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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am a heterosexual male, 25, in a relationship with an amazing sexy girl for about 1.5 years. We moved together after just 6 months into the relationships, as we are from different countries and this was the only way. Not that we regretted anything at all or anything, I just wanted to point out that we live together in spite the fact we haven't been together for a very long time.

I feel very happy in the relationship, and having lived together for a year now we do not have any problems with it. I feel I want to marry her later when our financial situation is more stable. I have only one problem, that is that I did not have any other sexual partners except for her. I was a fat guy trying hard to get girls, but I simply couldn't (my social skills are a bit lacking with women).

This is not the case for her, she had at least three other partners in her life that I know of. I never told her that she was my first, and I honestly think she didn't realise it. I may be wrong, but I think she still doesn't know it.
There are no problems with our sex life now, we both enjoy it but I have a much stronger sex drive and desire it more often. We had periods when we had sex everyday, and some days twice or even three times, and in those periods it happened once or twice a week she didn't reach climax, she said it was just too often for her, which sounds right, as now it reduced to about 2-3 sexy times a week (we are both too busy) and now she comes every time and quite fast. But this is a bit too few sexy times for me and I masturbate often. But what is the bigger problem is that I get horny when I see sexy girls on the street or at work.

I wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, but I did fantasize about other women while masturbating. It is not one particular woman, mostly people I see around work but I do not even know their names, or just any random girl I saw in the supermarket, or some people from the past, whatever.

It even happened that I imagined some other girl while we had sex, or when she gave me a blowjob. I think I could live my whole life with her I love her so much! She's also incredibly sexy (sometimes I don't know what she sees in me, but she is madly in love with me as well), and she would be a perfect mother for my children. But I am afraid of my curiosity about other women! I am sure that if I had sex before her with at least a couple of women, I would have no problems with marrying her at all. The sinister thoughts of having sex with some escort girls abroad or something crossed my mind, just to kill my curiosity, but when I imagine it I don't feel comfortable with cheating on her. Also, they say that girlfriends are the best chick magnets, which must be true because when I visited my home country in the summer (my girlfriend stayed here), two girls were practically hitting on me and I felt that they would be very easy to have sex with, but I wouldn't cheat.

I don't know what to do? I cannot tell her about this, because - ridiculously - the way she broke up with her ex-boyfriend was that he asked her to spend a few months of the relationship as an open relationship because he wanted to experience sex with some other women (which would possibly be a solution to my problem as well), and she couldn't take it and broke up with him. What should I do about it? Is it normal in a longer relationship to sometimes fantasize about others? Is it possible to live a happy life together suppressing these urges and desires for others? I have a strong willpower, and I could surely do it, but can you live happily like that?
Thank you for any answers.
 

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i

Is it normal in a longer relationship to sometimes fantasize about others? Is it possible to live a happy life together suppressing these urges and desires for others? I have a strong willpower, and I could surely do it, but can you live happily like that?
Thank you for any answers.
My answers to these questions are yes , yes and yes.
 

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1) You both need to openly reveal your pasts, including sexual history. Also any other important factors, traumas, financial disasters, criminal history, major health issues, family histories, and anything else which would be embarrassing or difficult if revealed later.

2) Having a mismatch in sexual history is a challenge. Do you think you can be happy with never sleeping with any other women for your entire life? This is not an issue of being right, wrong, moral, evil, etc. It is a simple matter of what is going to work for you as an individual. Some people are ok with your situation, which is fine. Some people cannot feel at ease in your situation, which is fine. You have to do what works for you.

I would suggest you do not stay with her out of a feeling of desperation that you will never find another good woman. Also don't stay with her out of some sort of obligation or to avoid hurting her. Only stay with her if it feels like a great match for both of you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hey Thor,

it does feel like a great match indeed, and I love living with her and spending time with her. I really think things are great and I consider myself lucky. I would as well say that the sex is very enjoyable, but then again, since I had no experience with anyone else, I have no basis of comparison.

Concerning your 2.) point, that is exactly what I am trying to find out in this topic, whether there are people having lived in a happy marriage for I don't know, 15-30 years with their first girlfriends? What are the experiences of people who did what I am going to do? Do people often find being eaten up by their desires 5 years into the marriage? Do people divorce? Do their relationship turn into a damaging one? Or are they happy?
I am interested in other people's experiences because I can't really answer your question if I could "be happy with never sleeping with any other woman" for my entire life, I do not have enough experience to answer that, and that is why I consider it useful to hear other people's voice in the matter.

Thank you.
 

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Any kind of open relationship is going to kill this one. You either have to commit to only her or you should end the relationship.

Fantasizing about other women is normal. Being attracted to other women is normal. It has nothing to do with you only having had sex with one woman, it is how you will be forever no matter how many partners you have.

So go ahead and erase it from your mind that you should feel guilty or worried that you think about other women. Your girlfriend should know that men think about sex a lot, so it is no secret to her. Just don't tell her details she doesn't ask about.

I am skeptical that she orgasms every time you two have sex, and that she does it quickly. Maybe she does, but it would be unusual. I think you should discuss with her what she likes and doesn't like. Ask her to show you or tell you how to do things better for her. Make sure she feels she can tell you anything without you feeling hurt about it.

Her pleasure is her responsibility. You may be putting too much emphasis on her orgasm, and she may know you are doing it, which makes her feel pressured to perform. Instead, you should be doing what you find fun and pleasurable for yourself. Be more selfish in bed, while also telling her you want her to actively seek out what she wants. That is, you want her to have a good time but it is up to her to be sure she actually does have a good time.
 

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How old are you and she? This is an important part of whether you are ready to settle down with one woman. Also, how many serious relationships have you had with women even though there was not sex? Did you do everything but piv sex with other women?

Does she talk about other boyfriends at all? Does she seem to be different with you than she was with her previous boyfriends? Would you describe her previous history to be quite normal? Does she answer your questions about her past with full open honesty or does she give slightly vague answers?
 
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