even dating her. In the future, if you are wishy washy about someone, end it. Now 4 months later she wants to tie the knot cause you knocked her up? Nope.

Unless you are 100% sure/sold you want to marry, because it's what YOU want to do, do not do not do not get married.

I am saying this as someone who remembers distinctly sitting on the bed as my now exH said "We should just do it--get married" and thinking "Omg this is going so fast, let's wait a little;" as someone who had a knot in her throat while driving up to get married, my legs felt like jelly(beans), ha!; As someone who at the part where in the ceremony they say "If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace"--someone who at that moment, thought of something else............(you can even see me on the video footage looking upwards and stifling back a sniffle)...

One divorce later...

I am telling you: DON'T.

Your gut is there for a reason.



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Do NOT get married now.

The ONLY way I would advise for you to get married before this baby is born.. is if by some mircle in the next several months.. as her belly grows, and you can SEE that she is pregnant... And suddenly you have a feeling that you absolutely would not be able to live without her. Then, get married right before little one is born.

Otherwise... Don't do it now.

My brother in law & his wife have a very happy marriage. They had a daughter together before they were married. They knew they were not ready at that time. Several years later, they both decided it was meant to be. They were not going to split apart, ever. So they did get married. They had a son several years later.

Now, both children are grown.. & those two are still in love & still are married. Infact, just a couple weeks ago, I saw them walking into the grocery store together.. hand in hand! (Awwww so sweet). They have at least 25 years of happy marriage.

I truely believe it was because they both waited until they KNEW it was the right thing for both of them & they were both never gonna love someone else.
 
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