I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just a place to vent.
Married 14 years (together for 17, man time flies!), 2 kids (1 pre-teen, 1 early teen).
My wife and I get along very well. I think we are a great match, although I guess we don't have that many interests in common.
I love her very much. She is an amazing person and everyone that knows us loves her. I care about how she feels and I try my best to be a great husband. She tells me all of the time that she loves me very much and couldn't have asked for a better guy.
She was my first, I wasn't hers.
When we have sex, it's usually very good.
She has a very high sex drive (she would like it daily to multiple times a day, she's been like this since we met). the older the kids get, the fewer opportunities.
I have a fairly high sex drive as well.
She is now morbidly obese. I am fit and in shape.
I have a strong aversion to fatness (is that a word?), and have little to no sexual attraction to my wife. I can't look at her naked.
****
She was a cheerleader when we met. Exercised regularly and was in great shape ~125-130 lbs at 5'2". I was also in great shape. ~180 at 5'10"
After 2 years together she got pregnant and gained a fair bit of weight (~30lbs?). I thought it was just the pregnancy and natural. I was young and uninformed.
After baby #1, I was shocked at how much weight she still had on her. I wasn't about to complain or tell her, she had just had a baby. I really pushed breastfeeding since I had heard that it helps new mothers loose weight. It didn't really help.
Weight stayed about the same until pregnancy #2. With that, a lot more weight (now pushing 200 lbs).
After that, the weight continued to add on. Probably only 5 to 10 lbs per year, but after 10 years together, she was probably up to 280 lbs or something like that. Purely from bad diet and no exercise.
The frequency of sex continued to decline as her weight increased. About 8 years go or so, it came out indirectly that the lack of sex was due to her weight gain and my lack of attraction to that. Over the years, we went as far as a couple of months without sex.
Currently sitting at around once a week.
Over the years she has had her levels checked. Doctor has advised her that she should loose weight. Tried several diets and personal trainers. At most 30 lbs lost at one time.
She's currently sitting around 250 lbs. I'm at 190, but with more muscle than when we met (body weight exercises & free weights).
Since she has a high sex drive, she is always trying to get me to have sex with her, but I can't really get up enough interest more than once or twice a week.
Continually getting turned down makes her feel horrible. Then if she goes more than a week or two without sex, she gets difficult to be around (moody).
This is really our only issue. I long to be physically attracted to her again. I think about sex (with attractive women) all of the time. I want to think about sex with her instead, but I have to picture her as she was to get aroused.
I limit masturbation to once or twice a week, so that it's not an excuse (to myself) for not having sex with her. Otherwise I would probably do it every day.
***
Going forward, I want her to be the only woman in my life, but I need attraction and passion. If nothing changes for her, I can't imagine sticking around once the kids are out the house. For now I can't imagine not being with my children everyday, so I make it work.
Married 14 years (together for 17, man time flies!), 2 kids (1 pre-teen, 1 early teen).
My wife and I get along very well. I think we are a great match, although I guess we don't have that many interests in common.
I love her very much. She is an amazing person and everyone that knows us loves her. I care about how she feels and I try my best to be a great husband. She tells me all of the time that she loves me very much and couldn't have asked for a better guy.
She was my first, I wasn't hers.
When we have sex, it's usually very good.
She has a very high sex drive (she would like it daily to multiple times a day, she's been like this since we met). the older the kids get, the fewer opportunities.
I have a fairly high sex drive as well.
She is now morbidly obese. I am fit and in shape.
I have a strong aversion to fatness (is that a word?), and have little to no sexual attraction to my wife. I can't look at her naked.
****
She was a cheerleader when we met. Exercised regularly and was in great shape ~125-130 lbs at 5'2". I was also in great shape. ~180 at 5'10"
After 2 years together she got pregnant and gained a fair bit of weight (~30lbs?). I thought it was just the pregnancy and natural. I was young and uninformed.
After baby #1, I was shocked at how much weight she still had on her. I wasn't about to complain or tell her, she had just had a baby. I really pushed breastfeeding since I had heard that it helps new mothers loose weight. It didn't really help.
Weight stayed about the same until pregnancy #2. With that, a lot more weight (now pushing 200 lbs).
After that, the weight continued to add on. Probably only 5 to 10 lbs per year, but after 10 years together, she was probably up to 280 lbs or something like that. Purely from bad diet and no exercise.
The frequency of sex continued to decline as her weight increased. About 8 years go or so, it came out indirectly that the lack of sex was due to her weight gain and my lack of attraction to that. Over the years, we went as far as a couple of months without sex.
Currently sitting at around once a week.
Over the years she has had her levels checked. Doctor has advised her that she should loose weight. Tried several diets and personal trainers. At most 30 lbs lost at one time.
She's currently sitting around 250 lbs. I'm at 190, but with more muscle than when we met (body weight exercises & free weights).
Since she has a high sex drive, she is always trying to get me to have sex with her, but I can't really get up enough interest more than once or twice a week.
Continually getting turned down makes her feel horrible. Then if she goes more than a week or two without sex, she gets difficult to be around (moody).
This is really our only issue. I long to be physically attracted to her again. I think about sex (with attractive women) all of the time. I want to think about sex with her instead, but I have to picture her as she was to get aroused.
I limit masturbation to once or twice a week, so that it's not an excuse (to myself) for not having sex with her. Otherwise I would probably do it every day.
***
Going forward, I want her to be the only woman in my life, but I need attraction and passion. If nothing changes for her, I can't imagine sticking around once the kids are out the house. For now I can't imagine not being with my children everyday, so I make it work.