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Discussion Starter #1
Well it seems like my marriage is about to end right when i decided to change who iam for the best. Husbad and i are married for 8 yrs going to hit9 yrs and we have five daughters under the age of 7. in the past 8 years i have been the worst wife in the world my husband nad i had seperated multiple times in the past 8 years. I had finally decided to turna page in my life and get my head out of my ass. My husband has decided to be distant with and has told me that he loves me but isnt in love with me. and that he feels a void in this marriage he says we arent connected. i understand that past has alot to do with this . but i cant change the past. im afraid that his going to leave me with 5 little girls i know i can handle it but still.i finally started loving my husband and now im the one whos getting pushed away. what should i do should i keep fighting for him? or should i let him go.
 

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You need to fight for him but Not with him. Do not push him or be angry IMO that he feels this way. Just because you finally decided to love your husband does not erase the past. Those things take time , sometimes lots of it. Be patient , understanding and kind.
Good Luck!
 

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I feel I went through the same thing... so many ups and downs in my marriage that when my wife finally wanted to work on the marriage, I was spent. I had no energy left to try again and, honestly, couldn't bear the feeling of having it fall apart again.

But I am trying one more time. I'm probably cray to but I am. Try to convince your husband to try one more time. Are you going to marriage counseling?
 

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Have you told him what you have said here?

If not, do so and see if he will agree to try and go to marriage counseling with you

He needs to re-discover why he fell in love with you but it's also possible it may not happen
 

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What do you mean by being the "worst wife in the world"? You don't have to be specific, but were you truly sinister in that you were verbally/mentally abusing him, refusing to have sex with him or are his biggest issues with you more on the mundane side?

I'm not trying to minimize what you did but I don't want to make suggestions if your offenses against your husband are somewhat overblown.
 

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Infidelity has always been an issue with me. i always cheated on him and he always had taken me back. i finally realized that i couldnt let my past before i met my husband judge me anymore. i never beeen the wife that he needed a supporting one. i have always pushed him away. and now that im dealing with my past. we tried marriage couceling in the past and i didnt want to . but finally i caved in and said lets go to marriage couceling. It turn into disaster couceler stated that. we both needed our own seperate couceling to deal over our issues before we can make this marriage work. im finally going to couceling their things that im learning, to bad that i didnt take care of this in the beginning of our marriage. i cant change the past but i can chage the future. He hasnt made the effort to got to couceling for himself...
im willing to make it work. but it hurts when he doesnt say i love you or hug me just because. :( tonight we are going on a date night. we will see how that goes normally when we go on date nights he likes to talk about the past and what i have done to him. he also stated that he has lost his confidence becausse of me....
 

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Seems you both have been doing a lot of loving, 5 kids?
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I am sorry to hear that your marriage might be over, but I have to say that it might be for the best. I do not know how anyone can be happy with someone that is a serial cheater. You state that you are trying to change your ways, but sometimes it is a little to late.

If you love than show him you are willing to fight for him. DO NOT expect him to hug and kiss on you. You have betrayed him in the past. I am sure he feels as thought you cannot be trusted. His wall is up and will be up for a long time to come.
 

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My wife has been a s.h.*.t wife for the past 3 years, and that's only after I found out that she fell out of love with me as many as 15years ago. I tried HARD for the last three to fix things and nothing from her. I'm now done. I have NO INTEREST in fixing things. I am colored by the fact that I know she will never even try, but even if she COULD convince me that she wanted to work on things, I'm still gone. And I even understand her issues. Many of them my fault. But she bailed instead of trying to fix them. Screw her.

And screw you (I'm channeling your husband. Personally, I feel for you). Read this and tell my why he SHOULD take you back:

Infidelity has always been an issue with me. i always cheated on him and he always had taken me back.
What do you think he's thinking? There's a pattern: "I take her back, she stabs me in the heart again". I can kind of see why he's taking this stand. He takes you back, you screw him again. You only feel bad because your meal ticket is taking a stand and you're scared. Good. Be VERY scared.

And one pattern I hear a lot on these boards is that serial cheaters don't change their behavior. I'm thinking you THINK you will change your behavior because you're scared of being old and ugly and single with 5 kids. But once he does, and you are comfortable again, and that first boy smiles at you in the supermarket checkout stand, your pants will be coming down before the automatic door swings open to let you out.

I'll give this advice yet again: He's gone. Leave. It's just nice to give that advice to the wayward spouse for a change.
 

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Well at least you acknowledge that you have treated him badly. You have cheated on him multiple times and he has taken you back. To be honest, I think it's asking a lot of him for you both to try and make this work after so much water under the bridge. That doesn't mean it can't happen though. A lot of soul-searching and determination is going to be needed from both of you.
 

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Infidelity has always been an issue with me. i always cheated on him and he always had taken me back. i finally realized that i couldnt let my past before i met my husband judge me anymore. i never beeen the wife that he needed a supporting one. i have always pushed him away. and now that im dealing with my past. we tried marriage couceling in the past and i didnt want to . but finally i caved in and said lets go to marriage couceling. It turn into disaster couceler stated that. we both needed our own seperate couceling to deal over our issues before we can make this marriage work. im finally going to couceling their things that im learning, to bad that i didnt take care of this in the beginning of our marriage. i cant change the past but i can chage the future. He hasnt made the effort to got to couceling for himself...
im willing to make it work. but it hurts when he doesnt say i love you or hug me just because. :( tonight we are going on a date night. we will see how that goes normally when we go on date nights he likes to talk about the past and what i have done to him. he also stated that he has lost his confidence becausse of me....
Did the cheating occur while the two of you were dating, you decided to turn your back on your past and then married the BF who is now your husband? If I interpret this correctly, the cheating stopped once you married?

Is the real problem the cheating or the lack of attention/affection/support for our husband? I'm confused as to whether you cheated on your husband ever, only before you married or during marriage?
 

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I think it reads more like her past has "caused" or "contributed" to her cheating on her husband.

If that's the case good luck. He's probably over you.
 
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