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Discussion Starter #1
I came across these posts on IG (attached below) from an influencer who teaches about men and women in high society. She answered to some of the questions from her followers, regarding who should pay on dates.


Do you agree with her? if yes, to what extent?? If no, why?
What about your personal experiences?


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Personally, I agree with her to the extent that it's a pleasure to have the man pay on dates, especially during the first phases of dating. Most times, I'd prefer the man to offer to pay. I see it as a sign of chivalry, which is a trait that I highly appreciate and turns me on.
Sure, I also offer to pay from time to time. I don't like the idea of being passive and always waiting for him to pay, but I have to admit, I expect the man to pay (most times - but not always).

This influencer is of the idea that the man must pay 100% of the time, all the time ..always , for everything - and I absolutely do not agree with this.

Also, have a look at the comment on gender-equality that men&women are not equal by nature therefore splitting the bill doesn't make sense. Although, IMO, this is more related to equal rights rather than equal genders but that's another topic.

In marriage though, things might be a bit different because the couple uses the joint account so it might not matter who pays what and when.
 

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If you're multidating him or in any way not seeing an LTR with this guy, then yes, I think a woman should share dating expenses. But also, I think a woman needs to be realistic. If the guy doesn't make a lot of money or has a fair few demands on his paycheck, then some adjustments need to be made.
 

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@lovelygirl I agree with most of what both you and the Insta influencer say. As a woman, all the things I have to do to be attractive and feminine for a date costs $$$. Women's clothing costs more, our toiletries cost more, our haircuts cost more, we have to buy makeup and get leg waxes and manicures and pedicures... all of these things cost us in both money and time. Men claim they don't care about this stuff, but in my experience, men gravitate towards women who are made-up and manicured, and ignore women who aren't. Not only that but the time spent getting ready for the date for a woman is significant, whereas most men put on a new shirt and call it good. All of this extra money and time women have to put in for a date when we still don't have equal pay.

If I have had to go through all that time and effort to go put on a date, so that I look good for a man, if he wants to see me again, he damn well better pay for dinner. It's called chivalry. If a man doesn't value me and my time enough to pay for dinner, then he is not the man for me. If he insists that we split the check, then he won't be getting a second date with me. A man paying the check is an investment in me and our potential relationship, because the man who is chivalrous with me and who treats me well... that man will be treated like a king. You treat the right woman like a queen, and she will treat you like a king.

HOWEVER... if I've already decided that I don't want to see him again, I will insist on splitting the check. I'm not going to take advantage of a man whom I have no intention of seeing again.

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When I was dating, I never once had a man ask to do this.

Even when I asked in advance (for clarity, so I could relax), I was consistently told they wanted to pay.

I think you're definitely right about women who dress up, verse those who don't. Being a blue jeans/t-shirt kind of person, I didn't. 😬

@lovelygirlIf he insists that we split the check, then he won't be getting a second date with me.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
If the guy doesn't make a lot of money or has a fair few demands on his paycheck, then some adjustments need to be made.
Just like the influencer said, if the guy doesn't make a lot of money, then he can take her to places he affords so that he can pay the full bill.
 

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The way I look on it is this. If I was having dinner or drinks with a woman and she insisted on paying for herself then I wouldn’t consider it a date, just two people having a meal/drink together.
On my very first date I was bringing a girl to the movies. My Dad asked me had I enough money to pay for both of us and I said I had. He told me to always pay on dates because girls have to buy stuff that boy’s don’t. That was good advice then and it still is.
 

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I don't pay for anything early on. This is how you weed out the men who aren't that into you.

And to @FeministInPink's point, getting dolled up costs money.

Now once he's shown that he's interested enough to make a lot of effort, including paying for dates, I don't mind things becoming more even.

My guy paid for everything early on. That told me he was very interested, and now we split things more evenly.
 

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The way I look on it is this. If I was having dinner or drinks with a woman and she insisted on paying for herself then I wouldn’t consider it a date, just two people having a meal/drink together.
On my very first date I was bringing a girl to the movies. My Dad asked me had I enough money to pay for both of us and I said I had. He told me to always pay on dates because girls have to buy stuff that boy’s don’t. That was good advice then and it still is.
I like your dad, he sounds like a good guy!

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I don't pay for anything early on. This is how you weed out the men who aren't that into you.

And to @FeministInPink's point, getting dolled up costs money.

Now once he's shown that he's interested enough to make a lot of effort, including paying for dates, I don't mind things becoming more even.

My guy paid for everything early on. That told me he was very interested, and now we split things more evenly.
One of the things I'll do to make things more even later is that I do a lot of cooking. Instead of getting carryout for a night in, I'll buy food and cook at his place. And I'll do other little things like that, or I might surprise him with tickets to an event I know he would enjoy. I still expect him to pay when we go out, but as a relationship progresses, I think you spend more time staying in and doing everyday things than going out on dates.

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Just like the influencer said, if the guy doesn't make a lot of money, then he can take her to places he affords so that he can pay the full bill.
Yes... I don't need a date to be at a fancy restaurant. But he needs to take the initiative and plan SOMETHING. Even a picnic in a park and feeding the ducks or something... super inexpensive date, but a lot of fun and shows initiative and him taking responsibility for the date.

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If it’s a first date and he invited me then he would pay. If I invited him then I would pay. Subsequent dates (or long-term dating) — depends but should be equal. But the guy paying all the time for everything? Absolutely not for me. This is not the same world as it was when I was growing up when a guy would have been totally shocked if I offered to pay or split. For the decades I was married, the money came from a joint account so it didn’t matter which of us paid. If I were to remarry (never) there would be separate accounts with a joint account used for paying bills, etc. and I would expect that we would take turns for dates — depending. But I expect things to be equal. I do spend a ridiculous deal of money to look the way I do, and always have, but that’s my choice and I don’t balance that against anything else.
 

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This is a new world we live, in many aspects! For one I think it depends how you meet this guy? If it was like friends hooking you up, I would think the man should pay and maybe the female offer to leave the tip???
If you are meeting this guy as a stranger from an online dating site, since you really don't know who this guy really is, I WOULD WANT TO PAY FOR WHAT I ORDERED! Only because I wouldn't want this guy to expect anything at the end of the date in return.
I'm not saying all men are like this, you just don't know if this one is! Especially if you do not see a 2nd date together in the future. Pay for your own dinner and cut your lost.
It's too bad things like dating are not like they were before all of this technology. I never had to use dating sites, I hope I never have to! I been married 30 years, been with my husband since I was18 years old. I'm not against people finding online dates.
Actually my daughter at the age of 17, started talking to this guy who was in the military. He was stationed in Korea at the time. They meet playing online either through xbox or playstation. When he finished his tou, he flew straight to California 3 days prior to her 18th birthday and proposed to her!
I had no clue of any of this! She keep it all a secret and she knew he bought her a ring and they were planning on getting married. She ended up getting married 5 days after she turned 18. Then 2 days later she moved to the East coast where he was stationed.
Luckily it worked out! They have been married 10 years now. Tell me that is not the most terrifying thing as a parent.
We all know that people can pretend online who they are and the only thing that gave me some comfort knowing the military had a background check in this guy.
So I would rather pay for myself on 1st date, see where it goes! After the 1st date, if there happens to be a 2nd or 3rd date then yes the guy should step up and start paying for the dates.

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The new woman I have been seeing is a potential LTR. We have been on several dates, but some have just been meeting at the beach where I bring alcohol and she brings some food, so we both contribute. We’ve gone out to eat twice, I paid once and she paid once. We are both independent people, and our dating ‘costs’ have reflected that. I would be turned off if I have to solely foot the bill.
 

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One of the things I'll do to make things more even later is that I do a lot of cooking. Instead of getting carryout for a night in, I'll buy food and cook at his place. And I'll do other little things like that, or I might surprise him with tickets to an event I know he would enjoy. I still expect him to pay when we go out, but as a relationship progresses, I think you spend more time staying in and doing everyday things than going out on dates.

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I cook a lot too and he doesn't cook at all, and he has special dietary needs that I accommodate, so I think that's worth a lot!
 

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One of the things I'll do to make things more even later is that I do a lot of cooking. Instead of getting carryout for a night in, I'll buy food and cook at his place. And I'll do other little things like that, or I might surprise him with tickets to an event I know he would enjoy. I still expect him to pay when we go out, but as a relationship progresses, I think you spend more time staying in and doing everyday things than going out on dates.

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^ This.

Unless there is a huge income discrepancy, the expenses even out over time. I know I have invited dates over to my house where the food I served was more expensive than anything I had gotten at a restaurant.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
My Dad asked me had I enough money to pay for both of us and I said I had. He told me to always pay on dates because girls have to buy stuff that boy’s don’t. That was good advice then and it still is.
Such a decent advice! 👏👏👏

Family plays a big role in raising boys(future men) in terms of how they should treat their womam. That type of advice is one of them.
 
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I was brought up with a very traditional dad who like @Andy1001 's dad, taught us that the guy always pays.

I know things are different now and I try to go with the flow BUT, splitting the bill has only happened to me on one date and it was such a turnoff. I have a type and like it or not, I cannot let it go.
 
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