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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi

I am 31 years old I have been married to my wife who is 30 for 6 year and we have not had sex in 4 years. She has NO sex drive what-so-ever. I want to have sex with my wife but she has absolutely no interest. She never gets horny, she never wants to be touched, and she refuses to even let me touch her. I mean we can’t hold hands, hug or kiss. She will hug and kiss our kids but not me.

This start as soon as she got pregnant with our 2nd child. I thought it was just a pregnant thing and I was ok with it, but 4 year on and she is the same. The hardest part is that we are young and I don’t know if I can spent my whole life not having sex, but the only person I want to have sex with is my wife.

We have 2 kids. I work 5 days a week and she works 2 days and she looks after the kids the other 3. We both have weekend off work. When i say looks after the kids, she gets them ready for school breakfast etc and picks them up when school finishes.

We've done counselling and she makes excuses and provides a million reasons why she doesn’t want sex in our marriage or why it doesn’t happen. She is happy in choosing to ignore sex.

The lack of intimacy in our marriage has led to many arguments between us. When we do talk about she says there is nothing I can say she hasn’t heard before.

Yet she does tell me that she loves me she just don’t want sex.

We are both healthy. She must weigh about 11 stone and I weight about 13 and a half stone. We have never cheated on each other. Before it started she loved sex and we did it 2 time a week minimum.

I have even had the snip to get her to have sex with me but it did not work. She said she does not want any more kids and she was worried that she may get pregnant again
 

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Tell us more about your life. Just one kid? Which of you works? Give us more to go on, is there any reason that you haven't left already?
 

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You need to write a longer post about your life with her.

Medical problems-her
Possible affair-would you have any reason to believe she is cheating
Your health/are you overweight


That's just insane not to have no sex for 4 years. At my worst time in marriage (5 years ago) sex was twice a month. And I was overweight.
Basically you are just friends. I don't judge anyone but if you are both ok with that then good. But I sense you are not happy.
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Oh boy, thing is most all healthy women enjoy sex.

Don't take this the wrong way because I'm not trying to put you down at all but if she says she does not like sex she is saying that she does not like sex with "you".

Was it always this way. Even before marriage?
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Well if you want sex tell her you are a man, and as a man you need sex. Tell her she has 3 options: Divorce, mistress, or put out. Be prepared to follow thru. And be prepared for duty sex if she goes that route.
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Strong advice here. Ask her point blank if there's anyone or anything that turns her on whatsoever. The difference between YES and NO to that question makes all the difference in how you treat it.

Good luck
-seahorse


Oh boy, thing is most all healthy women enjoy sex.

Don't take this the wrong way because I'm not trying to put you down at all but if she says she does not like sex she is saying that she does not like sex with "you".

Was it always this way. Even before marriage?
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Well if you want sex tell her you are a man, and as a man you need sex. Tell her she has 3 options: Divorce, mistress, or put out. Be prepared to follow thru. And be prepared for duty sex if she goes that route.
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I am worried that she would call my bluff and say Divorce. I still love her so she knows i wont leave her. If i did leave her I may not get to see the kids every day.
 

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Strong advice here. Ask her point blank if there's anyone or anything that turns her on whatsoever. The difference between YES and NO to that question makes all the difference in how you treat it.

Good luck
-seahorse
I have aked this question and she said that no one turns her on.
 

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I am worried that she would call my bluff and say Divorce. I still love her so she knows i wont leave her. If i did leave her I may not get to see the kids every day.
Thats why I said be prepared to follow thru. If you are going to stay with her get lots of porn and plenty of tissues.
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Hi

I am 31 years old I have been married to my wife who is 30 for 6 year and we have not had sex in 4 years. She has NO sex drive what-so-ever. I want to have sex with my wife but she has absolutely no interest. She never gets horny, she never wants to be touched, and she refuses to even let me touch her. I mean we can’t hold hands, hug or kiss. She will hug and kiss our kids but not me.

This start as soon as she got pregnant with our 2nd child. I thought it was just a pregnant thing and I was ok with it, but 4 year on and she is the same. The hardest part is that we are young and I don’t know if I can spent my whole life not having sex, but the only person I want to have sex with is my wife.

We have 2 kids. I work 5 days a week and she works 2 days and she looks after the kids the other 3. We both have weekend off work. When i say looks after the kids, she gets them ready for school breakfast etc and picks them up when school finishes.

We've done counselling and she makes excuses and provides a million reasons why she doesn’t want sex in our marriage or why it doesn’t happen. She is happy in choosing to ignore sex.

The lack of intimacy in our marriage has led to many arguments between us. When we do talk about she says there is nothing I can say she hasn’t heard before.

Yet she does tell me that she loves me she just don’t want sex.

We are both healthy. She must weigh about 11 stone and I weight about 13 and a half stone. We have never cheated on each other. Before it started she loved sex and we did it 2 time a week minimum.

I have even had the snip to get her to have sex with me but it did not work. She said she does not want any more kids and she was worried that she may get pregnant again
WHAT? It's going on 4 months for me and I'm at the edge. What wrong with picture? and what does she think you will do
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Get...her...to...a...doctor!! You need to rule out medical.

Are you overweight? On a scale of 1-10. What are you? Be honest.
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Many things can cause a sexless marriage. You may have done things that she resents but refuses to discuss with you. She may be a lesbian. She may suffer from some hormonal imbalance. But regardless of the reason, she has a duty to come up with some answer. After all it is not fair, rational or realistic to expect a man in his 30s to give up sex.

There many sexless marriage threads on TAM you can probably find some of them and read lively debates as men, and sometimes women, discuss strategies to awaken lust in their spouse. Few men want their wives to put out duty sex. One guy joked that his wife's favorite position was "corpse".

Read Bagdon for example of a man who his wife to fall by in love with him instead walking away from their marriage. However, your wife claims to love you. So, what sort of other love is there?

Action, are you going to take it?

Doing the 180 could be a first step.

If that does wake up her desire, file for divorce?

If she doesn't want to divorce, demand an open marriage. If you had an affair, to you suppose your wife would seek sex with you to protect her territory?
 
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