Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 127 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm going to try to keep this as succinct as possible.

I'm married, and have been for nearly 13 years. We have one 6 year old son. We got married very young, for many of the wrong reasons. But we made it work.

About 8 months ago, I met an amazing woman. We were on vacation (me with my wife, her with her husband) and it so happens we live an hour apart. We spent only 5 or 6 hours in each other's company, but it kick started a relationship.

Fast forward to now. We've been seeing each other. We are in love. Both of our marriages are quite platonic, but what we have is deep, passionate. We are kindred spirits. Quite literally twins. The similarities between us are quite uncanny. I've only known her for a few months, but it feels like I've known her forever. We haven't had sex. We've kissed, hugged and just lay together, listening to each other breath. We are crazy about each other.

We've talked about if/how/when we leave our spouses and see if we could make "us" work. She also has a child, same age as my son. My son is the only reason I haven't left my wife yet. I know the hurt this will cause him.

I'm not looking for advice. I know most of you will tell me to let the new girl go. I'm looking for feedback.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,177 Posts
You have two options: fix your marriage, or end it. The first doesn't sound likely to work unless you can truly commit to that option, end the affair, and actually do love your wife and can see that it's possible to be IN love with her again. The second gives you options. And you can still be a good father if you choose option 2.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Mr.Fisty

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,695 Posts
What sort of feedback? You are having an affair. Whether or not it's gotten full contact sexual.

How on vacation with your wife did you randomly find this woman and have such a deep conversation? Why weren't you with your wife? When are you finding the time now to sneak around with this other woman? Why aren't you at home being a father to your son?

How do you feel about blowing up your home and possibly losing or having limited time and contact with your son for your new soul mate?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
546 Posts
You can never have it both ways and it's just a matter of time before both your spouses find out and you both end up with nothing. Affairs are just distractions and never turn into anything substantial. Be careful, before you destroy two families.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Starstarfish, I was playing volleyball. My wife doesn't play volleyball, so she was in a hammock nearby, reading and watching the game. I met new girl when she and her husband came onto the court to join the game. After the game, we grabbed a drink at the bar and started chatting - her, her husband and I. It was perfectly innocent. After dinner, we met as couples and chatted all for the remainder of the evening. The next day, my wife and I went home.

Now, we both have the same career, and it's overlapping a little. We're also mutually involved in other extra-curricular activities where we see each other at. Aside from that, we've found a few times to grab a coffee or lunch together. Aside from that, not much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,335 Posts
Starstarfish, I was playing volleyball. My wife doesn't play volleyball, so she was in a hammock nearby, reading and watching the game. I met new girl when she and her husband came onto the court to join the game. After the game, we grabbed a drink at the bar and started chatting - her, her husband and I. It was perfectly innocent. After dinner, we met as couples and chatted all for the remainder of the evening. The next day, my wife and I went home.



Now, we both have the same career, and it's overlapping a little. We're also mutually involved in other extra-curricular activities where we see each other at. Aside from that, we've found a few times to grab a coffee or lunch together. Aside from that, not much.

And from that you're in love? LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
woundedwarrior, is it fair to say that affairs never turn into anything substantial? This is more than what the 37,000,000 AM users were looking for. We didn't go out looking for an affair. We fell in love. We connected as friends, and before we knew it, we were in love. Simply said, right now, I'd rather spend my life with her as a eunuch than spend my life with my current wife and pretend to love her, with the sex.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
We talk every day. We've vacationed together with our families. The cuddle time has happened at night, after work, or the extra curricular event, we'll find an hour just to "be" together. I said I was being succinct. I'm leaving out the details.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,695 Posts
What are you hoping to hear here? That your affair is justified because you are "really in love"? The fact you two are parading it in front of your spouses and kids is even worse.

You two really love each other? Divorce and marry each other. And accept the consequences of that decision.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,363 Posts
We talk every day. We've vacationed together with our families. The cuddle time has happened at night, after work, or the extra curricular event, we'll find an hour just to "be" together. I said I was being succinct. I'm leaving out the details.
TRAIN WRECK ALERT!!!!! Warning!!! Warning Will Robinson!!! DUDE
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
615 Posts
You are in the land of rainbows and unicorns right now. How well do you really know this woman? You do not have to deal with her day-to-day, you do not have to make any compromises, hard decisions about finances, child-rearing, house maintenance, sexual proclivities. You have created a fantasy about her which may or may not be true.

Before you destroy 2 families, do your very best to date your wife, meet each other's needs, and consciously try to remember what attracted you in the first place. If after a period of trying, say 6 months to a year, you still feel the same way, then initiate divorce. You can leave knowing that you tried everything, and you can tell your son that the marriage grew stale and you had to be honest and end it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
193 Posts
Think back to how you and your wife were when you 1st started dating. Remember how infatuated you were with her? How you could see past any little hang up she had?


That's you all over again, just with a different woman.

You're in the honeymoon phase with the new gal. Which can soon wear off....... You are to blinded by your infatuation for her to be open minded about your affair and possibly see it for the disaster it really is.


Or you may have just found the true love of your life.

Only you can determine which option is right for you. But for Christs sake, man up and either end the affair or get a divorce.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,211 Posts
thegenericjournal;13513970 Quite literally twins.[/QUOTE said:
I'm "quite literally" a twin. You are not. You are just a silly man in a fog, "in love" with a silly woman in another fog.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
135 Posts
So she's your twin? you are in love with yourself. Get your eyes off you and put them back on the family you made and should be committed to. Or, if you really "love" her then end your marriage YESTERDAY and move on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,155 Posts
So if you get caught what is the worst that can happen.

You are in a platonic relationship with your wife, so I guess there is no emotional or physical bond. Big deal. Do whatever you want. Its fine.

Everyone wants to judge you on their moral compass. Its ok to have your own moral compass.

The only challenge is how will you face yourself everyday because you are living a lie.
 
1 - 20 of 127 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top