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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm 29yrs old and my girlfriend just turned 27yrs old. We've been together now for 6 years, and we talk about marriage and plan to get married. Being that its 6 years I'm really starting to feel the pressure of marriage, a little from her but mostly from friends/family. The reason why I haven't proposed yet is because my debt. I just can't afford a ring right now. I got myself deep into debt and I'm trying to get out and she knows this. She shows me rings and wedding dresses just to joke with me but I know deep down she means it. It also doesn't help that people around us (family/friends) are getting married as well, who are younger than us but also finished their educational goals, which we both are trying to accomplish. I know 6 years is a long time but I know eventually we will get married, but sometimes when that subject comes up I start to stress out. Cost is the main issue I guess you can say. We both thought about doing a civil wedding for now and then doing a big wedding later when we're financially ready. Any advice??
 

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I think your determination to rid yourself of debt first is to be admired but why put that pressure on yourself??
Marriage isnt about a one day, white dress thing. It should be about making a commitment to the one person you intend to spend your life with and that doesnt need to cost a fortune. I would do frank honesty with anyone who questioned that but..
She is looking at dresses and rings, your worrying about your debt?? I would advise taking a step back, if all thats putting you off debt and you have a clear end to that in sight then cool. If not, I would question the debt as a reason and change that to a time stalling excuse.
If you were 100% sure about your commitment to her, I dont see your debt putting you off indefinately but maybe a frank talk with her would set her mind at ease that whilst a ring is not in your immediate plans it will appear..


serendipity
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We do talk about it, and she understands. But at times I sometimes feel like I'm failing. We both want to live the life of getting married, buying a house, and having kids and living happily ever after. We also live together which I know isn't right. Her parents do not know (they live 4 hours away) and they would die, I think, as they are very traditional. My parents aren't so traditional and they are okay with it but expect a marriage. Her parents and my parents aren't getting any younger either and would like to see grandchildren. I'm one that does not want to have kids yet until me/us are financially stable and married.

Is it true that once you reaches her 30's, its harder for a woman to have kids?
 

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I had my first child in my 20's, followed by 7 others in my 30's so from my take, no it wasnt difficult.

I really do think you need to cut yourself some slack. Your obviously trying to do the very best by not only yourself and your partner but by everyone else. This is your own one shot at life, dont get bogged down by others and there expectations.

Children may or may not become part of your life, thats a future issue. I really get the impression that your forgetting a very important being, the most important until those kids come along - YOU. Take a breath, breathe out and put yourself first, just for a moment. Your being very responsible with managing your debt, worrying about what our future in-laws think.

Your bottom line, very bottom should be, live by your own standards, not anyone elses. Do whats right for you first with everyone else, including your girlfriend being second. If you cant give yourself happy and worry free time no one else ever will. Enjoy life, its way to short not too..

serendipity
 

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My husband had a lot of debt when we got married. Initially, he used it as an excuse not to get married.

If you are planning to spend the rest of your life together, why not tackle and conquer the debt together. That's what we did.

Does she want to marry you or have a wedding (or both?). If she wants to be married to you, having a small, in expensive ceremony should suffice. You don't have to do a civil courthouse ceremony but you don't have to have a huge grand ceremony either. There's plenty of options in between.

Trust me, having once been ther myself, if she is showing you rings and dresses, she's only half joking. Much truth is said in jest.

My husband and I wanted to be married, despite his debt and all the other hurdles. So that's what we did. Then we tackled the hurdles together. 10 years later we have a house, a kid, a car, a time share. We built all of that together.
 
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