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Discussion starter · #21 ·
Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But she doesn't get help for it.
 
So you up the respect level by having that invigorating shower first thing. Your "job" right now is to find one and do everything a housewife does.

Then insist she go to a doctor because sex is important to bond and show love. She is not getting her needs met, either - hers are emotional. She is not motivated to seek out what hurts because she really just doesn't care about having sex with you.

So talk it out and fix both issues.
 
Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But she doesn't get help for it.
Because it's just an excuse to say, "No!"
 
Because you are not working, you have too much time on your hands to ruminate about nonsense.

I understand how hard the job market is right now. Maybe go to school or volunteer until you can find a job.
 
I believe that bringing a third person into your marriage, independently of the feelings you have for her/him, is the fastest way to implode a marriage.

How the hell is having an affair (even if your wife agrees with it, it is still an affair) supposed to save a marriage?

You made a commitment to honor your wife, when you got married. Talk to her! Don't tip toe around the problem. Be assertive and clear about your feelings and wants, and that they are not being met in the present. If she does not acknowledge you both have a problem, perhaps you should consider a definite resolution to your problem.
 
"the bottomline is that open-marriage requires high maintenance, only 15% of all marriages had it and the chances of sucess "unknown"" <------------ Based on which studies? Which data?

I have yet to find a happily married couple, that truly loves and respect each other, that would agree to such a thing. Happy and healthy couples don't have the need to find others to satisfy their needs, regardless of their nature.
 
I believe that bringing a third person into your marriage, independently of the feelings you have for her/him, is the fastest way to implode a marriage.

How the hell is having an affair (even if your wife agrees with it, it is still an affair) supposed to save a marriage?

You made a commitment to honor your wife, when you got married. Talk to her! Don't tip toe around the problem. Be assertive and clear about your feelings and wants, and that they are not being met in the present. If she does not acknowledge you both have a problem, perhaps you should consider a definite resolution to your problem.
:iagree:
 
Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But she doesn't get help for it.
If she doesn't respect you, she'll stop trying. Pain or not, if she respected you she would seek help and do what she could to make your sex life together better.

Finding you attractive is a huge component of her wanting sex. Without respect how does she do that?
 
Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But she doesn't get help for it.
Don't stop trying.
 
You know, it gives me pause to see posts like this of people choosing desperate measures to get their needs met, and YET are NOT bringing their A game in the first place.

If you're falling short somewhere and not meeting your SO or spouses needs, IMO you don't have any business making demands on them to meet yours.
 
And the predominant ethnic group in New Mexico is? NOT the Swedes.
Depends on where in the state you are. In some areas it is Mexican ancestry. In other areas it is decidedly Spanish, as in the Spanish conquistadores. It is a bad mistake to call one the other.

The third largest ethnic group for a while there was Californians as they abandoned their homeland in the 80's in search of affordable housing. ;)
 
Depends on where in the state you are. In some areas it is Mexican ancestry. In other areas it is decidedly Spanish, as in the Spanish conquistadores. It is a bad mistake to call one the other.

The third largest ethnic group for a while there was Californians as they abandoned their homeland in the 80's in search of affordable housing. ;)
You're mistaking "mestizo" for Mexican. Mexicans can be Indios, mestizos or pure, but along the valley they all went up the river from Mexico back in the day when it was Nueva España. Then they all became Mexicans in 1821. Pedantic Semantics.
 
After yet another night of no sex after she said we will, maybe I should ask my wife for an opened marriage. We are supposed to be people of faith. But I don't want to spend the rest of my days living a non sexual existence. Sexuality is such a fantastic thing. I can't believe I am living without it. I don't know if I should seriously ask her if she wants to have an opened marriage. She can let me get my needs me elsewhere while we both live under the same roof.
Putting aside the open marriage question for a moment let me just ask you this. What quality of woman do you expect to attract as a jobless man? What can you offer besides a d!ck? Women can get that anywhere.

As to the open marriage question, you say you are a religious man. You already know the answer to that question. If you don't then you're lying to yourself in more ways than one.

If you're truly unhappy, then file for divorce. But since you have no job, life won't be a picnic.

I'd say what you have to do is concentrate on finding a job. It's step 1 whether you want to rekindle attraction to you on your wife's part or whether you wan to D and play the field.
 
Because you are not working, you have too much time on your hands to ruminate about nonsense.

I understand how hard the job market is right now. Maybe go to school or volunteer until you can find a job.
Agree. The longer you are unemployed, it's less likely about you being lazy (not looking hard enough) or doing a bad job of marketing yourself and more likely about you having a skill set that is not in demand. The longer you stay unemployed, the worse your problem will be.

My gut says that your wife is pissed about you not having a job. But, she is not going to feel any better about you flipping burgers for $9 per hour - at least not for long. My advice: if you can afford it at all, make developing a marketable skill set your priority. That can mean going back to school, developing skills as a volunteer, or taking an entry-level job in a good company and trying to work your way up.

Taking a crap job just to get by should be your last resort. As I noted, your wife is not likely to see you much better with a crappy job. More importantly, you need to set yourself up for long-term success. You succeeding over the long term is in both your best interests. If your wife will not support a genuine effort to improve yourself and succeed long-term, you need to consider whether you will be better off without her.

I was laid off from a very good job and right away my ex was hounding for me to get a job - any job. I admitted I needed to improve myself, stuck to my guns, and built for my future by earning my MBA while continuing my job search.

It's a good thing I did. I got practically zero interest until I completed my degree. If I had caved back then, I'd still be serving lattes or delivering pizza. Instead, I have at least a decent job and good prospects for the future.

Again, consider her needs but not at the expense of your future. You must be able to count on yourself at some point and don't know if she will stick around (or whether you will want her) regardless of what you do.
 
Btw do keep in mind that an open marriage means she is free to hop on other d!ck as well.
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and there are a ton of guys that would like to help her out but probabaly not so for you.

most women can walk into a bar and with in 15mins be walking out with someone who would willing bang her. not so true for guys!!!!!
 
Your screen name says it all. You've lost confidence in yourself and your wife followed suit. There is no shame in being handed a chance for a new direction in life.

Look at your present situation for what it really is - a great chance to fearlessly take a new direction in your life.

You are a man of faith so I am sure you have prayed on this. In my opinion, you can't make a generic prayer, it has to be specific. God cannot help you if you don't have a plan.

You may not be able to get a job but you can research the type of education that would make you marketable, where your interest and talents are and what sector offers the best opportunity for career growth in this economy.

Be a man with a plan. If your wife does not follow you in your pursuit then you can rethink the relationship. But you have bowed to defeat where there is only opportunity. Life is actually good!
 
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