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Please go back and count the number of I's, Me's, and My's in your original post. You sound more like 22 than 32. Co-worker is most beautiful you have ever seen, flirtyish, and touchy-feely. I'm wondering if you will ever grow up?

It is normal to be attracted to outstanding women, but not to day-dream about moving your EA to a PA. What if she gains a few pounds, gets an illness, has an accident? Will the next hot thing ascend your possibility list?

I'm feeling angry for your wife--a confident, intelligent, alpha woman and with looks to match. I'm thinking she deserves someone who truly, deeply loves and likes her and who is not shopping for heart-beating faster, greener pastures.
 

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Discussion Starter #23 (Edited)
Hi All,
Sorry for remaining silent, I've taken the time to reflect on all your comments before posting. Since moving departments (in the same building) I have regained my old self, there aren't any problems at home, I adore my wife, and I have remained faithful in our relationship, I'm not a cheat, I think I fell for this girl and removing myself from the situation has definitely helped. Recently, however, this girl has been venturing into my department and hovering near my desk, I've observed this behaviour, and it's happened far more than I would deem as normal, I think she misses the attention, she also prolongs her eye contact when I catch her out. I will have to interact with her on a big project soon, so I'm not sure how to approach this now without it being visible to everyone there is a problem. I honestly don't know what game she is trying to play - it feels like emotional torture and mixed messages; considering her last message to me, perhaps I was infatuated by her, but I've now taken steps to distance myself, what should I do?
 

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Hi All,
Sorry for remaining silent, I've taken the time to reflect on all your comments before posting. Since moving departments (in the same building) I have regained my old self, there aren't any problems at home, I adore my wife, and I have remained faithful in our relationship, I'm not a cheat, I think I fell for this girl and removing myself from the situation has definitely helped. Recently, however, this girl has been venturing into my department and hovering near my desk, I've observed this behaviour, and it's happened far more than I would deem as normal, I think she misses the attention, she also prolongs her eye contact when I catch her out. I will have to interact with her on a big project soon, so I'm not sure how to approach this now without it being visible to everyone there is a problem. I honestly don't know what game she is trying to play, perhaps I was infatuated by her, but I've now taken steps to distance myself, what should I do?
Tell your wife about it. That way you will be motivated to knock that crap off. If you just try to regulate yourself and keep yourself accountable, you are going to fail.

Choice #2, change jobs.
 

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Tell your wife about it. That way you will be motivated to knock that crap off. If you just try to regulate yourself and keep yourself accountable, you are going to fail.

Choice #2, change jobs.
You might dishonestly begin the conversation with "You know, a woman at the office who was flirting with me reminded me of just how lucky I am to have married you." And then live up to those words. If your wife asks questions, answer them truthfully. There's something in your DNA that she needs to be made aware of, and watch for. With both of you working at this, things can work out. Just make very sure this is the woman of your dreams (you WIFE) and that you're going to be spending the rest of your life with her, before thinking about bringing a kid into the equation.
 

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Well....I have to give you credit for returning to your post as well as seemingly coming to your senses......Now do the right thing going forward
 

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As a wife who constantly doubta her husband is still attracted to her because she has "gained a bit of weight" over the years. I am now pregnant and that has made my emotional turmoil with my weight even worse.

Your original words are everything I have nightmares about going through my own husband's head.

You need to sort out the way you view your wife. Remember why you fell in love and married her. Go out of your way to make her feel beautiful and maybe she will-in your eyes- be so again.
 

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I went through something similar at work. A female colleague was very hot and sexy and we had been friends for years.

We could have taken it further but we didn't.

The end.
He says he is attractive.

If he were that attractive, he would be used to attention.

It reads more like he identifies himself as attractive and is leaping on the validation that he does not get anywhere else (including the mirror).
 

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Hi All,
Sorry for remaining silent, I've taken the time to reflect on all your comments before posting. Since moving departments (in the same building) I have regained my old self, there aren't any problems at home, I adore my wife, and I have remained faithful in our relationship, I'm not a cheat, I think I fell for this girl and removing myself from the situation has definitely helped. Recently, however, this girl has been venturing into my department and hovering near my desk, I've observed this behaviour, and it's happened far more than I would deem as normal, I think she misses the attention, she also prolongs her eye contact when I catch her out. I will have to interact with her on a big project soon, so I'm not sure how to approach this now without it being visible to everyone there is a problem. I honestly don't know what game she is trying to play - it feels like emotional torture and mixed messages; considering her last message to me, perhaps I was infatuated by her, but I've now taken steps to distance myself, what should I do?
Good man!

I suspect you are not used to this. Fideltiy can be easy for many young men and you are pleased to get married and then get a secure partner. The struggle comes later and it turns out it can be hard.
 

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Hi All,
Sorry for remaining silent, I've taken the time to reflect on all your comments before posting. Since moving departments (in the same building) I have regained my old self, there aren't any problems at home, I adore my wife, and I have remained faithful in our relationship, I'm not a cheat, I think I fell for this girl and removing myself from the situation has definitely helped. Recently, however, this girl has been venturing into my department and hovering near my desk, I've observed this behaviour, and it's happened far more than I would deem as normal, I think she misses the attention, she also prolongs her eye contact when I catch her out. I will have to interact with her on a big project soon, so I'm not sure how to approach this now without it being visible to everyone there is a problem. I honestly don't know what game she is trying to play - it feels like emotional torture and mixed messages; considering her last message to me, perhaps I was infatuated by her, but I've now taken steps to distance myself, what should I do?
Not sure why everyone is "congratulating" you because your situation really hasn't changed at all.

You 'adored' your wife and hadn't cheated on her in your first post too, except now, you're just no longer mentioning the fact that her weight is a problem for you because everyone came down on you for using that as an excuse to play grab ass with your work 'friend.'

Nothing's changed and you're still playing cat and mouse with Miss Thang even though you claim you've 'distanced' yourself from her. Yet, you're still clearly dancing around the pit with her.

You ain't foolin' me.
 

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Hi All,
Sorry for remaining silent, I've taken the time to reflect on all your comments before posting. Since moving departments (in the same building) I have regained my old self, there aren't any problems at home, I adore my wife, and I have remained faithful in our relationship, I'm not a cheat, I think I fell for this girl and removing myself from the situation has definitely helped. Recently, however, this girl has been venturing into my department and hovering near my desk, I've observed this behaviour, and it's happened far more than I would deem as normal, I think she misses the attention, she also prolongs her eye contact when I catch her out. I will have to interact with her on a big project soon, so I'm not sure how to approach this now without it being visible to everyone there is a problem. I honestly don't know what game she is trying to play - it feels like emotional torture and mixed messages; considering her last message to me, perhaps I was infatuated by her, but I've now taken steps to distance myself, what should I do?
You make the decision in advance that you will not respond to her. You will keep it professional and not allow yourself to work or be alone with her. Please don’t forget that if this ended badly, Human Resources could be dragged into it. Not good. You are being paid to work, not f*ck.

There is a song I heard 30 years ago that is still true today

The human heart is easily swayed
And often betrayed at the hand of emotion
You dare not leave the outcome to chance
You must choose in advance
Or live with the agony
Such needless tragedy

Guard your heart
Don’t trade it for treasure, don’t give it away
Guard your heart
As a payment for pleasure, it’s a high price to pay
 

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Tell your boss you are concerned abou this woman. Save all communication with her. She sounds like a predator. She has no ego in that sense so your ignoring will only make her try harder ....... so that she will have something to complain about to management.
 

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Recently, however, this girl has been venturing into my department and hovering near my desk, I've observed this behaviour, and it's happened far more than I would deem as normal, I think she misses the attention, she also prolongs her eye contact when I catch her out. I will have to interact with her on a big project soon, so I'm not sure how to approach this now without it being visible to everyone there is a problem. I honestly don't know what game she is trying to play - it feels like emotional torture and mixed messages; considering her last message to me, perhaps I was infatuated by her, but I've now taken steps to distance myself, what should I do?
It sounds like she's provoking you and she's noticed your distance, therefore she's doing the "chase" now.
Feels like she wants to "win" by getting what she wants with you. I read this as a woman-trap.
 

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Tell your boss you are concerned abou this woman. Save all communication with her. She sounds like a predator. She has no ego in that sense so your ignoring will only make her try harder ....... so that she will have something to complain about to management.
While that might be partly truthful, it's also potentially harmful to her career, and his earlier actions definitely helped to lead her on, or at least make it seem he was comfortable or appreciative of what she was doing.

I think he needs to go to his boss and explain that there's an awkward work situation that was created by *both* parties, that he is at least equally at fault, and that he'd appreciate it if it could be arranged they not work together.
 

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A change of venue for one of you is needed. I hope your efforts are really being steered towards your wife. Remember what I said in an earlier post, look for the beauty in front of your face. Yes there are farts warts and soon to be wrinkles, but do you think your crush or for that matter yourself won’t fall victim to the ravages of time.

Hold on to the one that will last long term with love. It’s worth it in the long run. it’s a simple case of infatuation vs love, infatuation wont win and you lose big time. Stay the course!

OT
 

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It might be that OP has been spoiled by a good life, good career, good house, good finance, a good wife and has somewhat started taking these for granted, thinking they'll always be there while he could enjoy some spicy part-time adventure.

The thought for sure is thrilling, but the reality might turn out to be very negative for you, OP. It's true, it might change the dynamic of your life ... but for worse. Like the grass which looks greener on the other side, until you walk on it to feel more disappointed than ever before!
 

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Hmmmm....

I’d be carful reporting this woman. Your initial story coupled with this climate may end up with you fired. I mean I find it interesting you notice what she is “missing” yet, you still haven’t accepted your own responsibility in this mess.

I mean once again, she is torturing you. If there was nothing on your side, there would be no feelings, let alone torture. Sorry, you have done nothing but blame shift to me.
 
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