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My partner of six years has been dealing with a severe mental illness for the past year (depression) and I think un-diagonised bi-polar. Every few months or so he has a mini break-down which usually involves him bringing me down with him. Two nights ago, I got home from work and he told me that he was going to kill himself. I felt very concerned because the previous night we had spent it in a mental hospital trying to get him help for the same thoughts. He told me that he couldn't live with himself if I was gone and I told him I wasn't going anywhere and he just completely broke down. He told me that an hour or so ago, he had slept with someone. He was drinking at a bar and it just happened. He has been in serious pain for the past few days and he can't even explain why it happened or who he was when it happened. He says he would never do it again. But, I still feel ill. I took his virginity at a very young age and he has never slept with anyone else until now. When I was in a fit of anger, he brought up how I had slept with other people before our relationship. It's like he isn't in touch with reality.

The past two days my life has been going in a loop. I truly believe he is sick but I just don't know how to cope with it. I can't even look at him because I don't know who he is. He has always been a really insecure person who constantly comments on how attractive I am and how he's a gross slob. So, I just can't comprehend what happened... I also don't know how I'll ever be able to have sex again with him or someone else. I can't even look at my naked body in the mirror. I sincerely feel like he has ruined my life. I haven't been able to sleep or eat either. I have so many assignments due for my schooling and work. What can I do?

I would also like to add that his father and grandfather suffer from the same illness and have done this to their partners. His father abandoned him at a really young age and they are friends now but I just thought it was interesting that the cycle continues.
 

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Pedro, sorry you are here. It sounds like your partner needs some serious help. In my almost worthless opinion, his infidelity is just one small symptom of his larger problems. You are understandably very angry, and you should be. Get him some help. Get him healthy with meds and counseling. Does he have family you can involve in the process? Once he is in a better state of mind, work on the relationship.

Don't let him make you feel guilty. Like i said involve his family. Or other trusted friends. You have to take care of yourself too, first and foremost.

The infidelity is a serious problem, but it sounds like there are more immediate life or death issues to deal with today, so this is probably not the proper forum for you right now. Make sure someone gets him some help.
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I agree with the post above. The real serious issues, not to diminish the infidelity, really need to be addressed ASAP. I would definitely seek help for him and for yourself. He really needs all kinds of help, and I am not sure if it will be healthy for you to stay in this relationship to help him get it. He seems to be destroying your life, which ultimately is what really matters since we can't change anyone else, or make them get the help they need.

Since this cycle is continuing from generations, it is definitely a real issue not to take lightly. Add this to his infidelity, and you are in a real crisis, which although will be hard, I would try my best to get away from. Otherwise, definitely offer him help, but get yourself help if you decide to stay with him. I don't recommend leaving anyone to anyone, as I personally know how it feels to be cheated on and stay rather than leave, which until now, I never ever thought I'd do.

I am praying for you both. Please keep us updated & stay strong.


Tiffany
 

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Counselling, for you, for him, for both of you as a couple. And you could see your doctor for some instant help, too.

And he needs to be properly checked out for what treatment he needs for his illness.
 

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pedrothelion, try not to let his illness destroy you both. In truth you've probably played a codependent part already. It'll feel like no one has his back and like you have no choice. But you have a responsibility to yourself as well.

This is a hereditary disease in his family so please don't let yourself become pregnant by him. Imagine the guilt you would have if the cycle repeats with your child.
 

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Pedrothelion... it does sound like he has a serious problem with depression and possible bipolar. Please encourage him to get the help he needs for his illness.
 

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Thank you for all your beautiful advice. I don't feel so alone anymore.:)
I went through this with an ex. If he is saying he wants to kill himself you need to take that seriously. Call his doctor or 911. Don't sit around waiting for him to do it.
He needs help. And then when he is getting help, start getting help for yourself. My heart goes out to you, it is so confusing being cheated on by someone with a mental illness.
You are being pulled into his illness and rages not fair to you.
Get some counseling and find support groups for family and partners of people with mental illness. Talk to your friends if you can.
 

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You know, this is one of those stange cases where his mental illness is so severe, that maybe he did not cheat on you. It seems that he hates himself so much and is suicidal, he almost wants you to hate him also. Especially since he doesn't seem to have much detail on what happened, and it's kid of vague. As painful as it is, I would pry him for specific information on the incident, then you can judge for yourself if cheating has occurred.

Meanwhile, irregardless, he really needs to get help.
 
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