1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Sex
5. Sex

The rest of it(cooking, cleaning, work) will follow with help, support and happiness from your H. Understand that being together physically and not always intimately make for a strong marriage. Cooking, cleaning and sex are a participation sport in my marriage. My W and I do these together as much as possible. You should attempt the same with your H. Concerning the hobby, my hobby my W will attend maybe 1-2 times a year. It does not bother me in the least. It should not bother your H either. Nor bother you that you can not make all the games.

 

Well, 4 is the only one I really need my wife for, all the rest, I can, and for the most part do take care of for myself and the family. I earn most of the money, do almost all of the cooking, majority of the cleaning, and my hobbies really aren't conducive to spectating.

 

I enjoy my wife attending my games! I don't actually recall her ever missing one, and it's nothing serious what I do (rec league stuff). It's nice having her there. If she were to miss here and again, it would be ok. However, what I can't stand to see are the WAG's who show up but aren't there...ie..immersed in a book or on their phone the entire time. They might as well have stayed home.

 

KJ ~
May I ask why it's important for her to attend your games?
Thank you ~
VH

 

Its not easy to order things - what is more important food or water? Well you die without either.

So how do your items affect me?

1) Work: I respect my wife for having a career. It would not be the end of the world if she left her job, but I prefer that she does

2). Cooking: doesn't matter to me at all. In fact I'd much rather she spent less time cooking and more time with me. I'm a little strange in that I prefer nice meals out to in the house - its not the food (my wife is a great cook), but the chore aspect associated with cooking / cleaning up dinner detracts for me. Fortunately we have the income to eat out whenever we wish.

3). Cleaning. I don't want to live in a pigsty but this isn't important. We also get maid service - well worth the saved time.

4) Sex. This is vital - it is the one unique thing I can share with my wife. I said its difficult to put an order on things, but I would put this first. Sadly it is missing for us.

5). Supporting hobbies: I like to be able to talk about our hobbies and to participate at some level, but I don't expect or want her to go out of her way to engage in my hobby.

The reverse of course applies. I try to do these things for my wife. I can't cook, so as a substitute I clean and do food shopping. Still not balanced, but I do more of other chores to make things even.

snip
Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)

Thank you!

 

At various times we've made various trade offs. Mainly between work and cleaning. Less work meant more time to tend to house vs more hours at work and more professional cleaning help. No trade offs on sex and cooking, they are both very important to us.

Our individual hobbies are more or less in or the house. When we do stuff outside the house we try to do it together. But that's where I would expect my wife to cut back.

 

4, 5, 2, 3, 1

 

I should add that the reason cooking is important (to me) is my body. I like to keep trim and fit and I know I'd end up a big fatty if we ate out every day. That's the main reason I try to prioritize this one so much. I know from all the threads here a man would much rather have a trim wife even if it meant more time spent cooking than an overweight one so I don't want to budge too much, here. We do eat out (a nice meal - not fast-food) every Saturday, though so any more than that is too much, IMO. Maybe I can embrace some more heat and eat style meals? To free up my time? At least these can be quick and healthy as I can control what i'm heating. Maybe that can be my compromise here. And I need to make sure I don't feel guilty. I always feel like a failure purchasing pre made burgers or lasagna...

@KJ I know what you mean! I never figured out why they even come! I'm not one of those. Read your book at home, lol. We both play the sport so I'm either on the bench giving advice when asked or up top filming. I like to film him and we review it. (He seems to enjoy this, too.)

I should have known sex would trump a clean house, lol.

 

Cooking is important to my W as she too is working on losing weight/keep it off, etc. The meals we both enjoy together and have both lost a lot of weight. I sometimes help cook but mostly clean up as my W has done the cooking. Seems fair to us. We also exercise together. Concerning premade foods....your H and you will enjoy the homemade over these already made meals. Spend time cooking and cleaning it up together as much as you can.

Clean house is great for getting dirty in :smile2: My W cleans but if she really wants heavy duty cleaning she will ask me as some chemicals for cleaning really get to her. I do it gladly as it is physical work and since I sit at a desk all day it helps keep me fit.

But yes, sex is part of a happy healthy marriage.

 

Only #4; the rest i can take care of myself

this reminds me of a joke.

the dictionary definition of the word "Wife": an attachment you screw on the bed to get the house work done.

 

I have a question for the men:
What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
Thanks

 

Fair question. Man could see relationship as room mate type deal. Sometime a marriage will get to this level. Everything is done but #4 like a room mate relationship be. If you are in this situation it may be best to question why the man is not interested in #4 any longer.

 

Have you asked him how important having you in the stands is? Maybe you can go to every other game?

The order: 4, 1, 2, 3, 5

I'd much rather have good food to eat than heat and eat garbage. As you say, you are an athlete, he is an athlete, so good food helps two people and lousy food hurts two people.

As far as a clean house, there's clean and there's OCD Clean. There's hours of work between clean and OCD Clean.

 

4
1
3
2
5


I don't really need her to support my hobbies. I recently started learning to play banjo. I simply follow her around the house playing it.

She hates it, and I kind of love that she hates it.

 

I have started with the banjo as well. I enjoy clawhammer. I particularly like double C tuning. I always say to my W, "Don't make me pull out the banjo." LOL. My W does not hate it but is not in love with it either. The banjo just get's no respect. I plan on changing that!

 

Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)

2 - I enjoy being pampered by her cooking, wish she would do it more often
3 - I like a neat house (Not OCD clean but not cluttered)
1 - Her income and career are important
4 - I enjoy it but as I get older it is not nearly as important
5 - My hobbies don't need spectators

 

I was wondering would there be a marked difference between the guys in their 20-30s, 40-50s and 50-60's in how they rank these items.
You have partially answered that question

 

I am not sure what the point of this list is, I don't think it is going to solve your problem even if you do re-prioritize. I think it's the things you are doing but the fact that you don't feel emotionally supported. That is what I get from your post is basically, our lives are a routine and I need more. Instead of re-prioritizing stuff, why not talk to him about your needs. Do it before you start to resent him, give him a chance to help you and your marriage.

 

This was a weird response...

I do feel supported and like I said I don't feel overwhelmed. I do, however, feel unsure as to whether or not I'm devoting my time/energy in the right way. I do GET overwhelmed easily which is also the point of this post. I want some guidance as to how I should or should not change up my routine.

My husband is very useful. (For example, I'm having a girl's night out Friday and everyone will be coming here before for drinks, makeup, etc. He's off work and he already told me he'll clean the entire apartment and be gone by whatever time I ask. He'll even pick my drunk ass up, lol.)
I have no resentment towards him concerning his domestic contribution.

The goal of this re adjustment is 100% for his benefit. Seriously. I'm trying to figure out if my priorities are or aren't the most useful for a successful marriage. (I'm OCD clean, BTW... My apartment looks like a magazine and I spend A LOT of time cleaning everything inside and out... I may have to relax on that.)

Do any of you men have a *serious* hobby? Not that the banjo isn't serious... But you know what I mean...

So in sum, sex must be bumped up the list, lol.

 

4, 5, 1, 2, 3

 

I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.

 

Sex may be at the top of their list, but at the end of the day, it seems most would still prefer a 2nd paycheck coming in.

Unicorn, one of your biggest problems is that like most women, you're expected to do it all. You're expected to work outside the home, you're expected to do the clear majority of the work inside the home, you're expected to provide constant attention and adoration to your husband, you're expected to be a sex kitten for him, you're expected to spend 3 hours watching a soccer game 3 nights a week and if you choose to have kids, you'll be expected to be Super Mom on TOP of all of that. And this is why most women are SO damned exhausted by the time they get the 'luxury' of falling into bed every night.

You need to stop seeing HIS occasional contribution inside the home as 'helping' you. He lives there too and you both work full time. That means he's RESPONSIBLE for 50% of the chores inside the house. He's not doing you a 'favor' if he does laundry or scrubs a toilet - he's doing what he SHOULD be doing. And he's clearly NOT doing his true share or you wouldn't have mentioned "HE wants a clean house etc. etc." Well if HE wants it, he can damned well do 50% of it.

The reason I bring this up is that if you put all the domestic chores on the back-burner in order to pander to him and all his needs, the housecleaning fairy isn't going to pick up your slack. You'll just find yourself working your tail off at other times trying to CATCH up with what you put aside and you'll very much start to resent it. It's so easy for everyone to tell you to make him a priority but that doesn't mean everything else just magically gets taken care of. It's STILL there.

I'd be sitting him down and letting him know he's going to be doing 50% from now on. Not 20, not 15, not when it's 'convenient' for him, but 50%. When he's doing his TRUE share, then you'll have more time to cater to him.

 

As an active football/basketball referee, I was thrilled whenever either of XW's attended any of my games!

My first W was into arts and crafts, but I was never really into it, but gave her moral support to keep it up as a hobby!

RSXW was into horses and old books of which I really came to love both avocations!

Unfortunately, she was also covertly into "bumping cars" with other men from her past to which I never had the first damned clue!

 

4 is really the only one I care about based on the list you provided. The others I care about equally less. My reasoning:

Since I am in a monogamous relationship and have no desire to cheat, I cannot get sex from anywhere else. That makes sex an easy #1 priority (ironic since that is where my marriage often falls short lol).

My W working would only be important to me if financially it was needed, or if we didn't have a family to take care of (over the past few years she has switched from working full time to being a SAHM to help raise our children). Cooking and cleaning, I can take care of myself, don't need a maid. Support for hobbies, as much as it would be nice if W was interested, not really high on my list. All I would ask is that my W doesn't dismiss my hobbies.

 

OP-

I'm not a man (not sure if I should apologize for this, lol), but just wanted to ask. . . . .

Does your husband expect you to attend all of his games or is that a self-imposed guilt trip? Just curious.

 

Oh, no he doesn't expect it, but I know the change hurts his feelings. He's told me he misses me being there. I'm a player myself so I'm not a useless spectator... I have real input concerning his game. I think this is part of the reason he wants me there. That was the point of this post - to figure out if I should sideline a few other things and make more time for this. It doesn't look like any of the men have a demanding hobby/sport that their wife also plays so it's a separate hobby, not a joint one so the advice is kind of of skewed? I'm just trying to figure out if my placing domestic duties too high on the priortiy list of things that need to be done.

 

You and he can make a bunch of decent food at once and then freeze it in meal size portions. Then you can avoid heat and eat food, eat well, and not spend a ton of time cooking every day. Does he enjoy cooking?

 

5. I'd never expect her to attend. In the busyness of our day free time is precious. It's all about balance.

Since you both share house work (and you're here exploring this topic) it seems neither of you are overly selfish and are concerned about the other's feelings. Do you sense he would be troubled if you didn't attend so many games?

 

Work comes first. Cooking and cleaning and sex are somewhere in the middle. Then my hobbies are last. My kids are top priority. But I think priority also should be given to alone time with the wife too.

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk

 

I would rate it at the bottom. While it is important to support your spouse's hobbies, it's not as important and the rest you mentioned. If your spouse can't devote a lot of time to it, it's important that they know that you are in support of it and aren't expected to quit just because you aren't into it as much as they are.

 

1. Work - two incomes needed today
2. Sex - she has a very low sex drive.......
3. Cleaning - I do most of it
4. Cooking - we both cook
5. Hobbies - doesn't matter to me.

 

1. Work - You can't do anything without finances, so this is paramount.

2. Sex - I'm HD. Nuff said.

3. Cleaning - I'm a collector, so I must have organization. Additionally, I do my own laundry, my share of the cleaning and all of the yard maintenance. She cleans the bathroom because she takes 3 showers a day.

4. Cooking - I eat for sustenance. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy certain dishes, but I don't center my life around food. Honestly, if I didn't have to eat, I probably never would. That would eliminate the time-suck that is going to the bathroom.

5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator) - What I enjoy in my spare time makes me who I am as an individual. If she enjoys the same things, it's all good. We'd have something additional to share. If not, no biggie. Life goes on and I'll enjoy my hobbies by myself. For example, I enjoy attending sporting events and conventions. It's great if she goes, but I won't force her to go.

 

Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)

I asked my Husband this earlier... this was his response:

1.
2 & 3. Toss up between cooking wholesome meals and supporting his Hobbies
4. Clean house
5. me working