Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When my husband and I started to work together in the same company the trouble started. Since then i have become nore depressed, angry and even doubting on my marriage to him. At work he tends to become very aggressive towards our coworkers. I sometimes try to understand because all he wants to do is make everything right but i feel like he wants to control everything and everybody. He talks and feels like he needs to say something in everything even if he's not asked. He gets mad and starts flipping and cussing if somebody didnt do their job or forgot to do something. Its good to correct other's mistakes but he makes mistakes too.
Ive worked for my company for 6 years now and we hired him last year yet he thinks he knows everything about the business already. We do contstruction and we have foremans and they would tell me how most times they dont like how my husband talks to them. We are good friends of the owners. When its just me and him in the office i would try to talk to him about what i observe about his working ethics and then each time i talk, he would tell me that im blaming him again. I wasnt blaming him, i just wanted to let him know that he doesnt have to do everything and that he has to learn how to get along with others.
It is very frustrating on my part being the head of the office because im always torn between my job snd being his wife. I am very level headed. I favor the right always and he knows that. If i know he is wrong, i tell him right away. The money is really good since we started working together but i think its making my relationship with him and our marriage suffer. I love my husband so much and i love the idea of us working together but i think this is too much now. Sometimes i dont even want to see or hear him talk. There were times when i wanted to text or call my boss about firing my husband but i dont want to be very harsh on him. I feel if i do that then im just being selfish. He loves working there and he is really a big help but its ruining our relationship. I dont know what to do. I have been really patient with him but it seems that whatever i say to him, goes from one ear to the other. I really need some advice.
Thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
What a rough situation!

When you are on the job, that job is your priority.
Everywhere else, your marriage is.

If you're the office supervisor, write him up and treat him just like you would any other employee. Use facts, not opinions. "John C. stated you said, 'You're an idiot" on paper will have more effect than you trying to deliver the news nicely.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,104 Posts
You're going to have to stop taking ownership of his behavior. If someone tries to tell you about him you redirect them to him. Detach and don't take what he does as a reflection on you. Don't give him advice or anything. Let him fail on his own. Stay out of it and he might actually figure it out on his own when people either confront him or avoid him.

Meanwhile you just focus on doing the best job you can. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
62 Posts
You've described a very tough situation - but it looks to me like it's some great advice you're getting.

I agree. Detachment, letting him take ownership, and doing your job well. I think working together is a real challenge for a lot of couples. I admire the ones that can do it.

I'd hold the marriage and job at two different levels. I'd never walk away from my marriage, but if your husband needed to change jobs for the sake of the marriage it wouldn't be the end of the world, nor would it be poor reflection on either of you. It just "is what it is". There are a lot of marriages that suffer when couples working together causes friction. I'd put the marriage first.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you for great response.
I have talked to him about changing jobs a couple of times but he seem not to be interested on that thought. He loves the convenience of our jobs and so do i. We are only 3 people in the office so its pretty intense when things gets out of hands because of some nasty exchange of words. Just today we had another "incident" where my foreman said that he really hates how my husband talks to him and how he hated his guts. My husband acts like he is the boss and most times acts and talks like he is the owner of the company. He does his job very well dont get me wrong but he steps way ahead of line and then he gets out of control. Trust me, i talk to him at work and treats him as a coworker and corrects him as well as the other person in the office when i see something they do that is wrong.
Sometimes i think im just being very emotional. I am way too emotional but certainly not weak. He told me in december that he would go on a counselling program of some sort and admitted he has some anger problem or whatsoever. I told him i would go with him because i also find myself yelling all the time whenever we fight. I do not like whats happening and we go on for days not talking. This is certainly not the kind of married life i wanted for us to have. At least one good thing is, its just me and him, we do not have children yet so in that case, they're are no kids and other people involved.
I really appreciate all your responses. I believe in our marriage and im really trying not to give up but its getting difficult everyday.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
251 Posts
Do the other employees know you two are married?

If they do maybe there afraid to confront your husband
back,because they might think you will take your husbands side.

If your gonna let your husband fight his own,let the employees know your not gonna interfere.Maybe if your husband gets it back he will think more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
Thank you for great response.
I have talked to him about changing jobs a couple of times but he seem not to be interested on that thought. He loves the convenience of our jobs and so do i.

Well, he needs to love it enough to stop jeopardizing his job and yours by running his mouth.

We are only 3 people in the office so its pretty intense when things gets out of hands because of some nasty exchange of words. Just today we had another "incident" where my foreman said that he really hates how my husband talks to him and how he hated his guts. My husband acts like he is the boss and most times acts and talks like he is the owner of the company.

I'm curious... where is the owner while all this is going on? Can you get the owner to intervene without necessarily firing him? What impact would it have on YOU if you did?

He does his job very well dont get me wrong but he steps way ahead of line and then he gets out of control. Trust me, i talk to him at work and treats him as a coworker and corrects him as well as the other person in the office when i see something they do that is wrong.

Would it help to remind him that you're "on his team" when you are discussing his out of control behavior, along with a reminder that you're also on your employer's team and when you're on the job, you'll put your employer's needs ahead of his demands and expectations?

Sometimes i think im just being very emotional. I am way too emotional but certainly not weak.

You can be emotional, but it'd be wise not to show your emotions to others.

He told me in december that he would go on a counselling program of some sort and admitted he has some anger problem or whatsoever. I told him i would go with him because i also find myself yelling all the time whenever we fight. I do not like whats happening and we go on for days not talking.

So this behavior is also happening outside of work? Why has it been almost 3 months and you haven't started an anger program yet?

This is certainly not the kind of married life i wanted for us to have. At least one good thing is, its just me and him, we do not have children yet so in that case, they're are no kids and other people involved.
I really appreciate all your responses. I believe in our marriage and im really trying not to give up but its getting difficult everyday.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top