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My wife and I have been married for one year, four and a half months, and she's now going through the beginning stages of menopause. Her periods are inconsistent and so are her moods. I'll do something nice for her, and she'll go off on me like I had been cheating on her or trying to cover up for something. Both of us were divorced in the past, with the other spouse being the one to leave. She also is suffering from control issues because of the death of her second son years ago. She is no longer on medication for depression, but I sometimes wonder if she doesn't need something. For example, one of the biggest fights we've had was caused by me asking a worker at Taco Bell for a fork, so my wife could eat her taco salad. She told me I embarrassed her and left the restaurant, leaving me embarrassed with two full meals sitting in front of me. She wouldn't talk to me for three or four days. My first instinct is to fix what's wrong, and find out how I contributed, so I can avoid doing so in the future. My wife won't talk about any aspect of our relationship. I'm supposed to "figure it out" for myself, and when I can't, it makes her all the more upset and frustrated. It doesn't do much for my attitude either. I know she loves me, and I love her, but sometimes it doesn't seem that way, because of the way she treats me. I try to chalk it up to menopause, but I'm not sure how long a woman goes through it, nor how much should be attributed to menopause, and how much is an issue that we should be dealing with. She says I'm always beating issues to death, and wanting to talk about things that don't call for discussion. That's the way I was brought up. My family discussed any issue that we thought was a problem or could turn into a problem. We tried to minimize situations by talking about them BEFORE they happened. She doesn't seem to understand why I want to do that and gets frustrated with me. Does anyone have any answers that will help me make her understand and work with me or help me to accept her better the way she is?
 

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Wow! Sounds like you are in a no win situation with your wife. I really believe there something else going on with your wife other than menopause, but I am no doctor. I would try to get her to see her doctor and you should try to go with her. I am not sure how honest she will be about her problems but it sounds like she is still grieving from her recent lost of her son. I can only imagine how painful it is to lose a child and I hope that I never have to go through something like that. I belive her grief is taking over your marraige and the brunt of her feelings are taken out on you. The Taco Bell incident is not normal a reaction and her reaction is so dramatic.
I would seek some support for yourself if she does not agree to see a doctor. I have feeling that if you continue to push her about working on her problems that she might pull further away from you. Ladies can be so complicated! Good Luck and let me know what happens.


Geneva
 
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