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Discussion Starter #1
Hello I’m feeling very lost… My husband died six years ago and I am exhausted single parent of two… There is a man who loves me deeply and wants to take care of me for the rest of my life… I am 55 years old… I’m too tired to date and so sick of working so hard to barely make ends meet.
Problem is I dont love him and am not attracted to him at all - almost repulsed actually. I break up with him and come crawling back when I hit financial stress again. I am tortured with this wondering if I can make it work somehow someway. He’s a good guy, even attractive but I can get on board with him. He is offering me such a sweet life ... why can’t I do this ?!
 

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I'm not inside your head.
Love is primarily an action in my world so I can't relate to what you have going on.

If he is attractive and a good catch, it really is something in you that is causing repulsion.

How do your children like him?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I'm not inside your head.
Love is primarily an action in my world so I can't relate to what you have going on.

If he is attractive and a good catch, it really is something in you that is causing repulsion.

How do your children like him?
My children are neutral about him - they miss their Dad and he can’t replace them. I agree that my repulsion is all ME - and could be reduced to my own trauma - this is why I don’t want to let it all go
 

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I do think it would be pretty mean and a big mistake if you married a man who you not only dont love, but who even repulses you. Marrying a man for money is wrong.
I get where you are coming from, I was a very hard up single mum of 3 for several years, and unless you have been there and done that you dont know how exhausting it is to be both mum and dad and to have to be the bread winner as well. However it would not be honest to make promises to him based on money alone. YIou need to love and be attracted to someone to live with them 24/7 and have sex with them.
Please be honest with him and tell him the truth.
 

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My children are neutral about him - they miss their Dad and he can’t replace them. I agree that my repulsion is all ME - and could be reduced to my own trauma - this is why I don’t want to let it all go
He shouldn't be looked at as a replacement for a lost family member but an addition to a family that needs him.

Does he have other family like an ex or children?
 

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You have options. Work more. We're all exhausted out here...not just you.

Leave this poor guy alone and let him find someone who actually RESPECTS him.
However being a single parent is far more exhausting than sharing the parenting.
 

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I do think it would be pretty mean and a big mistake if you married a man who you not only dont love, but who even repulses you. Marrying a man for money is wrong.
I get where you are coming from, I was a very hard up single mum of 3 for several years, and unless you have been there and done that you dont know how exhausting it is to be both mum and dad and to have to be the bread winner as well. However it would not be honest to make promises to him based on money alone.
I hope that the childrens dad is helping to support them.
Pleas be honest with him and tell him the truth.
Her husband died 6 years ago.

This man may be a good match for her.

She might just have some trauma from losing her husband.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I didn't say that. I just know you're not unique in feeling that way.
I know you didn’t say that but that’s how I feel about myself and that’s kind of what the World implies I am if I marry someone I don’t totally love… The thing is I’ve been in love lots of times and it’s not worked out… I generally have a bad picker and pick people who are not good for me to fall in love with… So a huge part of me wonders if this would be a better choice seeing that so many of those problems would be solved and eventually have a grow to love him and find him to be a good companion. I guess I just don’t trust that “in love feeling” anymore
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Her husband died 6 years ago.

This man may be a good match for her.

She might just have some trauma from losing her husband.
Thank you for saying that… I have a serious amount of trauma from losing my husband… I haven’t been able to feel anything for anybody… I don’t know if I ever will again… I almost feel like stepping into a relationship with this man will give me a security that I haven’t known and help me grow to love him
 

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I know you didn’t say that but that’s how I feel about myself and that’s kind of what the World implies I am if I marry someone I don’t totally love… The thing is I’ve been in love lots of times and it’s not worked out… I generally have a bad picker and pick people who are not good for me to fall in love with… So a huge part of me wonders if this would be a better choice seeing that so many of those problems would be solved and eventually have a grow to love him and find him to be a good companion. I guess I just don’t trust that “in love feeling” anymore
You can only "try" and pretend to love someone and not be repulsed by them for so long. He will find out and he will be crushed by it. You will ruin the man.

And it's not that you don't totally love him...it's that you are using him to get your ends met knowing he will take care of you for the rest of your life and offer you such a sweet life. Those are 2 different things altogether.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
He shouldn't be looked at as a replacement for a lost family member but an addition to a family that needs him.

Does he have other family like an ex or children?
He has a 30 year old daughter and absolutely adores my children. He and his ex have been divorced forever and are on good terms
 

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Discussion Starter #19
You can only "try" and pretend to love someone and not be repulsed by them for so long. He will find out and he will be crushed by it. You will ruin the man.

And it's not that you don't totally love him...it's that you are using him to get your ends met knowing he will take care of you for the rest of your life and offer you such a sweet life. Those are 2 different things altogether.
He already knows how I feel and thinks I will grow to love him eventually when I see how much he loves me and can be trusted
 
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