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So, I was in the book store the other day for my usual weekly chilling and drinking a good coffee. I picked up the book "Men Who Love *****es", and I skimmed through it. Some of it made sense, but a lot of it seems so backwards as well. The whole premise is that men enjoy the "chase", and don't want women who are too nice. Now, I don't consider myself too nice, with "mr. unavailable", I never pursued, never presured him to have a relationship, allowed him to make the first contact, etc. It didn't make a difference, and frankly it was really hard to hold back my emotions.

So ladies, what do you think? I'm trying to refine my dating techniques, and I hate the games women have to play to attract men, on the other hand, is this the way it is??
 

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I absolutely think it's true that men, and some women for that matter, enjoy the chase. Even my husband enjoys it if every once in a while I make him work for it, acting as if I'm not really impressed with his moves, like I'm not in the mood, so that he has to work a little harder for my affection.
Dating wise I think from what I see men like a little mystery, women who act like they enjoy being with them, but who would also be just fine without them. A woman who "saves a little bit for later" of their time, emotions, and physical affection. Some men seem to think that the harder they have to work for something, the more valuable it must be.
 

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Well here in indiana their is no chase. One date and your in bed with them. Sorry I dont date ****s, you have to have some respect for yourself snd here in indiana most women dont have that.
 

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Now, I don't consider myself too nice, with "mr. unavailable", I never pursued, never presured him to have a relationship, allowed him to make the first contact, etc. It didn't make a difference, and frankly it was really hard to hold back my emotions.
You're assuming that with mr. unavailable you could have somehow changed the outcome. Some men are just too damaged and no amount of game playing you do will change that.

I'm 46 and therefore too old to play silly games to get a man. I believe if you love yourself, are self confident and not needy men will be attracted to you. (Needy defined as in calling 5 times a day, asking him constantly does he like you, acting insecure, planning your wedding by the 4th date, that kind of thing).

Instead of focusing on revamping your dating skills why not try just being someone any man would be lucky to have. Not for the purpose of getting a man do it for you. If you do he will find you. I promise. :)
 

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I don't play games i am naturally aloof, i think i am mostly far to hard work for the general male, i don't want them for a relationship, i just want sex :p :eek:
This made me laugh. I'm the same way. It's how I got 3 marriage proposals back in the day when I was young. I didn't want to get married but wanted sex and in hindsight I see that made me quite a catch. LOL
 

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Here is the book link >> Why Men Love B****es: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship:

There is this one too >>> Why Men Marry B****es: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart:

I look upon that book as the woman's guide to showing confidence in who she is and not being a doormat to any man, it's the female "No More Mr Nice Guy" equivalent.

ddindiana said: Well here in indiana their is no chase. One date and your in bed with them. Sorry I dont date ****s, you have to have some respect for yourself snd here in indiana most women dont have that.
juicecondensation said: Lets not kid ourselves. Women love playing hard to get and being chased.

You are doing it for your own enjoyment, not because you think men like it. Be honest here. Women like playing games a hell of alot more than men.
I must say this about myself... I am the opposite of ddindiana and Juicecondensations's posts here...

I was never the type to play games, if a man can't speak honesty & BE true to his word, I'd loose him real fast, and I wouldn't be sleeping with him till I knew he wanted me & only me, commitment in his
- His words lining up with his actions through the Test of time. I want the whole package...or I'd prefer to wait till I found it... another one bites the dust.

I was just talking to my sons College roommate yesterday ... great guy, doesn't need a woman for happiness, honorable...a writer, I think highly of him.....

Somehow we got on such a subject...he went on to say .... he has no interest in the games women play these days.... Most are immature & the Men aren't helping matters... that is not his scene....if he makes a move, and she wants to be with him...then starts playing hard to get expecting him to chase her down, he's done......his words... "The girl is either with me, into me & wants to be with me expressing this ....or NOT with me.....and we'll go from there". Basically saying he doesn't have time for the immature games some enjoy playing.

These are the type of men I personally RESPECT, anything less wouldn't be working for me either..... .If someone's YES means NO.... and their NO's mean YES's......that would turn me into a wired Bi*ch real fast, I'd throw up my hands and say ...:wtf:

This however, doesn't mean I wouldn't like to FLIRT it up ~ make it FUN, entertaining, and have a ball of a time together ... but games to entice attraction..... they are just not for me....never was. But this is why I've always been drawn to the good guys anyway.....they are less likely to act like this. They don't play hard to get, what you see is what you get. This I have Respect for, it is something I admire even... it doesn't pizz with my brain & emotions.

Mavash said: I believe if you love yourself, are self confident and not needy men will be attracted to you. (Needy defined as in calling 5 times a day, asking him constantly does he like you, acting insecure, planning your wedding by the 4th date, that kind of thing).

Instead of focusing on revamping your dating skills why not try just being someone any man would be lucky to have. Not for the purpose of getting a man do it for you. If you do he will find you.
AMEN
 

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I've read some of the book. I do think a lot of it is just a way of a woman to feel empowered and not needy. I also do agree though that some women love being chased. I have had my experiences with that. You just have to force their hand by being direct. Some of them actually respect that. Those who don't, that's when you know it's just a game and they are just loving male attention. I don't want to feel like i'm a contestant on the Bachelorette when i'm trying to date a woman.
 

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I don't want to feel like i'm a contestant on the Bachelorette when i'm trying to date a woman.
Exactly. With my husband we just clicked right away and within 3 dates we were an item. Had I played games with him he would have likely left thinking I wasn't interested.

In the books defense I was working 2 jobs and going to college so I had a life outside of him. I'm sure that was appealing to him and I wasn't looking for a man. He just kinda happened.
 

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It is interesting. As a consider the single women I know there are very few I would consider dating if I was single. The ones that I would consider are those that have a sweet disposition and a good sense of humor. The witches? I think not.
 

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My W is so incredibly good at this.

And she needs it in reverse. If I couldn't hold back my emotions when needed the marriage would have been destroyed.

I do show her love, lots of it. Except in conflict.

So, I was in the book store the other day for my usual weekly chilling and drinking a good coffee. I picked up the book "Men Who Love *****es", and I skimmed through it. Some of it made sense, but a lot of it seems so backwards as well. The whole premise is that men enjoy the "chase", and don't want women who are too nice. Now, I don't consider myself too nice, with "mr. unavailable", I never pursued, never presured him to have a relationship, allowed him to make the first contact, etc. It didn't make a difference, and frankly it was really hard to hold back my emotions.

So ladies, what do you think? I'm trying to refine my dating techniques, and I hate the games women have to play to attract men, on the other hand, is this the way it is??
 

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Beyond the gimmick, the point of the book just seems to be "respect yourself and be happy with who you are so you aren't accommodating someone who is treating you badly". Too often, our culture (American media, etc.) teaches women to gain a sense of value from their romantic relationships. This can be problematic. I think this book is trying to speak to that dynamic.

I liked it. It was fun. A little cheezy, but enjoyable and with at least a few points worth thinking about.
 

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Well, if I go by the definition of the book, then my wife is a TOTAL B--TCH!!! :rofl:

But anyways the NMMNG and this female version all circulate around a rather simple truth that respect is needed to be earned before love can blossom at all, which is kinda "duh" in my opinion

Difficult to practice/apply at times however
 

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I don't know anything about that book but I will say that I had been dating and going no where when I met my SO. He was used to women falling all over him and chasing him and basically every date he had was ending in sex. I was used to guys chasing me. So both of us went on our dates expecting the other to make a move and we were at a standstill. It left us both wondering what was going on with the other person so we kept going out and after three months he finally made a move. It's kind of unbelievable but it took us three months to have a first kiss even though we were seeing each other for dates almost 2-3 times a week. It wasn't playing games it was just not being what everyone else before had been and it gave us the time to really get to know each other without the focus being on anything sexual (even though we were both dying inside for it lol).
 

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I believe most men don't know what a bit*h is until after they marry one.

and then they know what to advoid with the next woman he starts a relationship with.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
thanks for all the responses...

Ok, what really effed me up with this dating crap was that basically I met two people after I ended my 25 year marriage. Ironically, both were emotionally unavailable, and displayed it differently.

The second really played with my emotions, and as someone said previously, he's damaged beyond belief, and no matter how aloof or how much I stepped back, he wouldn't budge. This is not the typical guy I would imagine, but like I always say, I was with the same person for 25 years, my first love, and he pretty much smothered me, called me many times a day, and wanted all my attention. So, that kind of confused me when it came to dating, I wanted somewhat the same attention, but I also wanted my own time as wel.

With the second guy I dated for several months, I was very attracted to the fact that he didn't pursue me, it played with my head, and I tried to work harder at getting him to notice me. But after reading up on EU men, I realized that no matter what I said or did, it wouldn't bring him closer. Apparently they're the worst men to date, because they make you feel crazy, always questioning yourself. And it can make a woman feel terribly rejected..blah

So, when I say "refine" my dating style, I really wasn't talking about changing who I am, for the most part I am happy with who I am, it was more how to navigate the "normal" men, and kind of figure out when to step back, when I am being overwhelming, is it ok to make the plans for the date??? I never thought I was a nag (ok, maybe in my marriage..lol), I'm just recognizing my pattern in terms of the men I pick.
 
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