Firstly I want to hi to everyone.
I’m having a problem with sex in marriage.
I’ve been with my wife for 6 years, married for 8 months and I love her to bits. However there is no doubt that I am having issues in the bedroom.
When I first met my wife she was very shy in the bedroom, but over time her confidence improved and I enjoyed our love life (all be it not an exciting one but nice). But in recent years I’ve become more frustrated as she has lost all interest in having a more ‘exciting’ sex life. To the point that sex seems like a chore to her. I have always accepted that she never had a high sex drive but it has become increasingly more difficult for me, I’m not sure why. But this problem is now compounded with her lack of interest to engage in anything ‘fun, sexy, kinky etc’ since getting married.
At this point it is important to remember that I married her because I love for who she is, she is a strong independent and inspiring person and that’s perhaps why I didn’t consider sex to be too important... but recently I’m finding that I’m getting sexually frustrated now at the lack of excitement.
Now when we have sex it ends up being very vanilla sex involving NO foreplay at all and all she wants to do is one position and get it done with as quick as possible (I know because her favourite saying now is “have you not *** yet?”). And most of the time she says she’ll have sex because she conscious that we haven’t done so for a week or so, then when we do it’s because she feels obliged to and not because she wants to.
My frustration is that I’m a very unselfish lover, honestly I would spend hours pleasuring her if I could as it is a turn to me. But when I try to she doesn’t want to know, she lets me for a few minutes then says...”right enough of that, can we just have sex now” then we have vanilla sex and that’s it.
To be fair if I ask her to do something she will do it (apart from the big A..sadly) but she only does so because I’ve asked her and frankly its only once in a blue moon when she does it. As daft as it sounds I want her to WANT to do it, she just does it to keep me quiet.
She says likes dressing up because it makes her feel sexy, but when she does the sex is still follows the same pattern, one position, wham bam thank you and that will do until next month!! When I suggested an outfit she said yes..but I ‘wont’ do role-play..well I said “well that’s the point to outfits”.
I once suggest sex toys, my god the look she gave me!!
Here is the kicker guys....when she gets drunk on a night out (and I mean very drunk) it all goes out the window, anything goes.
It’s also worth noting that I like romantic lovemaking to, but that goes exactly the same way!!!!
I love my wife and still find her very sexy and attractive and I’m not the sort of person to go wandering, but I admit that those dark thoughts do creep into my mind now. I am also finding that I am getting drawn into looking at porn to compensate, but ultimately makes it worse.
Recently she has started expressing a desire for kids (that’s great) but now I can’t help feeling like that would suit her nicely. To go nine months without sex then have a legitimate reason for not having sex ever again.
I don't want to paint a bad picture of her, as I think she is a kind, wonderful person but the sex is important in our marriage. And whether she realises it or not its harming our marriage. All I'm trying to do is keep the excitment and passion alive as I think that is important in a marriage but I’m getting very frustrated and starting to resent her somewhat and I know I shouldn’t and I don’t want to do.
Any advice would be invaluable. Please don’t judge me too harshly.
Mr manc79
I’m having a problem with sex in marriage.
I’ve been with my wife for 6 years, married for 8 months and I love her to bits. However there is no doubt that I am having issues in the bedroom.
When I first met my wife she was very shy in the bedroom, but over time her confidence improved and I enjoyed our love life (all be it not an exciting one but nice). But in recent years I’ve become more frustrated as she has lost all interest in having a more ‘exciting’ sex life. To the point that sex seems like a chore to her. I have always accepted that she never had a high sex drive but it has become increasingly more difficult for me, I’m not sure why. But this problem is now compounded with her lack of interest to engage in anything ‘fun, sexy, kinky etc’ since getting married.
At this point it is important to remember that I married her because I love for who she is, she is a strong independent and inspiring person and that’s perhaps why I didn’t consider sex to be too important... but recently I’m finding that I’m getting sexually frustrated now at the lack of excitement.
Now when we have sex it ends up being very vanilla sex involving NO foreplay at all and all she wants to do is one position and get it done with as quick as possible (I know because her favourite saying now is “have you not *** yet?”). And most of the time she says she’ll have sex because she conscious that we haven’t done so for a week or so, then when we do it’s because she feels obliged to and not because she wants to.
My frustration is that I’m a very unselfish lover, honestly I would spend hours pleasuring her if I could as it is a turn to me. But when I try to she doesn’t want to know, she lets me for a few minutes then says...”right enough of that, can we just have sex now” then we have vanilla sex and that’s it.
To be fair if I ask her to do something she will do it (apart from the big A..sadly) but she only does so because I’ve asked her and frankly its only once in a blue moon when she does it. As daft as it sounds I want her to WANT to do it, she just does it to keep me quiet.
She says likes dressing up because it makes her feel sexy, but when she does the sex is still follows the same pattern, one position, wham bam thank you and that will do until next month!! When I suggested an outfit she said yes..but I ‘wont’ do role-play..well I said “well that’s the point to outfits”.
I once suggest sex toys, my god the look she gave me!!
Here is the kicker guys....when she gets drunk on a night out (and I mean very drunk) it all goes out the window, anything goes.
It’s also worth noting that I like romantic lovemaking to, but that goes exactly the same way!!!!
I love my wife and still find her very sexy and attractive and I’m not the sort of person to go wandering, but I admit that those dark thoughts do creep into my mind now. I am also finding that I am getting drawn into looking at porn to compensate, but ultimately makes it worse.
Recently she has started expressing a desire for kids (that’s great) but now I can’t help feeling like that would suit her nicely. To go nine months without sex then have a legitimate reason for not having sex ever again.
I don't want to paint a bad picture of her, as I think she is a kind, wonderful person but the sex is important in our marriage. And whether she realises it or not its harming our marriage. All I'm trying to do is keep the excitment and passion alive as I think that is important in a marriage but I’m getting very frustrated and starting to resent her somewhat and I know I shouldn’t and I don’t want to do.
Any advice would be invaluable. Please don’t judge me too harshly.
Mr manc79
