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Ohh I've told her about polygraph and she would never do it! Interesting for someone who claims she never lies!! And she refuses to confront our former friend!!
Yeah, well there is your answer. So now the question is what are you going to do about it.

Odds are that much more happened with him than he admitted. Or it happened with someone else.

So this right here TELLS YOU SHE IS LYING TO YOUR FACE and has ZERO respect for you.

If it were me, I would file...
 

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1. The CIA and FBI and most police forces use polygraphs. That's enough for me. Keep telling yourself what you want to hear.

2. It is hard to tell what you want because if someone accuses your wife, you LEAP to her defense.

3. She's lying and you know it.

4. You need to wake up. She feels safe enough to tell someone else she has the hots for him. What else do you need to know?

5. This site is full of Experts on infidelity. You seem to doubt that. We want to help you but you have to be willing to hear some tough truths. If not, just rugsweep and move on.
 

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You knew the guy for a long time but I think you need to reconsider calling the OM your 'friend'.

Regardless of your history, a true friend doesn't french kiss his buddy's wife. He's what I call a POS.

Now, after 5 years you're in a situation of believing a POS vs your wife (which you say you've been happy with).

Your wife finally admitted to kissing another man 5 years ago. According to your posts, there is no evidence that it went further - or that she has been unfaithful or acted inappropriately since.

Where do you want to take this? What advice are you seeking? Are you seeking to punish her for lying about the kiss; or are you suspicious that she had sex with him?

With respect to a polygraph, it doesn't matter whether it's accurate (it's controversial) ...what matters is that your wife believes that you believe it's accurate. A polygraph often triggers the truth.

Unless she believes you're ready to divorce her for something that might have happened 5 years ago (and absent any evidence or suspicion of current infidelity) it's not likely she's going to take a polygraph (or confess to more).
 

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Dungahotep,

Given that the OM is single and likely somewhat of a player it's the same as if your WW kissed everyone the OM kissed which puts you at risk for oral HPV which can cause cancer. Ask your WW why she felt it is OK to put your heath on the line without telling you.

https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/hpv/basic_info/hpv_oropharyngeal.htm

The other question is did your WW stop kissing you with passion, kissing often dies off years or decades before the sex does. It can be really sore when a WW has passionate kissing with someone else yet can't with you.

Have her write out a timeline for her affair, then take her to a polygraph.

Is the OM willing to take a polygraph, possibly you can tell your WW the OM said he will.

Sorry but losing weight and going to the Gym combined with what went on is compelling evidence for an affair, the kissing part may just be their agreed upon story.

DNA testing for your kids.
 

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You said during that time you and your wife had a very active sex life. That’s a good sign she wasn’t in an affair but is not always correct. Women in affairs usually cut off their husbands if it’s love or even increase sex if just joyriding.

However, a one night stand is still possible. Why did you think something happened that night when they stayed up later than you? We have seen this happen a lot here. Were they drinking? What was so damning in her emails?

When cheaters admit to kissing the golden rule is they had sex. If they had sex one time it means ten or more etc.

Polygraphs have been proven to tell the truth 1000 times more often than a cheater by the CIA and FBI.

Do you have any of her old phones? Can you get her current phone and run recovery software?

Has she blamed you for any of this?
 

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@Dungahotep

You said that your wife is not a good wife. They way you wrote it, it sounds like that comment refers to something other than what your "friend" told you.

What does she do that has you saying that she's not a good wife?
 

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You knew the guy for a long time but I think you need to reconsider calling the OM your 'friend'.

Regardless of your history, a true friend doesn't french kiss his buddy's wife. He's what I call a POS.

Now, after 5 years you're in a situation of believing a POS vs your wife (which you say you've been happy with).

Your wife finally admitted to kissing another man 5 years ago. According to your posts, there is no evidence that it went further - or that she has been unfaithful or acted inappropriately since.

Where do you want to take this? What advice are you seeking? Are you seeking to punish her for lying about the kiss; or are you suspicious that she had sex with him?

With respect to a polygraph, it doesn't matter whether it's accurate (it's controversial) ...what matters is that your wife believes that you believe it's accurate. A polygraph often triggers the truth.

Unless she believes you're ready to divorce her for something that might have happened 5 years ago (and absent any evidence or suspicion of current infidelity) it's not likely she's going to take a polygraph (or confess to more).
Ok Robert and everyone else hypothedical so then if the wife knows this.

And if a poly triggers the truth! (parking lot confession), what is the wife's rub to tell the truth because if she states the interaction with the OM=Divorce and if she take the poly and fails it about interaction with the OM=Divorce. What chances does Doug, have then? To get truth. Is he just to kick her to the curb?
 

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I’m 46, we have 2 beautiful kids age 16 and 13. Been married 21 years and together for about 26 years now. And yes the friend is cut off for good out of my life!! I think part of the denial is because of the kids! She knows our daughter hates cheaters and would probably have trouble forgiving her! We both adore our kids and she is a good mother! But not a good wife!! And yes it makes me ponder the years and other episodes that happened but I never had a gut feeling with any of the other stuff except this one issue. She knows that if she admits this that it calls her whole character into question but that has already happened because of this! I think back to this time from about 2011-2014 and how she was: going to the gym a lot, our sex life was phenomenal at the time. But yes the email bothers me a lot!! There where a couple other emails that were really disturbing as well and actually worse than these. I’ll try to find the one which pretty much summed up how she felt and what could possibly happen if given the chance!!
It is time to start seeing divorce lawyer’s. Find what your options are. Get the best one in your area.

Have a serious talk with your wife explaining that she has one chance to tell you everything. Do not make any threats of what you will do if she doesn’t. If she still says nothing then end the conversation. Read up on and start The 180 and do it. Get your lawyer to draw up divorce papers and have your cheating wife served.

Have everything worked out with your lawyer beforehand.

It sounds like your marriage has sucked for the most part here lately. If you want to save it, you have to be willing to lose it.
 

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@Dungahotep

You said that your wife is not a good wife. They way you wrote it, it sounds like that comment refers to something other than what your "friend" told you.

What does she do that has you saying that she's not a good wife?
All he said was there was other episodes that brought her character into question. The friend was the only one he had a gut feeling about.
 

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... all I want is the truth. The truth is they both kissed passionately and they reciprocated. She always flirted with him and yes from the email she had intentions other than having fun.
If you just want the truth but yet you already have it.... The truth is that you can't trust your wife to be honest when it comes to saying things that may hurt you. You need to explain that her lack of honesty hurts more. She needs to understand that. Of course she will try to redirect the argument and claim that she was being dishonest to your friend because she did not want to hurt his feelings and she let him believe that he was attractive and that she would be into him as a way to boost his confidence and help him meet other girls.

You said it yourself:

The OM is single and has been most of his life...
Would it be possible that your wife just wanted to try and help him work through some self confidence issues so that he would not have to suffer being single?

But wait, your wife could just be honest about that right? Perhaps she was attracted this other man, not because she was physically attracted to him, but because she developed an emotional affair by just trying to be nice to him and she started to care about him.

Just call it a pity kiss and get on with your day.

Badsanta
 

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Polygraphs are not accurate. That's why they are not admissible I court. For that reason many people would never take one.

They have a high percentage of false positive/negative results. Usually you get to ask a small number of what are basically yes/no questions so little can be clarified. For example a question like did you kiss the guy? Well she already admitted to you that she kissed him, a peck on the cheek. If you ask did you make out with him, well what's the definition of making out? She might truly believe that she did not make out with him.

As for the emails about attraction to him, people have little control over who they are attracted to. It happens all the time. What's important is how they handle it. Usually when a person feels an attraction that they are not comfortable about or do not want to have, they can avoid the person and wait out the time and the attraction will fade. Being attracted to another person is not infidelity.

You say that she's not a good wife. Besides this one incident, what else makes her a bad wife? What else has she done or not done?


Polygraphs are quite useful with the correct examiner, in fact they are required for both government and police agency’s. Many other tools are used that are also not admissible in court. These tools do assist in solving crimes, dissecting a lie is the same approach, you use tools to have the truth brought to light.

While we have little to no control over who we become attracted to, we do have options. Limited or no contact, not being alone with said individual, and so on. In this case the wife put herself in the position to be alone with him, although a night owl, OP did say it was late. Then you have emails sent defining how she felt, how something may happen, but nothing in regards to her shutting this down. Nothing in regards to telling OP her feelings, instead she tells a cousin what are what she probably wants to happen. It would be of great significance as to whether these emails were sent before or after the concert. If before then you can place this to fantasy, the new emotions of finding someone attractive, but if after the concert, then you have a real issue. If the email was after the concert, then they are true feelings and she enjoyed the kissing. In the email to the cousin, she shares that if alone some trouble could come of it.

In the end it comes down to your wife, what choice will she make, and you have that answer. What’s worse is that for six years she has lied and used deception since the incident, so I would say not a good wife. Her character, morals, are now in question, which has her very angry, because what’s important most to her is reputation. That comes before OP and her own kids, how she appears to everyone is very concerning to her. Good luck OP, I would contact an attorney, have him give you divorce papers and leave them on you table. If she asks about the papers, tell her that a six year lie and continued lies to this very moment are killing the marriage. Tell her as a final shock effect, that you are naming adultery and friend as reason for divorce. You have to be willing to lose the marriage to keep the marriage.
 
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