She lied to stay with you and still does lie to stay with you. You say she isn’t a liar, so this is the only reason she would lie.
You may have whacked one of my pet peeves.
I read all the time about people who claim to be bi-curious and then talk about the 8 same sex encounters they've had. Homie, after the first encounter or two you stopped being bi-curious and are just bisexual!
This is the same thing. You can't claim someone isn't a liar and then talk about all of their lies. She's not lie-curious, she's a liar.
But the idea of casual sex/ONS was not something that interested me.
I mean, when you say you've had many ONS, how does that even happen? I can see 1-2, but lots? Frequently? Where were these people when I was in my teens and 20s?
I won't comment on your friend, but I will say that many place in the world are utterly backwards to my thinking and I question their social repression. I am glad to live where I can freely express my sexuality.
How do ONS happen? They just...do. Go out to a party or a bar or festival, meet someone you're attracted to, do some flirting, maybe some making out, go to a private place, have sex, and there you have it.
Frequently? Depends on your definition of frequent. I had 32 sexual partners over a span of 9 years between 16 and 25, which was when I met my husband. 1 I was engaged to, 1 I married, 4 relationships, and the rest were a mix of FWB and ONS until I met my DH, who has been my only sex partner for over 20 years.
Where were people like me in your teens and 20's? Either you weren't giving off the open to it vibe or you were at the wrong parties, my friend.
Yes she technically lied when he asked if she had gotten with anyone else.
I agree with @MJJEAN above, she should’ve told him it was none of his business and let him fill in his own blanks or told him she did and let him walk... he probably isn’t the right guy for her anyway if he dumps her for no reason and then wants her back,, but only if she sat at home by herself every night they were split.
I don't think a couple has to have the same views to the letter. For example, both DH and I are fine with casual sex. However, I am not ok with group sex. No judgement, I can see the sensual appeal, but something about it just personally squicks me out. DH in his past had group sex many times both within a relationship and while single. I decided that, since we were so into each other and very compatible in general, this small difference in view and history was not a dealbreaker.
The huge difference is that my DH was up front and honest about his sexual history very early on and so was I. We gave each other the chance to decide if our pasts were dealbreakers or not.
Then she also screwed up by letting the cat out of the bag. If you’re going to try to build a relationship on false pretenses, then at least put in the effort to keep the secret a secret to the grave.
So few are actually capable of that, though, which is why it's just better to be honest and take whatever lumps come your way. My momma always told me not to do a damn thing I wouldn't want people to know about and be honest if asked because the truth comes out eventually. I can only imagine how much drama I avoided by following that advice.
He had absolutely no right to ask her what she did while broken up whatsoever. It was absolutely none of his business what she did after he allegedly broke up with her.
I disagree. He has every right to ask his partner her sexual history if that's something that concerns him. And his partner has every right to tell him she isn't going to give him that information.
My problem is that she understands this guy, her husband, at one time her fiance, has some real issues with things she sees as being OK. People don't suddenly become like that overnight. I doubt he hid his weirdness from her. And if he tried, he wouldn't have succeeded. But she went ahead and married someone completely-inappropriate anyway.
Maybe that's why she's being more honest now. Maybe she sees they aren't compatible and is sabotaging the relationship with the truth.
Actually it was my business. She asked ME to get back together. I gave her the conditions. She decided to lie. In fact when we first met she knew exactly who I was looking for and lied about 3/4 of her relationships and all the other one night stands she had. She would have known, even though she said she was hoping I came back, that she would have to lie to me again if she had a ONS. But I guess that ONS was more important or she is just a serial liar.
Yes, my friend, you're married to a serial liar. She has lied to you for years about her sexual adventures and there is every reason to think she has lied about other things, as well. After all, she's learned that she can get away with lying and that it's easier than possibly causing friction with the truth.
There was something mentally wrong with her - she would go from depressed to maniac - up and down constantly. Doctor diagnosed her with bi-polar and gave her meds.
I come from a long line of bi-polar women and am one, myself. At no point does bi-polar disorder cause one to be unable to tell right from wrong. Everyone knows lying is wrong. Her mental illness isn't an excuse.
Of course all this came out AFTER I married her.
You can un-marry her, ya know.