[diwali123]

I don't get it! I just don't. I see so many people posting about this and how they weren't sure what he/she was doing or didn't want to confront.
First off, how big is your bed that you can't tell what they are doing?
How do people have the gall to do this? are they hoping to get caught?
It's just so bizarre to me. And how do you do that without shaking the bed and making noise?
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[PHTlump]

Obviously people who will masturbate a foot or two away from another person aren't that concerned about being caught. I think it's just a passive-aggressive way of complaining about lack of sex. Kind of a, "look what I've been forced into," kind of action. What I really can't understand are the spouses who withhold sex and then get upset when the other partner masturbates.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Ya, I don't get it either. I can't imagine either of us ever doing this without it being part of sex together. I'm all for letting her know that I'm doing it as part of making a statement about my having needs. But to do it next to her with her trying to ignore it? No, not going to happen.

 

[kingsfan]

Obviously people who will masturbate a foot or two away from another person aren't that concerned about being caught. I think it's just a passive-aggressive way of complaining about lack of sex. Kind of a, "look what I've been forced into," kind of action. What I really can't understand are the spouses who withhold sex and then get upset when the other partner masturbates.

I agree with this.

My fiancee's ex-husband used to do this whenever she'd turn him down. It wasn't a withholding sex thing at first, he'd just do it whenever she said no, even if she had a reason.

As the relationship went downhill near the end I'm sure she was withholding sex, but the masterbation thing started well before that.

I think it's partly a "look what you forced me into" thing, and partly a "maybe if I start doing this she'll feel pity/sorrow/get horny and want to do me."

 

[CO_MOM]

I would be offended if I caught my husband doing this, but that is only because I would want him to wake me up to take care of it! Which I believe he would do, since we have had many 2 AM sessions! He says that I am the one that usually starts them, I guess if I do, its in my sleep.

 

[Snookums]

I think it may be a form of screaming for help to maybe show the other spouse the lack of attention they feel they are or aren't getting. When one is desperate sometimes they will try anything!

 

[Mavash.]

I think it's passive aggressive.

 

[Open up now let it all go]

IDK is this really such a bad thing. Im guilty of at least 2-3 times during the relationship. Sometimes I just need a release, eh?
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[Amplexor]

On who's part?

Interesting perspective on unmet needs.

Both. If she's passive, I masturbate aggressively.

 

[Zatol Ugot?]

I assume that the original post is referring to a scenario where the non-active partner is supposedly unaware of the masturbating partner.
I have never done this to my wife nor her to me. However, there has been several occasions where I wanted a release and my wife was not feeling up to anything but she was ok with me laying next to her and taking care of things myself. I like that scenario better than getting up and shutting the door to the bathroom. At least she is involved somehow.

 

[Snookums]

Both. If she's passive, I masturbate aggressively.

:rofl:

 

[donny64]

Wow, I may do this several times a month! W is sound asleep, neither of us initiated before hand, or she was just exhausted. She goes to sleep, and I somehow get horny to where sleep seems impossible. So I take care of it. I do try to avoid waking her, but am hiding nothing. There is no passive-aggressive reason behind it. Nothing more than being horny and wanting to take care of it and go to sleep.

The only angst she has with it is if she wakes up in the middle of it, she says I should have woken her so she could watch or take part! But, experience does tell me that she needs her sleep, so I try to avoid waking her.

Not once that I recall have I done it after being turned down. If she's tired, there's usually no time to initiate...she's OUT like a light in a minute! If she's not tired, I don't get turned down.

We're incredibly open with each other, so I don't find it strange at all. And it is certainly not passive aggressive or some kink I have. She's asleep, I'm horny, I take care of it if I can't sleep.
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[Open up now let it all go]

That too, beats any sleeping pill when there's rest needed for a hard day and you just can't friggin' fall asleep.
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[IndyTMI]

I have done this maybe a couple of times during our 13 years of marriage. She was aware of at least one of the occasions.
I know of one time where she was upset with me and she rubbed one out with me "sleeping" next to her. I didn't think much about it and probably rubbed one out myself the following morning.

 

[ATC529R]

I just could not do it. It's too humiliating to have to masturbate when your wife is right there and won't even give you any......how sad is that? talk about a boner killer.

 

[kingsfan]

I agree ATC529R. Makes you feel really inferior.

 

[Holland]

If we had a dysfunctional sex life then I would find it passive aggressive.

As it is our sex life is good, I don't care what time it is or how asleep I am, he can wake me up and I am happy to provide the release he needs.

 

[YinPrincess]

Ugh my ex would do this - and want me to watch. Uhm no.
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[russ101]

I could never do that in front of her, I would be too self concious. She did ask me recently if I masturbated (she never wants to have sex anymore, and we haven't done it in 4 months) and I replied "Of course I masturbate!, you don't want to have sex anymore. Its either masturbate or cheat. I have to get my needs met one way or another."
Her only reply was thats gross! Even though she used to masturbate often in her younger days! Go figure!

 

[LearninAsWeGo]

Ugh my ex would do this - and want me to watch. Uhm no.

It's just a male ego thing. Guys are always gonna have at least weekly solo sessions even if they're getting sex 10x a week. Most women I've met will also enjoy their rabbit or bullet from time to time also, but a lot less frequently. Everyone has different drive.

I agree going at it next to your sleepy spouse is probably a bit passive agressive and you have to have a comfort zone, but it all depends on the context of the relationship. In a long term trusting relationship, I think it's good, though. It shows your partner you're fantasizing about THEM and not some girl you saw at the mall or porn vid, and that's kinda hot to know your partner can't resist you.