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I am a first time poster. Please forgive me if I break any forum rules. I am posting because of a terrible Thanksgiving trip to my in-laws' place in Los Angeles. My wife and her Mom have so much beef with each other because of things that have happened between them in the past, it's challenging and stressful being around them both at the same time. Here is the background;
My wife (Sam) has a female best friend (Judy), they were Lovers back a few years ago. Judy's husband was somehow involved and I never really wanted details as to what he was doing while my wide was sleeping with his wife. Judy, is my wife's main source of relationship advice for our relationship.
In addition, my wife has multiple ex boyfriends we are still social with. One of whom, (Bobby) can't help referencing their past, even when I am in the same room. My wife, thinks her ability to maintain friendships with these exs is part of her closure process and is proud of herself for finding something redeeming in these men after their relationships were done.
I was uneasily ok with all of this until about 16 months ago. Sam was preggers with our amazing daughter. I happened to walk into the room and catch Sam telling Bobby she Loved him before she got off the phone. Apparently, she did this with almost all of the exs. I only ever heard the one time. I flipped out. To be honest, had she not been 8 months pregnant with our daughter, I would likely have just left that night. I can't tell if that is an over reaction on my part to this day. Things have taken a gradual turn for the worse with how I see these people in our lives ever since.
The night before Thanksgiving this year, my wife and I are at her parent's place and things are going fine, other than weirdness with Sam and her Mom. Everyone starts drinking. Sam says something to me about not letting go of she and Judy's previous relationship. I begin depressed drinking, in the garage of all places. I come into the house and I don't remember how the big fight started or really what happened but apparently I told Sam's Mom that she had slept with Judy. This is bad for many reasons: 1. Her Mom had no idea her daughter ever liked girls (as a man raised by gay parents, I cannot believe I outed someone), 2. Referencing someone's sexual past with their parent is a **** move, 3. I, in general, betrayed my wife's trust on a foundational level.
The next morning the house was beyond tense. I stopped drinking, which hasn't been an issue. I made the best of the holiday but was and am clearly still in hot water with Sam and her family. I made an appt for counseling and a hipnotist (happening tomorrow).
My questions are:
1. Am I crazy to feel this uncomfortable with Sam's relationship with Judy?
2. Same question on all these exs, I count 8 of them.
3. How badly did I just mess up and is there a way back to happy or at least normal?
4. Beyond what I have already done, what are my next steps? I don't even know how to approach this conversation with my wife.
All thoughts are welcome and appreciated.
Thanks,
K
My wife (Sam) has a female best friend (Judy), they were Lovers back a few years ago. Judy's husband was somehow involved and I never really wanted details as to what he was doing while my wide was sleeping with his wife. Judy, is my wife's main source of relationship advice for our relationship.
In addition, my wife has multiple ex boyfriends we are still social with. One of whom, (Bobby) can't help referencing their past, even when I am in the same room. My wife, thinks her ability to maintain friendships with these exs is part of her closure process and is proud of herself for finding something redeeming in these men after their relationships were done.
I was uneasily ok with all of this until about 16 months ago. Sam was preggers with our amazing daughter. I happened to walk into the room and catch Sam telling Bobby she Loved him before she got off the phone. Apparently, she did this with almost all of the exs. I only ever heard the one time. I flipped out. To be honest, had she not been 8 months pregnant with our daughter, I would likely have just left that night. I can't tell if that is an over reaction on my part to this day. Things have taken a gradual turn for the worse with how I see these people in our lives ever since.
The night before Thanksgiving this year, my wife and I are at her parent's place and things are going fine, other than weirdness with Sam and her Mom. Everyone starts drinking. Sam says something to me about not letting go of she and Judy's previous relationship. I begin depressed drinking, in the garage of all places. I come into the house and I don't remember how the big fight started or really what happened but apparently I told Sam's Mom that she had slept with Judy. This is bad for many reasons: 1. Her Mom had no idea her daughter ever liked girls (as a man raised by gay parents, I cannot believe I outed someone), 2. Referencing someone's sexual past with their parent is a **** move, 3. I, in general, betrayed my wife's trust on a foundational level.
The next morning the house was beyond tense. I stopped drinking, which hasn't been an issue. I made the best of the holiday but was and am clearly still in hot water with Sam and her family. I made an appt for counseling and a hipnotist (happening tomorrow).
My questions are:
1. Am I crazy to feel this uncomfortable with Sam's relationship with Judy?
2. Same question on all these exs, I count 8 of them.
3. How badly did I just mess up and is there a way back to happy or at least normal?
4. Beyond what I have already done, what are my next steps? I don't even know how to approach this conversation with my wife.
All thoughts are welcome and appreciated.
Thanks,
K