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I have a wife a two kids. we have been together for 10 years. I still love her and even more now that the kids are in the picture. I am however feeling less and less physically and passionatly attracted to her. When we do have sex it is out of pure physical desire to fullfill my sexual needs rather than an attraction or passion. I find myself looking at other women constantly and in many cases thinking of ways I could venture out without getting caught. I just really miss the feeling of coming home and saying WOW look at my wife and that feeling of passionate butterflys I would get before intimacy. I have tried to hint at ways for my wife and I to spice up our sex life. I even have hinted at way she could change her dress or even exercise more to become more fit and I get in trouble more often than I get a positive response. Does anyone have any advice here for me? I do not want to do something that would hurt her or especially my kids. I love them very much but am losing trust in myself. I dont want to live the rest of my life feeling unhappy in my marraige.
 

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Hey Mark,

well I am not a women, but I can offer some advice. I have been married 12 years now, 3 kids, my wife is super hot as well.

Anyway, I want my wife in better shape as well, not that she is in bad shape, but she deifinately could use some help, as well as I can, I am no brad pitt. So a couple years ago I started working out to the book "new rules of lifting" My body has gone under a very nice change to where my wife and friends/neighbors drool over it, it feels "good" still not where I want to be, bu the improvement was there, so then I starting pestering my wife to get in better shape, to tone her muscles. My head got bit off, But then I talked her into letting me "coach her" I am building our own home gym and I bought eh book, "new rules of Lifting for women" which we are following for about 6 weeks now...the other day she looked in the mirror and said, "hey my tush looks pretty darn good, and I said Yep it looks great" So she is starting to feel good about herself. Now while this is great, usually I noticed the 3-4 week is the "hump weeks" were if you get passed those weeks, you keep working out your body wants to, plus eating better really is the key. But working her out has been good for her, because it's at home "not embarrasing at the gym" and I take vested interest in her body, plus the skimpy workout clothes help. hehe.

Now onto the "spice up part" we have done a few things, some things will work for you, some will not.

1. Date night, dress up and go out to a dinner, comedy club, dancing, something fun.

2. Role playing and costumes....you know School girl, Nurse, french maid, go to the website "3 wishes", good stuff there, my wife was reluctant at first...now she loves it.

3. adding to the role playing, we have done Private photo sessions as well as make our own "movies" for our own eyes.

4. Our craziest thing was we went to a swingers club, now we did not "swing" we kept to ourselves, but the erotic environment was a HUGE turn on for both of us and we had fabulous sex there, just being in a place like that was kinky enough for us and made us "wild" again. look into it, but you need to have a serious talk and set guidelines for each other first. My wife was very uncomfortable about going the first time, but I promised her I would do nothing with no one and we would just check it out, which is what happened and she wanted to go back, as long as we stayed with each other and no one else, which works for us.

Bottom line is you have to talk it over with your wife, you need to tell each other your fantasies and turn on's. What would spice it up for you?? Plus me and my wife are very comfortable with each other, She can say, that man is hot I WOULD "DO HIM" IE Brad Pitt, George Clooney, I can say the same thing about Heather Locklear or another actress. But neither one of us would get mad nor think of something.

Like the other day we were at Olive garden and we had a good looking male waiter, he was totally checking out my wife and flirting with her. When we left, I said joking around to my wife I am surprised you di not exchange phone numbers, she laughed and replied, "we did while you were in the bathroom" I said, so our three kids weren't a turn off for him? She said, Nope what man can resist a redhead?" I said, "well that is true"...had a laugh and went home.

Having fun and flirting is good for peoples ego's. Flirt and be playful with your wife, she will respond and do the same.

One of my favorite things my wife likes to do to me is, while we are at a party or some other function she will come up to me, whisper something naughty in my ear, maybe grab me in some sort of fashion or kiss me behind a door or something, somewhere impossible to "excute" the deed and she will walk away with a smile and a wink...well as a man you know I am thinking about it all night until I get the oppurtunity......But it works both ways, I have done it to her as well and makes for a fun "party" knowing your flirting with each other through the night.

I always tell people to be creative, have fun...be that naughty teenager you were a time ago.....the only thing stopping you...is simply you.

and your going to drift over to another women for what sex??? it's the same no matter who you end up with, why screw up a good thing, you're not going to find something "better"

Like today, was our 19th Anniversary of our "first date" my wife was out, and I put a card with Flowers on the table for her, she said to me..." oh you remembered!" Of course I did.

It's little things like that that keep things going, little sexy phrases, little tiny special occasions, etc. Flowers for no reason, etc.

it's up to you, you know what turns your wife on....use them...and the spark will come back
 

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Here's the problem -- everything GASoccerman said, while excellent, will only work IF THE WOMAN IS IN TO IT!!!! It sounds like if the OP mentions swingers club, role playing, or private photo sessions, he's going to get kicked in the face.

However, what does make a lot of sense is leading by example. He said that after he started lifting and seeing results, his wife got on board. Extrapolating here, she may have seen the positive change and decided she wanted it for herself as well.

If you try to force your wife to do things she doesn't want to do, then the best you can hope for is unwilling compliance -- that will just build resent and after a few years she'll probably leave. At worst, she'll just leave now.

Stay positive and work on yourself. Think of it this way -- if you are in great shape, it will be a LOT easier to hook that affair.
 

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Ok guys, I'm a woman who does all this and tries to get her husband to play along with the naughty dates, dirty text messages, games, costumes, everything and my husband absolutly will not play along. I am 32 he is 41 and there is a major gap is our sex drives. Whats wrong?
 

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I hear ya Precious. Im really happy for GAsoccerman, but dang am I jealous...
 

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Did you ever think that you just don't do it for her anymore either? If she was still into it then she would be dressing up and taking care of herself. I bet you guys are more in the same boat than you think. When I used to actually be sexually interested in my SO, I would always make sure that things stayed hot and that I was hot. Now, I could give a care less if I've even shaved. Before, I would make sure that I was shaved from head to toe before the deed.

I agree with all of the aforementioned ideas, but I just want to add that you need to put effort in to physically please her or get her revved again. It seems like it's just a bit too much about just you and your desires. I think that leading by example is one of the best ideas, also.
 
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