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OP,
Your marriage was weak before do you really want to throw a skeleton into that closet? Honesty is crucial for her and for you. Think of the devastation if this OW comes out and tells your wife weeks, months or years from now. Do you hear "and you kept this from me all of this time?". It is of course your decision, as was the tryst, but my advice would be to read Marduk's post (17) and do exactly that and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Good fortune.
 

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You need to tell your wife and ASAP.

Nothing much more to say..you made vows and commitments and you broke them. Time to come clean and face the music. You owed her so much more but this is the minimum you have to give
This pretty much sums it up.

Sorry you are having to deal with this OP----you sound like 10 pounds of sad in a 5 pound bag.

To tell your wife or not...only you can decide. How long can you live with what you have done? Guilt, Remorse, the things we do...follow us for the rest of our days. The mistake has been made and that part is over....No need to dwell there -Now is all about what kind of man you want to be going forward.
 

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Put yourself in your wife's place; would YOU want to know if she had been screwing around with someone behind your back all this time? That she was "in love" with another man and he took up all of her thoughts and good feelings she had? She has a right to know what you have been doing all this time. She has a right to truly know the man she is married to. She has a right to make a choice to forgive you and work on the marriage with you and she has a right to leave you and find someone else. YOU have no right to take that choice away from her. If you don't tell her, imagine all the years and years of your continuing to betray her by not telling her and that is exactly what it would be: one big azz betrayal. Living with the thought of her finding out from someone else would most likely be pure hell for you. Think about that one.
 

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Put yourself in your wife's place; would YOU want to know if she had been screwing around with someone behind your back all this time? That she was "in love" with another man and he took up all of her thoughts and good feelings she had? She has a right to know what you have been doing all this time. She has a right to truly know the man she is married to. She has a right to make a choice to forgive you and work on the marriage with you and she has a right to leave you and find someone else. YOU have no right to take that choice away from her. If you don't tell her, imagine all the years and years of your continuing to betray her by not telling her and that is exactly what it would be: one big azz betrayal. Living with the thought of her finding out from someone else would most likely be pure hell for you. Think about that one.
:iagree:
 

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At the very LEAST, you need to tell your wife to get an STD test. You get one, too. You've been putting her in danger by having sex with her. The affair is one thing, but I have no words for your thoughtless mistreatment of your wife.
 

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Your wife has a right to know who she's married to and the risks she's taking having sex with you.

I know it's hard, but balancing between your shame and her right to know, well... her right to know wins.

So ready yourself. Sit down, and write out a complete timeline of what happened. Be honest. As much detail as you can stand. Write what you were feeling, why you opened yourself up to it, and how you feel about it now. Put it in an envelope.

Also be open to the possability that she already knows. She at least know's something's up, right?

Sit her down in a place where she can rant and rave and you won't be interrupted. Tell her that you have something to tell her, something bad, but she deserves to know the truth. Tell her you've been having an affair and why. Give her the envelope to read if she wants the details.

And offer her a divorce that is as painless as possible if that's what she wants, or offer her your undying remorse and commitment to work on the marriage if that's what she wants, and you feel you're capable of that. Let her make her own choice, and give her the time to do that.

Leave immediately if that's what she wants (at least move out of the bedroom and make yourself scarce). Be ready and available anytime she wants to contact you. Be 100% open and transparent with everything, give her your email, phone, facebook passwords. Give her your plans and whereabouts at any time if that's what she wants.

And, please, dump the other woman. Even if your wife leaves you, it's not gonna work.
This just needs to be repeated. Nothing to add because the bases are covered but I will chime in that your wife needs to know.

You actually need her to know.
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Let me guess, you actually think this could work out because you are having sex, laughing and having a good time just like you and your wife did before life got real? Dude, you leave your wife for this woman and it will get real eventually too then you end up with your wife remarrying and having to deal with that. Your kids will be torn between you and your wife and you will have custody issues. Your wife will be hurt from the betrayal and she will want it made known to family, including your children how wrong you have done her. Your focus: sex See any problems with this?? Get real, dump the affair, start seeing a counselor so this doesn't happen again.
 

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Can you honestly say that the sex with the affair partner in parked cars in public was better than the sex with your wife?
 

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Fobidden fruit is always exciting .

Your wife and kids will be paying the price for your stupidity and selfishness .

They will despise you .
 

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I don't understand how anyone in a great marriage could cheat so easily.

I just don't buy the "just sex" argument. OR "the thrill of the chase". A man or woman who really loved their wife would not cheat on them. I think you will cheat on your wife again with the same woman or another woman down the road.

If I truly love someone, I don't of haven't had the slightest urge to cheat on them, exchange numbers, meet with them, talk to old flames.....

I love new things, new places, exciting adventures, sex........ But while with someone I care about, I only have eyes for that person.

I don't know about telling your wife. Yes, in a perfect world, you probably should but I know I could not do it myself. I am a coward when it comes to an uncertain outcome of something so important.

BUT, if you're going to continue to cheat, please divorce your wife. It truly is the lowest, worst thing you can do to another human being that is supposed to be your best friend.

Can I ask why you came to this site? Are you feeling guilty? Do you really want to stop?

You can't think you are the only man this woman seduces...?? She obviously gets off on picking up and screwing married men. ALSO, she may be a crazy bunny boiler and that would really fvck up your world (and your family's). It's a really stupid thing to do.

If you must continue, don't be selfish, be divorced.
 

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For whatever reason, my "Spidey Sense" is yelling at me here. But whatever, I'll push that aside for now and give you the honest and forthcoming advice that you requested...

Stop being a f*cking d**chebag. End your affair -- immediately and permanently. Your wife can assist w/ this once you've confessed your infidelity to her, which you absolutely should do. After all, she deserves to know that you've been stepping out on her, IN ADDITION TO the fact that you've put her health at risk by choosing to engage in sexual activity outside of your marriage.

And besides, OW is likely playing you anyway. And even if she's not, all you'll have won in any sort of continued relationship w/ her is a woman willing to f*ck another woman's husband. Yippee.

Oh, and then there's this...

"If they'll cheat WITH you, they'll cheat ON you."

Should your wife agree to the reconciliation of your marriage, work in earnest to repair the damage wrought by your entitled, inconsiderate, short-sighted, and juvenile behavior. Should she opt for divorce, do your best to work toward a fair, amicable divorce.

And at every turn, be a better man than you've been, a better husband than you've been, AND A BETTER FATHER than you've been.
 

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You're an idiot
 

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Mans advice here: That woman will not work out in the end. She's an infatuation to you. And she's knowingly dating a married man. Is that the type of woman you want to be with?

You are lucky if you've ended this and just stay away from her is best bet. Delete anything and everything about her and don't look back.

Fix your marriage and what ever is wrong with it or end the marriage. An affair partner will end up as a messed up relationship plus you'll need to recoup from leaving your wife, etc. Divorce in most cases is a very emotional process especially with kids around.
ditto on that.

As a married man you're a safe bet - no real risk of involvement. She can daydream all she likes. As soon as it stops being fun, she'll pull away, even if she doesn't tell/show you.

Seduce your wife. join a club and be a fun person (so competitive level club is out). go dancing again - or learn if you haven't.

dont put your wife through it. and find someone other than your wife for emotional and home support - she won't think you're dreamy and be your rock at the same time.
Good chance when things are lighter between the two of you, the fun and sex will come back.
 

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Good evening
I think people mostly cheat because there is something that they want in their marriage but can't have. What is it for you? It is sex? Affection? Respect? Excitement?

What did you have with this other woman that you don't with your wife.

Then you have to figure out how to get it at home, because if you don't, I think you will cheat again.
 

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I think it is really selfish . Now your wife and kids have to carry that burden to forgive n forget n heal .

Things will never be the same .
 

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Just a quick bit of advice from someone who has walked a similar path as you and learned the hard way.

1. Do not lie to your wife. She deserves the the truth if nothing else. This is most important. No matter what else you do, do this.

2. Feelings and being in love are exciting but they don't last forever. They can come back though after they're gone.

3. Love makes a marriage work. Love is very hard work. It's an important investment. I wish someone had told me this years ago.

4. Decide what you want. I would not encourage you to stay with your wife out of obligation. But, see point 3. If you had told me almost 2 years ago that I would still be married to the same woman today I probably would not have believed you.

5. Accept the consequences. No matter what, there will be consequences. Your family can despise you for a little while, or they can despise you forever. That hinges on how you handle this situation. WARNING: Consequences are not pretty.

6. Learn how to communicate in your marriage. Whether in this marriage, or the next, you will have to learn this and your wife will have to learn with you. You must have good, honest, open communication for success.

7. Seek counselling from a good marriage counsellor. You need to understand why the affair happened and what you can do to prevent yourself from winding up in that position again. Do this for yourself even if you and your wife choose not to stay married. It's worth it.

8. Get an STD test. Yes, it's embarrassing. It's also better than being dead or very ill or being responsible for making someone else that way. Get one even if you used protection.

9. Affairs are not a good foundation for a stable relationship. It won't work. The other woman knows this as much as you do. She is letting her feelings govern her actions as much as you are. Put logic back on the table. Be ready to fight, it may come to that.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience. When you start to break down the lie that you've built, it hurts; not just your wife, you'll feel the pain too [like getting hit by a train] but it hurts her more than anyone. If you don't want to be with her, don't, but be honest. If you do want to be with her, work towards that, knowing that she may not want to be with you and you can't control what she wants, but be honest.
Do right. It's worth it in the long term.

I wish you the best of luck. My advice may not have been as quick as I claimed, but I wish I had had someone to give me sound advice when I needed it most.
 
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