I feel so lost and I don't know what to do. I have been with my husband for 13 years and have dealt with his lies since day 1. This is my first marriage and my husbands third. He cheated on both of his previous wives. He told me all about the issues and told me that he had changed and that he had prayed that he could find a good woman and if he could find one that he would change his ways. I thought that since he was telling me these things that maybe he actually had changed. When we were dating I caught him cheating on me but he denied it and I chose to forgive him as he was not going to admit to it. I then found emails that he had been writing to the woman that he had cheated on with the previous wife. He said that they were just friends and said that he would stop all communications with her. He did stop for a couple of months. I then found phone bills with her phone number on them and again he said that she started calling him and that he would stop but he never did. I finally decided to go see a counselor to try to deal with my feelings and he told me to just not think about it so I tried that. But it has just gnawed at me for the last several years. Now, whenever I ask him if he has had any communication with her he tells me that he hasn't but that's not true. I found that he created a secret email account where they are writing each other back and forth. They also chat on a chat board on a daily basis. She sends him pictures of her in lingerie and they both tell each other how much they love each other and how much they want to be together. They are now planning on meeting (she lives in another city). This is breaking my heart. When I confront him he tells me that I am crazy and that he is not talking to her. He then starts a fight with me so that we never get to resolve the issue. I just don't know what to do anymore. This woman is married too. When I read the emails that he writes to her I have noticed that he is not being honest with her either. I have lost all trust in him. I think I am basically staying with him for convenience now. In general he takes good care of me. He makes sure that all of my needs are taken care of. All except what I need the most, his faithfulness and love. All I want is for him to be truthful and honest with me. Does anyone know why he would not want to be honest with me? We get along very well. We own our own business and our lives are very blessed in every other way that is why I don't understand what is going on here. I hate the thought of divorce but I cannot get him to be honest with me. Please help me figure out how to make him open up to me and just be honest with me. I don't understand why if he loves me as he says he does that he is telling this other woman that he loves her too and that he talks about marrying her. It is so strange reading the things that he is saying to her because he is not being upfront with her either. I know that she knows about me because she has called our business before and I've answered. I've also seen some of the emails where he has mentioned me. Any advise would greatly be appreciated. If I need to clarify anything please don't hesitate to ask. Also, I apologize in advance for rambling on! Thank you so very much!!!