[Dreald]

Some of you may have read my previous posts about my STBXW and our 14 month marriage. Well, we're close to the 1 year separation required by our State (NC) and it's approaching filing time.

Despite her having a $16k engagement ring, my spending more than what she earned during our short marriage, her taking $5k out of our joint checking account (of which I funded from my pre-marital assets) and left there to pay for final bills, refusing to pay for 1/2 of our last month's credit card debt, refusing to pay for 1/2 of our taxes, she is now asking that I pay for the full cost of our divorce or at least half.

Clearly I made a HUGE mistake in marrying this woman so quickly after only 6 months together. What she presented in the beginning changed quickly to a controlling, critical and non-compromising wife. Nothing that I did for her was good enough and would be chastised for the one small thing that I didn't do her way. She also tried to use the police to control me by lying that she was assaulted and was in fear of her life because I had guns in the house and I was imbalanced.

I sent her a letter stating that I will not contribute anything more than what I have already. That if she contests anything but a simple divorce, I will go after half of what I am legally entitled to. I spent over $60k on her during our short time together and yet still wasn't enough.

So what say you? Stand on principle and have her pay for it or get it over with and spend even more money to get her out of my life? I feel so pissed that despite everything she was given, she still wants more from me. And never appreciated the things I did provide to her -- it always seem 'expected'. Thank God the pregnancy she had miscarried.

 

[Jane_Doe]

I was going to post a sympathetic 'chin up soldier' kind of post until that last sentence, now I'm too busy fighting nausea.

 

[67flh]

yea last sentence ruined it..

 

[Dreald]

Perhaps I should add more detail about the last sentence.

My wife decided 'she' wanted to become pregnant and without telling me, went off birth control. She became pregnant and when the fetus died, the reason was because of a partial molar pregnancy (that's where 2 sperm fertilize the egg simultaneously causing too many genes to occur).

While I went with her to every doctor's appt and was there for her when we learned of the awful news, she had the gall to say that it was MY fault that two of my sperm fertilized her egg!

So, yes, my comment was harsh but I do believe having a child with her would have been an unbelievable nightmare. As much as I would like children, to have one with her would've been frightening to say the least.

 

[Sanity]

Perhaps I should add more detail about the last sentence.

My wife decided 'she' wanted to become pregnant and without telling me, went off birth control. She became pregnant and when the fetus died, the reason was because of a partial molar pregnancy (that's where 2 sperm fertilize the egg simultaneously causing too many genes to occur).

While I went with her to every doctor's appt and was there for her when we learned of the awful news, she had the gall to say that it was MY fault that two of my sperm fertilized her egg!

So, yes, my comment was harsh but I do believe having a child with her would have been an unbelievable nightmare. As much as I would like children, to have one with her would've been frightening to say the least.

As someone who went through this and still dealing with it I can say I completely understand your last sentence. Women like this will used children to bargain and destroy you. Some folks here are disgusted by your miscarriage statement but would they be disgusted when a loving father wants to see his kids just to have some emotional terrorists take them away?

Consider yourself fortunate and tell her to pound sand. The reason why us men get the shaft is because we roll over for childish demands to make it go away. Get a lawyer and go to mediation. Demand her fair share and negotiate from there. If you insist the judge will split it in half unless she's a complete loser that can't support herself.

You don't need a hug right now, you need to protect your assets from this leech.


PS: There are plenty of great women out there. You choose poorly just like I did. Protect your future!
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[Leobwin]

Meditation may not work with this DW. Meditation requires two adults, acting as adults, willing to compromise for the greater good of both sides of the divorced pair.

 

[justonelife]

The engagement ring was a gift, not a marital asset. It was your choice to spend that much money on her.

As to the rest, I can't comment without knowing more about the situation. If she made less than $16k in the year you were together, then assuming that you make quite a bit more, it might not be reasonable to expect her to pay half of the taxes.

You say she took $5K out of your joint account but was that half? More than half? Much less than half? You don't specify.

I'd say offer to split the cost of a cheap divorce and move on. You married her so put your big boy pants on and do what you need to do to get out of it.

 

[In_The_Wind]

I think next time you should take a long while before considering marriage. As well full due dilligence maybe a pi, interview family, friends, former boy friends etc and credit check as well as criminal history.

Good Luck

 

[Dreald]

Meditation may not work with this DW. Meditation requires two adults, acting as adults, willing to compromise for the greater good of both sides of the divorced pair.

I spoke with two attorneys for an initial consult (I have a fair amount of money invested and she knows of it) and they said there was nothing to mediate during our short marriage together.

If anything, I could go after about $5,800 that she refused to return (1/2 of joint checking accts, taxes, credit cards, etc) but it would likely cost between $3,500 and $4,000 for the equitable distribution process.

Not really worth it to me so I've said, please file and I'll sign the divorce agreement if it's not contested. She replies that she thinks I should pay for half if not all of it since it benefits us both. This is on top of the $16k engagement ring, $1,800 in last month credit card bill, $890 in taxes, $5,000 in our joint checking acct.

I'm just amazed she's being so petty about it when she's gotten so much from me in such a short time.

 

[67flh]

dreald,it's only money--thank god she wasn't smart and didn't start this crap till 8-10 into your marriage,then you would probable have alimony to boot...just get the papers filed,and move your money and cancel her cc cards...lesson learned

 

[Dreald]

The engagement ring was a gift, not a marital asset. It was your choice to spend that much money on her.

As to the rest, I can't comment without knowing more about the situation. If she made less than $16k in the year you were together, then assuming that you make quite a bit more, it might not be reasonable to expect her to pay half of the taxes.

You say she took $5K out of your joint account but was that half? More than half? Much less than half? You don't specify.

I'd say offer to split the cost of a cheap divorce and move on. You married her so put your big boy pants on and do what you need to do to get out of it.

No, I realize the engagement ring was a gift. She makes about $42k/year. I was unemployed for awhile yet earned $32k for that year and spent an additional $21k.

The $5k was all of our joint checking acct. money. She felt that she was entitled to it and it wouldn't hurt me one iota that she removed it. The previous three months, a total of $15k was withdrawn from my pre-marital assets to pay for our expenses.

Yet despite all that I financially contributed, she actually asked me to compensate her for our short marriage together.

 

[Dreald]

Meditation may not work with this DW. Meditation requires two adults, acting as adults, willing to compromise for the greater good of both sides of the divorced pair.

True. Despite two attorneys telling me that there's nothing to mediate except the monies that should legally be returned to me, she wouldn't state what she wanted to mediate and that it was "up to her and the mediator to decide". :scratchhead:

 

[Conrad]

Go see an attorney and have her served.

You won't be able to believe she'll follow-through on anything anyway, unless it's chiseled in stone - and enforceable by law.

 

[C3156]

True. Despite two attorneys telling me that there's nothing to mediate except the monies that should legally be returned to me, she wouldn't state what she wanted to mediate and that it was "up to her and the mediator to decide". :scratchhead:

It's actually up to the two adults to decide and agree, the mediator is just a facilitator.

I agree with others, you should be thankful you are getting out of this marriage quickly before you were stuck for much more.

Collect your documents & evidence, separate your finances, and I would file for divorce at the local court house. This is the most cost effective route. With a short marriage and limited assets, I would cut your losses now and be done with it. You can always earn more money.

If she wants to contest it the paperwork you file, fine, but she makes enough to pay her own lawyer. Based on what you say, if she contests, I would motion that she pay for your attorney fees.

 

[Lon]

What is your Lawyer recommending? I'd go with that, and if it doesn't sound right to you look for some second legal opinions. Don't bother trying to deal or negotiate with her directly, you will be miles ahead by hiring an attorney to do this for you.

 

[Dreald]

What is your Lawyer recommending? I'd go with that, and if it doesn't sound right to you look for some second legal opinions. Don't bother trying to deal or negotiate with her directly, you will be miles ahead by hiring an attorney to do this for you.

Both of them said there's nothing to mediate and that I could very well go after what I am legally entitled to that she won't return half of. This would cost quite a bit of money and draw things out so honestly it's not worth it. $5,600 is a small price to pay for freedom.

 

[Lon]

Sounds like the cheaper option is to just pay for the divorce, fighting in court gets expensive, don't worry about principles because the principle even if its hard to admit is that you want this divorce.

My ex did a similar thing after we had verbally agreed to split the costs of the separation agreement, divorce decree and court application fees, once I submitted the agreement to her lawyer she countered. It cost me an extra $1500, but it was cheaper and less stressful than fighting it.