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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If I am pre occupied, stressed or under great pressure, sex is not the first thing on my mind so I ask this question of the men.

My partner is under great stress ATM. If he came home to find his drink poured and his woman ready to give him a BJ with no reciprocation needed, is this a good thing or are men when stressed likely to be put off sex?

I know everyone is different but if the general consensus is stress = lack of desire for sex then I will then know more about men than I do right now.

Thanks
 

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As a man, I cannot think of anything that causes a lack of desire for sex. If he is stressed, showing him appreciation (not necessarily sexual) is a really great thing to do.
 

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If I am under stress, I find sex to be very relaxing.

That said, the nature of the sex may be a bit different than usual. Not that I get kinky or anything, but the sex may have less of a sense of communication and more of a sense of urgency.

I think the common thread of these examples is that under stress, I need, more than ever, to lose myself in the act.

* I may just want to kick back and enjoy a completely no-obligation BJ. Lose myself completely in the sensation. I don't want to have to think about anything.

* I may want to pleasure my partner without regard to myself. Sometimes I can lose myself effectively by doing a massage, or by working over my partner with my finger tips and tongue, pushing her on to a climax. I may or may not want to join in when it's done. I'm sure this has all kinds of control-freak aspects to it.

* I may want to pretty much drag my partner off to the bedroom and jump right into things abruptly; again, taking control, but this time focusing on myself.

A lot is going to depend on what is causing the stress, I suppose.

There is a BIG difference between the women I've had in my life and me on "sex during stress." Most women I've known do NOT even THINK about sex when they are under pressure, their mind is on the problem. (I never understood this. I find that I can deal with whatever problem I'm having in my life better AFTER sex. The endorphins can help put things in perspective. I am relaxed and can attend to details. For me, it was much like taking a valium or an antidepressant -- with none of the inconvenient side effects like ED or Delayed Orgasm, but I digress)

I've only experienced one woman, back in college, who seemed to have the same kind of feeling about sex. I was 20, she was 30, and we hooked up several times when she was under stress, sex was CLEARLY her outlet.

My wife, occasionally, will seek sex during stress, but it may just be because, ironically, her sexual fulfillment had been put off too long because of stress. We have been undergoing a great deal of stress as a couple because of an aging and very ill family member who moved in with us for nearly a year. Not only was this an emotional situation, but we lost a great deal of privacy. Our house guest would go to the bathroom 3-4 times a night, and we had to keep our bedroom door open so we could rescue our guest if they fell or had problems. So, we would sneak a quickie now and then when we were pretty sure the elder was sleeping, but I knew it was mostly her being aware of how much sex helps ME relieve stress. I became the recipient of a number of quick, surprise BJs. Over all, the situation provided a very long dry spell for both of us.

As for her own sexual fulfillment, my wife is very loud, it's nearly impossible for her to be quiet unless her mouth is full, and she must move around a lot before she can finish. Every once in a while, she would push aside caution and pretty much attack me and please herself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
OK stress does not seem to put men off sex, that is good to know.

I am thinking I will pour his drink and whatever happens after that will be just fine. I was thinking BJ because I don't want him to feel like I am wanting anything from him. He already has enough people wanting his blood at the moment.

There is a BIG difference between the women I've had in my life and me on "sex during stress." Most women I've known do NOT even THINK about sex when they are under pressure, their mind is on the problem. (I never understood this. I find that I can deal with whatever problem I'm having in my life better AFTER sex. The endorphins can help put things in perspective. I am relaxed and can attend to details. For me, it was much like taking a valium or an antidepressant -- with none of the inconvenient side effects like ED or Delayed Orgasm, but I digress)
Thanks for this, it is exactly what I wanted to know. I am a HD woman but when stressed I do not think about sex.
 

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Holland said: My partner is under great stress ATM. If he came home to find his drink poured and his woman ready to give him a BJ with no reciprocation needed, is this a good thing or are men when stressed likely to be put off sex?
For the vast majority of men.. a GOOD thing ! Absolutely nothing outside of sickness deters my husbands interest in my touching leading to
...& the quickest way to get there starts with the blessid BJ.
 

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Can't speak for other men, but the best sex for me is when I've been stressed and then it happens not long after I'm destressed. To me I dont really get into it if I'm still dealing with the thing that is causing stress is still present, and also if I feel like I haven't challenged myself in other ways then I don't want it as much. But when ALL my reward centers are firing in sync, then there is nothing more pleasurable...
 

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OK stress does not seem to put men off sex, that is good to know.

I am thinking I will pour his drink and whatever happens after that will be just fine. I was thinking BJ because I don't want him to feel like I am wanting anything from him. He already has enough people wanting his blood at the moment.


Thanks for this, it is exactly what I wanted to know. I am a HD woman but when stressed I do not think about sex.
HAVE YOU BEEN NOMINATED FOR SAINTHOOD YET?

A woman who sits around planning a BJ attack on her man instead of something that involves him using post hole diggers , pipe wrenches,and busting up ceramic floor tile.......

Maddam I doff my hat....:smthumbup:
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Well that made me laugh Woodchuck :)

And yes Joe, he is an extraordinary man and very good to me.

SA sadly I was with a LD man for many years, stress or no stress, sex was not there. Now I find myself in a happy, wonderful life but with holes in my knowledge of men in general. It is good to know that the vast majority of men would think sex at this time is a good thing. I sort of feel silly for even having to ask.
 

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What?

No Steak?
 
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If I am pre occupied, stressed or under great pressure, sex is not the first thing on my mind so I ask this question of the men.

My partner is under great stress ATM. If he came home to find his drink poured and his woman ready to give him a BJ with no reciprocation needed, is this a good thing or are men when stressed likely to be put off sex?

I know everyone is different but if the general consensus is stress = lack of desire for sex then I will then know more about men than I do right now.

Thanks
That's a great idea!

Stress does affect the libido of some men. A lot of ED issues can actually be traced back to out of control stress levels.

But a no-strings-attached blowjob would be seen as very relaxing, and stress free, in a way that reciprocated sex can't be to a man who has stress related libido problems.

Just make sure he understands that the offer is all about pleasing him, and not about hidden costs and expectations.

The only scenario that I can think of where this might not work is if the man has a known problem maintaining an erection. If so, especially after a stressed day, even a blowjob might trigger is anxiety over his ED, and not be welcome by him.
 

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Re: having an all consuming crush!

I had written a long message but I’ve now cut it down just to keep it straight to the point.
I love my husband and I’ve been with him for 5 years. I see us as lifelong partners.
The problem is he has erectile dysfunction and I’ve been very supportive about it but after 5 years it’s just started to affect my feelings towards sex.
I recently got a message from an old flame and he wasn’t a boyfriend, he was just a great romp and he encapsulates everything about an alpha male. I know I’m not interested in anything but a good time.
When I see him, he gives me butterflies in the stomach and there is real sexual urge pulsating and I can feel my temperature rise.
I know I’m attracted to him because he represents the thing that is missing in my marriage. We kissed recently and for some reason it brought life in my marriage too. Maybe cause I just felt more alive.
Would it be best to just have that one more encounter to get it out of my system and then I can move on or should I just wait out for the sizzle to fizzle. It’s just the desire is so strong that it’s all consuming. I know it’s purely physical but I just want to know if anyone else has had this problem and what did they do?
Start a thread and on the Coping With Infidelity section and ask for opinions.
 

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Are you looking for beta testers?
 
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well looks like my husband falls into the other category (the minority)
When he's under a lot of pressure or stress at work, he just likes to be left alone and given the freedom to take the shots...me leading him on/expressing interest/seducing him only seems like more stress to him - stress to perform...

If I did something like you did, it would definitely cool him down initially...he'd enjoy the thought into it, the ensuing intimacy etc...but 50% chances are that sometime later he wouldn't be able to finish as his thoughts would again eventually wander to his stresses and how they caused performance-related anxiety in prior episodes...
then poof... he snaps and its worse than when it started...

I don't see many (if any) with such issues around here, so I think you should be quite safe with your gestures not backfiring...
 
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