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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Ok so my wife and I have been married for bout 2 years now,we had a fight about her male coworker freind,the reason ,my wife is a truck driver,the OM is a truck driver they got close because she trained him when he got hired on.they have known each other for about a year,the first memory I have of this man is my wife told me he got water on her and said infront of the other guy she was training look I got her wet.i let that go and she told me when it happened. Well the devolved a friendship and she has to take phone calls from him and others who need help.a little while goes by and OM invites my wife to have sausage and basically a dinner ,she tells me and at this point I don't really have a problem yet.well he says hey she has my sausage in her mouth and she likes it.this same joke is said many times for about a month I put up with it but he kept on saying it,in front of me while me my wife and him are on 3 way,my wife is a truck driver so she is not home a lot so we talk on the phone a lot and sometimes her freinds join the phone call that's fine.so I tell her that it's passing me off and making me feel uncomfortable, she says it's innocent and how he is but she will ask him to cut it out,well that goes fine for about a month he says the same joke the same way again,finally I say he man that don't sit well with me I feel uncomfortable can u cut it out not trying to be a d?&#.he said sorry ok,my wife and I agreed if he can't control himself and respect me then he has to go,we agreed.the other night he gets in her truck and there is a female trainie on the truck he says to me did you get pictures ?I said what!?he says did you get video?I didnt say anything didn't get mad.well long story short it didn't go well cause I brought it up and it caused a fight because she said it was the wrong time and she has a student on her truck.i screwed up and kept on wanting to know why she never says anything to him ?she gets quiet when the jokes are being told fyi no one's laughing but him.so the common thing is my wife is in every joke in some kind of sexual situation. I told her he gotta go,but she got so mad I am speaking to her with calm voice did not accuse her of a affair she asked if I was I said no,she yelled at me during the convo called me a asshole said it was the dumb thing how I was acting about it,mind u I haven't called names yelled or even raised my voice.i asked her to tell him they can't talk anymore because of the jokes.she made me do it so I did I asked dude straight up if he wanted to have sex with my wife.of course he denied it I pulled the dirty cop and told him my wife told me everything fess up,he didnt.well she is really pissed I made her get rid of the OM.now she saying she needs time before she takes her home time.and no I didn't get a set time nor did I ask for one.am I in the wrong,I trust my wife ,but that guy wouldn't stop.it hurts me that it feels like she is taking this guys side over our marriage. Help plz.edit*I will say that our fight did happen while she was at work with her female student on the truck ,the next day I did text her but I wanted his number so I could have the conversation that she didn't want to do.she picks up the phone,and yells so loud from inside the cab of the truck that the store she was unloading at called hr.that really pissed her off,she got probation for 6 months and she can't use her phone while she is driving.she used that as the fact of why she is mad. *edit thank you all this is a really good community you guys helped so much you don't even know,if we get divorced or stay together you guys have been very kind.
 

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She was putting up with sexual harassment from that guy. I don't blame you at all for taking the stance you did. I'm not sure I wouldn't have called her supervisor and let whoever that is no the kind of rude comments this guy is making. That's really what she should have done.
 

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I have been with a male in a male dominate industry for 15 years and the hackling of newbies, especially new women to a job site has gotten better though there is still room for improvement. It is like a right of passage (at least here).

I can clearly see why you are upset, I would be too.
If it helps the guys that tend to toss the nasty comments and not let up about it are the same ones that cannot attract a women outside of work and I have yet to see one actually seduce a co-worker.

I am in no way saying that the behavior is ok, I am just wondering if it is easier for your wife at work to put up with it vs do something about it?

Being gone I assume that is a longer haul, when does her run get her home or is that the timeline you don't know?
 

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OP, you need to remain firm with her about this. Either he’s gone (if she has that power) or she needs to find another job. There are many trucking companies looking for drivers out there….

She caused this situation with her shotty boundaries. You need to make sure she hears that loud and clear. You ignored it for a while and the POSOM just escalated this talk and she didn’t stop him. He’s doing it in front of other employees and she doesn’t stop him, and nobody is laughing but him, what does she think they think is going on? They think she is having an affair with him. Of course they do. You asked her to make him stop and she did, for about 30 days. You asked him to stop and he didn’t…. And this is her fault for not taking him in hand. He was her trainee for gods sake… she would have stopped him if she wanted to.

So, make all of the above clear to her. Then tell her you aren’t crazy about her coming back for her home time either. Tell her to stay away until she figures out what she wants - you, or him. And if she says it’s you she better be ready for some difficult conversations with you about this. It’s time to take control of this situation. You need to be in the drivers seat, which means you cannot back down. Be ready for that, because you have no choice. This is not the time to roll over, your marriage is in the balance. Show her you are a strong man that is not going to let some loser other man and your wife treat you like some sort of wimp. Find your anger, and don’t let it go.

Good luck. I’m sorry she is doing this to you.


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She was putting up with sexual harassment from that guy. I don't blame you at all for taking the stance you did. I'm not sure I wouldn't have called her supervisor and let whoever that is no the kind of rude comments this guy is making. That's really what she should have done.
Best to put the kibosh on her activity with respect to other work mates.
Also she needs to tell "supervisor" in writing and cc HR for getting documented.

Dirtbags start like your experience and ramp up as time marches on when they get no knuckles rapped.

Also - 2 years married and this is going on with your wife? 🚩🚩🚩
 

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She said she has no problem with it.
Sounds like she is in an EA that is about to become a PA. Unfortunately if she cared about your feelings more than his you might have a chance but from what your saying she on the OM side 100%. Ask her if she wants a divorce? Ask her if she wants to be single again? Let her know that her actions with OM are going to destroy your marriage.. hopefully the realization will hit her hard and wake her up.. I will pray for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Best to put the kibosh on her activity with respect to other work mates.
Also she needs to tell "supervisor" in writing and cc HR for getting documented.

Dirtbags start like your experience and ramp up as time marches on when they get no knuckles rapped.

Also - 2 years married and this is going on with your wife? 🚩🚩🚩
Yes it was still going on not like everyday but over a 2 year period.the first time was 1.i got her wet then a couple of months go by he cooks some sausage in his truck they eat I was informed of this btw.then the second comment 2.look she got my sausage in her mouth and she likes it.then 5 months go by and the other night while my wife has a female student on her truck he says comment 3.did you get any pictures,did you get any video?implying my wife and her female student was taking part in sexual activities with each other.
 

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If I were you I would be very worried.. I'm sorry but married people in love don't have these things happen and if by chance it does happen the married partner shuts it down quick without being told. Doesn't seem like your wife gives a Crap what you think or feel.. and has to be pressured to stop, or make you believe it has stopped. I feel like from what you said she has most likely cheated already but that's just opinion cause there is no proof . I hope I'm wrong
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I expected as much tho they never do unless you got phone records or video or caught them in the act.mind you the sex has died down, she never ask for it anymore its always me.but she did have one overy removed and her job is tough on the body,so I tried to understand and I did,but I am not sure that kills wanting to hold my hand or loving on me,nope I get pop kisses and sex that feels like she is only doing it to shut me up.no bj s or nothing,and this wasn't like this when we first got together, total 180,went from warm and loving to cold and distant.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
If I were you I would be very worried.. I'm sorry but married people in love don't have these things happen and if by chance it does happen the married partner shuts it down quick without being told. Doesn't seem like your wife gives a Crap what you think or feel.. and has to be pressured to stop, or make you believe it has stopped. I feel like from what you said she has most likely cheated already but that's just opinion cause there is no proof . I hope I'm wrong
She says nothing happened like that and he is just a freind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
You know your wife better than any of us.. In your heart and mind do you believe she hasn't cheated on you? Honestly
My gut says yes mayb not physical sex but mayb kiss or hugging. She messed up and said the first time we had problems she was stopped for the night and OM was arround and she called him over without tell me mind u her truck has a bed in the back,to discuss our marriage problems at that point he had said 2 of the 3 comments.i didn't find out about that till tonight.
 

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My gut says yes mayb not physical sex but mayb kiss or hugging. She messed up and said the first time we had problems she was stopped for the night and OM was arround and she called him over without tell me mind u her truck has a bed in the back,to discuss our marriage problems at that point he had said 2 of the 3 comments.i didn't find out about that till tonight.
I think it may be time to consult a lawyer. She is feeding you information slowly but most likely has cheated. And regardless of cheating her feelings for you from what you say have definitely changed.
I don't think you will be happy if this is how your marriage will be forever. She probably loves you but only sees you as a roommate now. She is in love with another man. It's your call but if I were you I would get a lawyer, collect as much information on her affair as you can and see what your lawyer tells you to do. I'm sorry your going through this .
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thank you what am I looking for and how do I get proof?she is very careful ,she is sneaky and careful.i had access to her phone and I did go through it didn't find anything dirty from OM but another driver text her and called her hun or something to the fact,I Asked her and she said says that to everyone like a grandpaw
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
She has had sexual trauma in her past,she said she never even really liked sex until me fyi so I never took her for a very sexual person but man the fire that was there when we first met could of fooled me.asked her why she married me and had a kid with me he is almost 2 btw.she said I didn't know it was going to be like this and that I have only gotten worse,I never hit,or abused her in anyway.i haven't even yelled or called her a name, she has been doing all that.
 
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