[cone]

My wife is apparently going through menopause (she will be 45 soon) and I am seeing some extreme behavior. I'm not sure what to think of it. I don't know if its menopause or hatred for me or what!

How extreme can things get during menopause?

 

[EnjoliWoman]

Interested in replies because I'm 44 and noticed the last 3 months I will cry at the drop of a hat the week before my period and I've never had PMS before. I hate not having control of my emotions but have learned to recognize it and compensate.

 

[heavensangel]

Oh yes, the mood swings. That's our biggest challenge at the moment. I found a book (link below) that helped US understand a little better, particularly my poor H who was beside himself trying to figure out what was going on. This book helped us both understand what to expect.

"No,It's Not Hot In Here",A Husbands Guide to Menopause: **** Roth: 9780965506731: Amazon.com: Books


Hope you find it as helpful as we did!

 

[anchorwatch]

Get a seat belt, a box of tissues, and a 48" remote control ceiling fan for over the bed. Oh, smile, reassure and pray for the patience of a saint. Remember it's not terminal and it will pass after a long duration.

 

[cone]

What about angry outbursts?
She gets so angry at me over nothing and talks to me like I'm a dog... is this something within the parameters of menopausal behavior?

 

[thunderstruck]

cone - I can relate. My W (45 yo) thinks she is in perimenopause. I googled it, and kept finding posts along the lines of - "Why do I suddenly hate my husband so much?"

Strap in, and read up on the subject...it's a tough ride. Anchor's suggestion for the ceiling fan is dead-on.

 

[anchorwatch]

Yep, it's all hormone driven rage. Smile and patience. But keep your boundaries during this loooong period. After she calms, discuses the AO and let her know you know what she's going through but you won't be treated badly. Then make sure you do at least 15-20 hours a week of bonding together. Not in front of the TV.

Oh BTW, everything is your fault. lol

 

[CharlieParker]

Remember it's not terminal and it will pass after a long duration.

Define "long" in this context.

Yep, it's all hormone driven rage. Smile and patience. But keep your boundaries during this loooong period. After she calms, discuses the AO and let her know you know what she's going through but you won't be treated badly.

I've found the rage will really sneak up with out warning, unlike "normal" rage that will build. She recently crossed the line, we later discussed it and we're OK again. Understanding what's going on is helpful and she mentioned the hormones but didn't use them as an excuse. I really can't complain, I've gotten off pretty easy so far, she's 50.

Anchor's suggestion for the ceiling fan is dead-on.

True. Also it's getting cold at night here, I need to dig out my "bed socks", because the bedroom window isn't closing until late spring, no matter what the temp outside is.

 

[Hope1964]

Menopause is NOT a disease. It REALLY upsets when people think they need to batten down the hatches and weather the storm. Our society has labelled menopause as an affliction and it IS NOT. It should be a time of celebration for a woman, not a time of trepidation.

(do I sound hormonal? )

This is an awesome book

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause

Please google "Menopause is not a disease" and do some reading, then decide to celebrate this time of life with your wife instead of dreading it.

 

[cone]

Oh but the HUGE challenge is to get her to celebrate it... I'll do whatever she needs. My fear is that she may succumb to the irrational behavior and leave/divorce me...

 

[Hope1964]

Oh but the HUGE challenge is to get her to celebrate it... I'll do whatever she needs. My fear is that she may succumb to the irrational behavior and leave/divorce me...

Why on earth would she do that?? We don't turn into raving lunatics just because of menopause. If she's unhappy in the marriage, stop blaming it on the menopause and start looking for the REAL reason.

 

[chillymorn]

a dry pu$$y and mood swings. buy smoe KY and lots of alcohol for self medication.

LOL just joking its different with each woman.

 

[heavensangel]

Hope the alcohol is for you....... alcohol will make the dryness worse as it does dehydrate those who partake.

 

[anchorwatch]

Define "long" in this context.

Five years on and off. How's that for long?

 

[cone]

We don't turn into raving lunatics just because of menopause.

I think its great that you don't but some women do...

 

[reboot]

I'm in the exact same boat. My wife is about 45 and going through menopause. It got bad about two months ago. She barely speaks to me, won't touch me, yet sometimes she will say she loves me as if she's fighting something. She told me recently that she's trying not to be angry with me.

I finally tried talking to her about it last night, which failed miserably. I ended up feeling like the spawn of Satan. Speaks of me like I'm a dog, as the other poster put it. It's as if she is blocking out every positive fact from the recent past, and misunderstanding everything I say to the point of being irrational. I'm 100% convinced there was not one thing I could say apart from "You're right" that would have made her feel even the least bit better.

I've been down a similar road before when she got post-partum after our first child, which was truly a nightmare that lasted six months until we found the right medications. At least now I can keep my head on straight and not take it so personally.

Based on advice in this thread, it sounds like I really need to keep my cool, keep showing I love her, and just ride out the storm. I obviously made a mistake last night by confronting it.

According to Hope1964, I'm supposed to approach my wife for a menopause celebration date. I will report back on how many slaps I get from her for even daring to suggest that her feelings are based on hormones rather than facts...

 

[CharlieParker]

We don't turn into raving lunatics just because of menopause. If she's unhappy in the marriage, stop blaming it on the menopause and start looking for the REAL reason.

I'd tend to agree with Hope, any more than you can tell us? cone, you say "angry outbursts", "over nothing". Nothing, really? Does she ever say "sorry, I may have overreacted"? Is this now 24/7? How was her temper before?

anchorwatch, 4 years behind us, the tough part is knowing when it is actually done, the proverbial fat lady doesn't sing. I think W thought she was done, no period in 2012 until a few weeks ago. But still, there was only a single "angry outbursts" and then back to normal. <Insert "normal lunatic" joke here >

chillymorn, Liquid Silk

 

[Hope1964]

I think its great that you don't but some women do...

That's ridiculous. Men like to blame women's hormones for a lot of things that they should be looking a little deeper for. She's mad at you? Must be PMS. She's pregnant? OMG duck and cover, man. Menopause? Oh crap, get our the touque and shield, buddy. Most of it is ridiculous.

The sad thing is, if a woman goes to her dr. wondering what's wrong with her, the dr is liable to prescribe HRT or tell them just to deal. That book I linked earlier was a godsend to me - EVERY woman should read it. This one too

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About PREmenopause

 

[cone]

it has always been my habit to NOT blame menopause/hormones, etc. I would always blame myself for possibly not doing something right or not responding correctly to her. Through communication I have worked through those things and thought things would get better. Well, now I truly handle things ok most of the time and she will go off into a rage anyway! Seemingly worse now that she can't blame me like she used to. other factors will set her off, the kids, etc. but the anger is always focused on me. Her angry rants are almost 100% of the time about things I have never done, it is things her ex-husband or poeple in her life have done. So yes, it may not be about "nothing" but now, most of the time, it is not somehing I have done.... to be on the recieving end, it can only be viewed as irrational since I should not be the focus of the anger..

When she is not angry she says I am the best husband in the world and she is lucky, she doesnt deserve a man like me, etc etc.... I tend not to believe all that but I figure she wouldn't say it at all if I was a horrible husband.

 

[thunderstruck]

This book helped us both understand what to expect.

"No,It's Not Hot In Here",A Husbands Guide to Menopause: **** Roth: 9780965506731: Amazon.com: Books

Thanks! I just ordered it.