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As long as it is ok with the partner go for it. I might get annoyed if she turned on a vibe and woke me up, she would get annoyed if i turned on porn.

A Tempurpedic bed makes is very easy not to disturb your partner.
 

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As long as it is ok with the partner go for it. I might get annoyed if she turned on a vibe and woke me up, she would get annoyed if i turned on porn.

A Tempurpedic bed makes is very easy not to disturb your partner.
King she said that he didn't wake up, so clearly he had no idea! Maybe she didn't use the vibe ;-).

Well done Diwali, you're my hero!
 

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As a general rule, one partner could feel left out and resentful. I do not think that is a problem in Diwali123's case. Just need communication about the issue.
 

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Not cool. When my husband did this, waking me up, I realized his daily 5am habit of sneaking downstairs to satisfy his masterbation/porn addiction had escalated. He was now seeking a greater "high". It was a new low for him and proved to me just how much he disrespected me as a human being. it was as if he was smearing in my face, his constant refusal to have sex with me. He simply preferred his hand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
That's not an issue. I am the one who wants it all the time and he turns me down. I didn't use a vibe, just looked at him a lot.
I don't think he would mind because he's been sick and I got my period so I'm climbing the walls like an 18 year old male virgin. Except 18 year olds have privacy and lots of time to themselves......
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No issues in this marriage with that. Turns my H on.
 
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Well when he cums in like 5 minutes when we're having sex (once a month) then rolls over and goes to sleep, then yeah, on occasion I have taken care of business on my own right next to him while he was asleep. He wouldn't hear anything over his snoring anyway. :mad:
 

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Just reading this I'm blown away by the ladies who male partners
don't want to please them and make them happy.Not once have I
ever said not to my wife.There's nothing wrong, with mastubating
next to your spouse when there asleep.Its only wrong if your turning them down if they want sex.Pleasing yourself is preferable
to going out and cheating.
 

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Not cool. When my husband did this, waking me up, I realized his daily 5am habit of sneaking downstairs to satisfy his masterbation/porn addiction had escalated. He was now seeking a greater "high". It was a new low for him and proved to me just how much he disrespected me as a human being. it was as if he was smearing in my face, his constant refusal to have sex with me. He simply preferred his hand.
Its not cool in your situation I suppose but it is plenty cool in many healthy marriages without addiction or other issues present.

Some spouses including my wife and I find it a turn on. It certainly doesnt make us angry or give us feelings of disprespect toward each other.

I am sorry to read about your issues however. I can say in the past our drives were more mismatched and we had our own issues. During those times it was clearly more appealing to self serve than to run into an angry wall and an arguement when the goal was enjoyment and relaxation.
 

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Not cool. When my husband did this, waking me up, I realized his daily 5am habit of sneaking downstairs to satisfy his masterbation/porn addiction had escalated. He was now seeking a greater "high". It was a new low for him and proved to me just how much he disrespected me as a human being. it was as if he was smearing in my face, his constant refusal to have sex with me. He simply preferred his hand.
Woah....Did it for years, no addiction, just exreme High Drive...Never resorted to masturbation when the wife was willing and available...WHEN NOT, MY DRIVE WAS TOO INTRUSIVE TO ALLOW ME TO FOCUS ON WORK ETC....

At 66 I could still enjoy sex twice a day...Or more, My favorite is "Last night and again this morning"....Even a very high drive is not addiction......In 47 years I have NEVER refused my wife sex....In fact I offer it on a daily basis.....As her drive has lowered the hardest part is learning to take rejection in good spirits....

Lots of cuddling and together time helps.....

Have you ever ASKED why he prefers masterbation to sex with you?
 

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I have pulled it off a couple of times (pun intended) but if my wife was in bed with me she was almost always available for a romp...or two...I'm a lucky dude....:smthumbup:
 

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I couldn't resist this one. I have caught my ex wife unknowningly doing this while I slept. I have walked in on her doing this when she thought I was gone. I have discussed this in depth with therapist, Psychatrist, Minister, a few close friends, woman and men, that wouldn't get back to her. here is the consensus.
1. If you have offered to be with your partner and they have said no, not in the mood, ok. You ask them to watch, join, or participate. They have no room really to be angry, jilted, betrayed or jeaolus.
2. If you aren't involving them because you don't want them there, to know, etc. What are you visualizing while performing the acts.. Since you stated you wanted him, thought of him, probably he was tired, you just wanted some relief, then go to sleep. Very common with woman, some need privacy, it's normal for both sexes to do this after marriage, it's not a bad thing in moderation and how it's done. It can be healthy.
3. If we are doing this as a substitution for intimacy from or for our spouse, because of healt reasons, and you aren't willing to find work arounds.. flag to find some help. Resentments will probably build up
4. If your partnet, spouse finds you doing it, knows and is upset you aren't asking to be part of some of it, join in or what ever, again, flag. This is a wonderful chance at intemacy and doesn't have to be sex, but can be a lot of fun. My partnter didn't want me to know, be there, I would have loved to help her, i dind't have to have sex, just help pleasure her would be enough. She has issues, we aren't together anymore.
5. Look in the mirror. What are you doing. A little spicy fun, can be cool, ok and healthy. Talk to your partner see how they feel as others have said.
6. Because a partner is sick, getting older and not in the mood isn't rejection, it's change. We have to greave the losses and make lemonade. that is the vow we made. For better or worse. We can find things that do work. Get off our buts and do some research. They may be scared, feel guilty, or worse feel less of a man or woman because of an ill-ness that isn't allowing them to give what they want. I know. I am one of them. She didn't get it. didn't care. Moved on. That's ok now. her loss. I have so many other talents to give another person who will love what I have. take care and good luck.
 

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Never masturbated in bed while my wife is sleeping. Why would I when I can maybe have sex with her?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
He doesn't want to help me. He won't do anything unless it involves PIV.
In three years I can think of one time we have been sexual without PIV.
He is on the low end of normal for T levels and refuses to get on testosterone. Normally we do it two or three tImes a week which is great, but once in two weeks isn't enough for me.
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In my opinion, if he's not doing his part and you can have really honestly talked to him about your needs, been open. What about you tape yourself and show him? Say, do something really cool for yourself, but have fun, forget the camera, and show him what he's missing.. Men are stupid sometimes. I know. I am one of them. Some more than others. Find articles about mutual masturabtion, etc. If he's still going to be a dold, like my group has said, you do your part, your best and they still don't respond, enjoy what you do get, then have a blast with the rest. Why.... it's on them. record the conversation if you have to..LOL. But Hey, maybe catching you a few times will put a fire under his butt to do something about it. Good luck.
 

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I might get annoyed if she turned on a vibe and woke me up
Really? I sure as hell wouldn't get annoyed if she woke me up this way. I would get annoyed if she woke me up this way and then refused me. And I would get annoyed if I found out she did this without trying to wake me up.

I'm pretty sure my wife has never done this. But just the other day she woke up horny at 4AM. She layed there waiting for me to wake up and finally just went ahead and woke me at 5:30. She was climbing the walls by then.
 

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That's what I meant. Waking me up with with a Harley (aka magic wand) and not wanting me. Never happened. Just sayin, that would not go over well.

Congrats on having a good horny wife. Show off. :D
 
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